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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be too stunned to react?

342 replies

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 23/08/2016 17:32

Long post, sorry. I just don't want to drip feed.

So I was out yesterday with my DD (2 & 1/2) and my DM at IKEA. My DD and I were queueing up for an icecream at the end and DD went on the other side of the barrier to me but just stood there, no intention of running off so I wasn't concerned and I could reach her easily. A little boy (maybe 3) came up to her and with no provocation or reason just shoved my DD. Not hard particularly but she did hit her head on the barrier. Kids will be kids and all but his mother just called after him and he ran off even though she had seen him shove my DD (I know because she had already been calling him before he did it). No apology to me or concern for my DD, just following her little devil treasure. My DM said loudly that it was shocking but I was just too stunned to say anything. The man in the queue behind me said "that boy needs a good slap" but I was too shocked to even respond to him.

My question is, should I have reacted? Said something? My first concern was making sure my DD wasn't hurt (luckily she wasn't). Has this happened to anyone else?

OP posts:
CaptainCrunch · 23/08/2016 17:44

He's barely over toddler age. His mum should have apologized but there's no point in demonizing a wee boy, and the slap comment is abhorrent.

BackforGood · 23/08/2016 17:47

Of course YABU "too stunned to react" - over reaction, much?
A toddler pushes another toddler. Yup, it happens.

TeaBelle · 23/08/2016 17:48

If he ran off then her first responsibility is to follow him as he could get into mischief/danger. He is still only very little too, and it may not have been obvious who to shout her apology too as your did was not immediately beside you

Original poster
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 23/08/2016 17:48

Oh I agree. It was his fault at all and it wasn't him that I was cross at.

Yes, the man's comment angered me too but I think he just meant he needs some discipline. I neither agreed nor disagreed with him though because my jaw was still on the floor.

OP posts:
LottieL · 23/08/2016 17:49

I would have been more stunned at the slapping a three year old comment over that. Let's hope that bloke doesn't have kids.

Original poster
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 23/08/2016 17:52

The little boy had been behind us in the queue for the main till as well. He had been a bit of a pain then (not to my DD) but his parents didn't seem to have much control of him. I was just cross that his parents' lack of control had meant that my DD got shoved.

OP posts:
KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 23/08/2016 17:53

IKEA brings out the worst in people.

Gregoravitch · 23/08/2016 17:54

If my one of my DCs ran off, my main concern would be chasing after them, she should have apologised but it's not really something to freak out about, I would have been annoyed though

Original poster
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 23/08/2016 17:56

I suppose I'm just shocked that she didn't have better control of her DS to begin with. My DD would never do something like that and I would never let her get far enough that her running off would be an issue. She used to run off so we used a wrist link.

OP posts:
Zippidydoodah · 23/08/2016 17:57

Haha- KingJoffrey!! Grin

Do you know the mum didn't tell the boy off for shoving your dd? These things happen ALL THE TIME. It only annoys me when the parents don't say anything. I guess that's your point?

I wouldn't have been too stunned to speak, though!

Gregoravitch · 23/08/2016 17:57

Lack of control could be for a lot of reasons, I really try not to judge. My neighbours have an son who's autistic and he could never cope in a IKEA environment but sometimes they just can't avoid it. Perhaps the boy has SN, and the parents were trying their best. I would just forget about it to be honest.

Zippidydoodah · 23/08/2016 17:58

Good point, Greg.

BertrandRussell · 23/08/2016 17:58

Isn't it a bit extreme to be too shocked to react when one toddler pushed another toddler?

oldlaundbooth · 23/08/2016 17:59

I have a nearly 3 year old and if he'd have done that he would have a got a severe bollocking.

And I would obviously apologize to you and have DS apologize to your DD.

NickiFury · 23/08/2016 17:59

"Has this happened to anyone else?"

Yes my toddlers were often pushed by other toddlers. I accepted that small kids don't have great social skills yet and we all managed to move on with our lives.

Iggi999 · 23/08/2016 18:01

Get over yourself OP. Just be glad you have a docile child this time round

Original poster
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 23/08/2016 18:03

I have moved on with my life. I'm more questioning how I should have reacted.

Yes I was shocked. I don't expect my DD to be shoved when she is just stood there minding her own business.

If she had done that to another child (she wouldn't have though, she is more of a hugger), I would have caught her and then tried to find the parent and child to apologise.

OP posts:
Purplebluebird · 23/08/2016 18:03

I would have been mad about the man's comment about slapping... The other mum probably had to chase after her toddler and didn't get round to apologising? I'd let it go...

SonicSpotlight · 23/08/2016 18:06

I don't see how the boy's possible additional needs or how docile the OP's child may or may not be impact the other mother's ability to open her mouth and apologise when she's seen her child shove another child.

phillipp · 23/08/2016 18:08

Well you don't knowing the mother told him off when he got to her. Some parents would prefer to do the telling off in private, without everyone staring.

I am sorry but I do find you 'being to shocked to speak' because a toddler pushed a mother toddler. Chances are your kid will do this and you will be too shocked to tell her off or apologise Wink

cuntinghomicidalcardigan · 23/08/2016 18:08

Lucky you having a child that you can 'control'. My dd is like that. Stands by you, waiting quietly for a hand to hold so she can Potter along beside you. My ds is nothing like that. He bolts at the smallest opportunity and runs even with a wrist link causing injury to himself and knocking displays/shelves/his head/other shoppers out of the way. I 'control' him by having him in a toddler Carrier on my back or strapped in a trolley. He has escaped from a trolley before. If he is fed up then the trip has to be abandoned. It's good to know people are judging though.

WoburnSands · 23/08/2016 18:09

IKEA brings out the worst in people

THIS

Seriously though OP in the circs I think you did the right thing - given the respective ages etc - I would not have done anything.

Branleuse · 23/08/2016 18:09

sorry your dd got shoved, but i think the mothers priority rightly was to go after her own child who was obviously playing up and she probably just wanted to get him home

CaptainCrunch · 23/08/2016 18:10

Don't go down the "my DD would never" route op, that'll come back to bite you in the arse several times over. Why are you asking how you "should" have reacted? A reaction is spontaneous and personal, a bunch of random strangers on the internet can hardly advise you on it.

Iggi999 · 23/08/2016 18:10

The OP isn't just shocked at the lack of apology, it's the woman's general poor parenting that has stunned her.