To be too stunned to react?

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

Long post, sorry. I just don't want to drip feed.

So I was out yesterday with my DD (2 & 1/2) and my DM at IKEA. My DD and I were queueing up for an icecream at the end and DD went on the other side of the barrier to me but just stood there, no intention of running off so I wasn't concerned and I could reach her easily. A little boy (maybe 3) came up to her and with no provocation or reason just shoved my DD. Not hard particularly but she did hit her head on the barrier. Kids will be kids and all but his mother just called after him and he ran off even though she had seen him shove my DD (I know because she had already been calling him before he did it). No apology to me or concern for my DD, just following her little devil treasure. My DM said loudly that it was shocking but I was just too stunned to say anything. The man in the queue behind me said "that boy needs a good slap" but I was too shocked to even respond to him.

My question is, should I have reacted? Said something? My first concern was making sure my DD wasn't hurt (luckily she wasn't). Has this happened to anyone else?

God if I were too stunned to react every time I saw one toddler shove another toddler, I would spend my life in a perpetual state of agogness - just standing with my mouth wide open and getting absolutely fuck all done. I think you're being a teeny bit pfb on this one OP. It's not nice but it's hardly Lord of the Flies. To quote a fellow ice queen - "Let it go".

And I agree with Leggy, you shouldn't refer to SEN children as mean, it's unprofessional, insulting and inaccurate, they don't do negative things to be mean.

Leggy, I meant they say or do something 'mean' to another child. Not that they are a mean child. I apologise if that offended anyone. I reread that comment and it's true that my actual meaning wasn't clear.

I have worked with children of all ages. I don't claim to be an expert but I do think that children need to be told from an early age that some behaviour isn't acceptable.

Oh my god notyoda me too. It's the worst thing in the world when yours is the bloody biter. Especially when it's your PFB and you are the one saying "my child will never....." .

Gregoravitch, I wasn't referring to children with SN, I was talking about children in general. (Most of the behaviours that I was talking about was actually from children who didn't have SN)

Maybe she was chasing after him to bring him back to apologise, but she heard your mum loudly comment, then the man, and decided to go cry in the toilets instead.

YANBU. The boy deliberately came over, it wasn't a shove in passing.

Of course the mother should have apologised. Maybe she doesn't care, maybe she's used to it but either way it shows a lack of manners on her behalf.

"did he look like an only child". For fuck's sake. Yep, only children are all shovers. Let's make them wear a hat or a special badge shall we? Do fuck off.

Hmm. I could be his mum some days.
Ds has always been one to push boundaries and hurt people for no real reason. 99% of the time I will pull him up on it and there are some sort of consequences to his actions. 1% of the time I'm too knackered to care and if I could see your child was fine I might just shrug it off and hope I never see you again.

My 2 year old is a shover/ hitter and occasional biter. I've been in tears over it but he's getting better. Every parent with an older child or childcare worker I've spoken to has said it is completely normal to go through this phase.

Of course I tell him off and make him apologise (sometimes he refuses on the basis that he hit someone who tried to take his toy for example), but sometimes I'm just too worn out (6 month old too). I'm trying my best but people judging is the reason we've barely socialised for months. If you work with children OP, maybe you could have a bit more empathy.

I was the person who said 'my child will never do that', but that's just the way he is for now, he'll learn as he grows. Oh, and although he's 2 he's so tall people think he's 4 or 5 which doesn't help matters.

YANBU he deliberately came over and pushed your daughter who banged her head. I would be livid. I'm glad your daughter was okay.

cuntinghomicidalcaesigan
Derailing the thread a bit and haven't read it all so someone may have already asked this - I've got a just turned 3 year old ds who sounds very much like yours and was thinking of getting a toddler sling: are they easy enough to get them into if you are on your own? Have you found it useful? I still take a pushchair out at the moment purely so I can put him in it if I really need to but he's not keen to say the least.

Are you really a teacher?! There's no way you could have taught children under the age of about 10 and still been shocked.

Bunty - my 2yo is far too strong to go in a sling when he's not in the mood. He's a pram refused too. I believe the technical term is FML.

Doggity, yes I am.

I'm not shocked that she was pushed by another toddler. As I said in my OP, kids will be kids. I'm shocked that she was pushed out of the blue and the mother didn't say anything or show any sign of caring.

I'm also shocked at how many people don't think that a child should be reprimanded for shoving another child no matter what age.

Meeep, my DM didn't day anything immediately. Only after she realised the mother wasn't about to say anything to me.

YABU to have such a strong response to a minor, everyday upset. The boy was naughty. That's it.

Being

Please tell us the names of the posters who said children should not be reprimanded?

Hit post too soon.

I can't speak for the man and I don't agree with what he said at all. However, his comment was said after the mother had walked away and couldn't have heard him.

NotYoda, part of being reprimanded, IMO, is to apologise for it.

My DD would have to apologise and get a lecture on manners and respect to others if she had done anything like that. And I'd apologise too and make sure the other child is OK. Anything else just teaches children that it's OK to behave like little gobshites because they are someone's little treasures who can't do anything wrong.
For those who were more concerned about the man's remark, honestly, get a grip. I don't ever beat my child but understand the remark as an expression of frustration over arseholes who breed little reckless and disrespectful spoilt brats with no boundaries.

mrshathaway
How disappointing! I thought I may have hit on the answer to calm and pleasant dashes to the shops! What is FML?

No-one has said she should not apologise

Some, a few have explained why an apology doesn't always happen in the real world

'Visualises Yoda frothing at the mouth resisting the urge to reply to Thatsme'

Thatsmeinthecorner2016 YY

(I now have that song in my head. 😂)

So that's me in the spotlight now