To be too stunned to react?

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

Long post, sorry. I just don't want to drip feed.

So I was out yesterday with my DD (2 & 1/2) and my DM at IKEA. My DD and I were queueing up for an icecream at the end and DD went on the other side of the barrier to me but just stood there, no intention of running off so I wasn't concerned and I could reach her easily. A little boy (maybe 3) came up to her and with no provocation or reason just shoved my DD. Not hard particularly but she did hit her head on the barrier. Kids will be kids and all but his mother just called after him and he ran off even though she had seen him shove my DD (I know because she had already been calling him before he did it). No apology to me or concern for my DD, just following her little devil treasure. My DM said loudly that it was shocking but I was just too stunned to say anything. The man in the queue behind me said "that boy needs a good slap" but I was too shocked to even respond to him.

My question is, should I have reacted? Said something? My first concern was making sure my DD wasn't hurt (luckily she wasn't). Has this happened to anyone else?

Nope. I don't like unfounded and damaging accusations being made about me. And as no apology or acknowledgement of that seems to be forthcoming - quelle surprise - I won't be accepting that. A nice little life lesson for you on how apologies are sometimes the only thing that will do

( Nicki, you are my new favourite person on the Internet.)

If there was one standard way of handling these things it would be so much easier. I've read online and the concensus seems to be to make a fuss of the child who your child hit and say sorry etc... But every child worker I've met, either health visitors or at childrens centres, have all said to just ignore it completely and not draw any attention to it as that's what toddlers do and best not to make a big deal. They will learn when they are older.

So it can be hard when you yourself were a kid who wouldn't say boo to a goose but have now got a child who does these things.. and not sure which advice to follow. But my natural urge is to tell him No and say sorry to the other child, it would feel odd ignoring it completely. But maybe this other mum had been given the advice I had!

Getting an apology out of ds2 at age 2-3 was like pulling teeth, much easier to apologise myself and talk to him about saying sorry over and over and over**

That's all you can do, though,isn't it Dixie, short of ventriloquism?

Lol at trolling accusations and refusing to apologise.

Toddlers eh?

The posts all stand, people can make their own minds up. I feel pretty confident though

I wonder if the toddlers are taught to say 'peace' before they resuming the thumping?

I would always acknowledge it with the other parent, spooky, and I would always address it with my child. I just wouldn't force an essentially meaningless apology out of a 3yo.

Nicki, I would like to apologise on behalf of Harry because if I hadn't started this thread, you wouldn't have been accused of being a troll. She can't do it herself because that would be humiliating and making her previous comments null and void so I will take one for the team and accept the 'humiliation' myself. Don't worry Harry, you can thank me later.

pag, I am not asking Nicki for an apology. Internet abuse doesn't bother me. It's very common.

Thank you Being that means a lot actually, as apologies so often do . And may I in turn offer my apologies that your thread has been hijacked by such ridiculous accusations. That said, I imagine having access to the thought processes of such a committed Apology Refuser may well have been useful in gaining insight into your own experience so there is that......

Nicki, my 'peace' was an attempt to put to bed this unedifying carry on. But you seem fully intent on pursuing it. So there is little I can do!

There's plenty you could do and I would start with not labelling people who happen to disagree with you, trolls.

But anyway you've hung yourself on this thread so I am more than happy to leave it there

Sigh

^Headiinhands - you'd be ok with a strange child hitting your child for absolutely no reason and the mother saying nothing?

I find that odd.^

Yeah I wouldn't be impressed either. If I was feeling brave (never) I could approach the mum and explain that they obviously hadn't seen it but their child had pushed mine. But I'd hope she would use the routine I spoke about where if the child doesn't spontaneously say sorry then then mum uses the opportunity to apologise to my child so that the other child sees empathy being modelled. If she got stroppy with him and kept demanding he say sorry that would make me feel uncomfortable as I can see how counterproductive it would be for that child's emerging empathy. But then chances are the mum might have a got at me. Gah, this is why I've stayed at home for most of the summer.

But getting back to your question, no, I wouldn't be impressed and would express empathy to my child to model caring for people, but I wouldn't t be stunned.

Head, I was stunned by the lack of empathy (and apology) shown by the mother. Not the lack of apology from the 3 year old. That didn't surprise me at all.

Right! Can we draw a line under this now and go back to the original OP, please folks? Else we'll have to zap, and that's not what we wanna do.

What did you want her to do, being? Didn't you say her child ran off? Should she have apologised to you first before going after him? Or come back?

I was stunned by the lack of empathy (and apology) shown by the mother.

That's what I meant. I'd be unimpressed and disappointed but wouldn't be stunned by a parent not parenting like I would.

Harry, even just throwing a sorry over her shoulder whilst following the child would have been better than nothing.

My response would've been to have been showing my little boy that it hurt her, telling him off and apologising.

As someone who has been through circumstances I'm certain most on here either wouldn't believe or imagine, my stock response now it not to judge an isolated thing like this.

This mother could've been beaten up yesterday, Might have just been diagnosed with cancer, might have just learned her husband has been looking at violent porn, might have had her passport converscated by the family courts, might have just been to court ....

We all know that life trauma can mean our children can act out and we can be off the ball. I prefer to think in these circumstance - something vaguely compassionate.

That's just me though, I know many people tut and judge and feel affronted about the teeny tiny injustices they experience while they stroll around in privileged society....

The mother might have seen it though Headbands so why would you say to her she mustn't have?

Just people skills I guess. Starting a conversation in a manner that isn't likely to provoke defensiveness. But like I said, I probably wouldn't have spoken to her being the coward I am. I still can't understand how a KS2 teacher is surprised by this level of parenting fail. Op how often are you filling out pink forms? It could be that you work in a school where you've not come across this sort of parenting due to socioeconomic status or what not?