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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be too stunned to react?

342 replies

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 23/08/2016 17:32

Long post, sorry. I just don't want to drip feed.

So I was out yesterday with my DD (2 & 1/2) and my DM at IKEA. My DD and I were queueing up for an icecream at the end and DD went on the other side of the barrier to me but just stood there, no intention of running off so I wasn't concerned and I could reach her easily. A little boy (maybe 3) came up to her and with no provocation or reason just shoved my DD. Not hard particularly but she did hit her head on the barrier. Kids will be kids and all but his mother just called after him and he ran off even though she had seen him shove my DD (I know because she had already been calling him before he did it). No apology to me or concern for my DD, just following her little devil treasure. My DM said loudly that it was shocking but I was just too stunned to say anything. The man in the queue behind me said "that boy needs a good slap" but I was too shocked to even respond to him.

My question is, should I have reacted? Said something? My first concern was making sure my DD wasn't hurt (luckily she wasn't). Has this happened to anyone else?

OP posts:

APlaceOnTheCouch · 23/08/2016 18:11

With the best will in the world, if this left you too stunned to react, I wonder how you cope with parks and soft plays.
Maybe the other mum didn't apologise because your DD was on her own on the other side of the barrier and the mum didn't know which adult she was with.

WorraLiberty · 23/08/2016 18:13

It's not a nice thing to happen

But it's certainly not 'shocking', 'stunning' or 'jawdropping' because one toddler pushed another

If she genuinely saw her son do it, then she should have gone over to you and your DD.

But there are rude people everywhere.

I wouldn't pay it any more thought.

Original poster

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 23/08/2016 18:13

I'm not judging her parenting until it impacts my DD unnecessarily.

Oh and she didn't run after him. She walked after him, calling his name. If my DD had run off, I would be running too. Her attitude seemed to me that she didn't care all that much.

OP posts:

phillipp · 23/08/2016 18:14

it's the woman's general poor parenting that has stunned her.

Because her son ran off?

KitKats28 · 23/08/2016 18:14

Does your daughter go to play group or nursery? If so, I'm sure she's experienced worse. If not, she will! I don't even see how this is worthy of a second thought, let alone a post. "Making sure she wasn't hurt"??? Jeez I'm sure she would've screeched if she was. Good luck with the next 15 years!!

cherryplumbanana · 23/08/2016 18:16

completely agree with SonicSpotlight

Original poster

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 23/08/2016 18:16

I have never had anyone shove my DD at soft play or the park.

OP posts:

NotYoda · 23/08/2016 18:16

The shove is something that happens, but is not very nice.

The lack of apology is pretty unforgivable. You apologise to show concern and to let the child and their parent (and your child) see that you don't agree with what your child did

You didn't really have control of your child, though, OP. She could have run off.

I think if you know you have a shover then you should guard against it, but you don't know anything about this mum from this incident

Iggi999 · 23/08/2016 18:16

Phillipp I was being sarcastic, should have added a

Leggytadpole · 23/08/2016 18:16

Oh FFS. A toddler ran in front of his mum in an ikea queue and pushed another toddler. And you're too stunned to react? Have you always lived such a sheltered life?

Narnia72 · 23/08/2016 18:17

I had 2 girls who would have stood beautifully and waited patiently at 2.5. Then I had a boy, who I spent constantly chasing around. He's now 4 and a little love most of the time, my girls are 8 and 6 and have embraced sarcasm as an art form. They grow in and out of stages quickly (luckily) and you don't know what's coming next. If my little boy had pushed your daughter I'd have apologised if I could, depending on whether I could catch up with him and steer him back.

NotYoda · 23/08/2016 18:17

I had a shovee and then a shover, so I've seen both sides

ThinkPinkStink · 23/08/2016 18:17

This is a joke, surely.

I can't think of much less of an event...a small person who does not have fully developed empathy or an understanding of social graces, pushed another small person who wasn't hurt.

We have no idea what that mother is facing today, she could be exhausted, bereaved, or simply hot, bothered and bored. No one is perfect all the time.

NotYoda · 23/08/2016 18:18

(both mine are boys, so it's not a "boy thing", IMO)

BitOutOfPractice · 23/08/2016 18:19

Toddlers push and shove each other. It probably happens a million times a day somewhere.

Really, you were so shocked at this?

NotYoda · 23/08/2016 18:20

P.S Small kids shove other small kids in an extreme cack-handed way of saying a friendly hello, or getting a reaction, or because they're bored, or because they want attention, or because they're feeling angry.

A myriad of reasons.

Original poster

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 23/08/2016 18:20

I could stop my DD. Firstly, my DM was the other side of the barrier to me (same side as DD) and secondly, I had my hand on her shoulder. It was a barrier she could easily walk under.

Yes, I clearly have lived a sheltered life. I don't expect other children to shove mine with no provocation. If that means I've lived a sheltered life, fine.

OP posts:

Leggytadpole · 23/08/2016 18:21

Oh and she didn't run after him. She walked after him, calling his name. If my DD had run off, I would be running too. Her attitude seemed to me that she didn't care all that much

She had probably spent the whole ikea trip running after him. As long as he's in sight and not in danger she didn't need to run. I've got a runner- it's exhausting. Lucky for you that your daughter is so well behaved. You need to stop judging others though.

NotYoda · 23/08/2016 18:21

I agree not to go down the "mine would never" route. Because if she doesn't maybe she'll do other things you are less than proud of, or your next child will . I've been hoist by that petard before

WorraLiberty · 23/08/2016 18:22

I do hope your toddler doesn't pick up on all this dramatic 'shock' and being 'stunned' at these little things.

Otherwise when she starts school, you'll be that parent and she'll be that child.

It won't make for a happy relaxed school life at all.

NotYoda · 23/08/2016 18:22

Read what I wrote about reasons for shoving.

BitOutOfPractice · 23/08/2016 18:23

Just you wait till your DD is at nursery and it's her that shoves / bites / smacks another child. Then come back with your judgey pants on

lljkk · 23/08/2016 18:25

I can shout for someone while not looking at them or able to completely see what they are doing. Hope your DD is ok now.

Original poster

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 23/08/2016 18:26

If my DD did that, I would be firstly shocked mortified and would go straight to apologise to the parent and child.

OP posts:

NotYoda · 23/08/2016 18:27

Yes, and she should have. I agree with that part of what you say.

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