To be too stunned to react?

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

Long post, sorry. I just don't want to drip feed.

So I was out yesterday with my DD (2 & 1/2) and my DM at IKEA. My DD and I were queueing up for an icecream at the end and DD went on the other side of the barrier to me but just stood there, no intention of running off so I wasn't concerned and I could reach her easily. A little boy (maybe 3) came up to her and with no provocation or reason just shoved my DD. Not hard particularly but she did hit her head on the barrier. Kids will be kids and all but his mother just called after him and he ran off even though she had seen him shove my DD (I know because she had already been calling him before he did it). No apology to me or concern for my DD, just following her little devil treasure. My DM said loudly that it was shocking but I was just too stunned to say anything. The man in the queue behind me said "that boy needs a good slap" but I was too shocked to even respond to him.

My question is, should I have reacted? Said something? My first concern was making sure my DD wasn't hurt (luckily she wasn't). Has this happened to anyone else?

Your very judgemental what will you do when your child gets to school.

I think not being judgmental is a learning curve

I had a bloody great shock when I spawned a biter

This happened to me.
My DD was at a soft play and I hear her crying so ran in, some devil child little boy was repeatedly hitting her over the head with one of the plastic balls from ball hit. I shouted at him to stop and grabbed DD and came out. I was making sure she was okay and the little boy came out and obviously said something to his mum and she had the cheek to glare at me.
I should have said something to her but I was just shocked that she was glaring at me after I'd made it pretty obvious someone's kid was hitting my DD over the head

My advice to you is to send your child to karate or boxing when she is old enough. Girls are worse than boys when they get older.

You could have said something to the child I have known parents to pull up other peoples children.

Maybe the next time it happens, I'll be less shocked.

I work with children who are mean and shove each other. They don't always seem to get that it's not acceptable. Maybe if they are told from the very beginning that it is wrong and made to apologise, they will have a better understanding that it's wrong.

No, I don't know what was going on with their family but I know that my DD was directly affected by the boy's behaviour.

I agree the mother should have apologised, no matter what day she was having.

I also don't agree with the notion that toddlers just do that to each other. They don't, not if they're told off every time they do it, because it's not appropriate to hit, shove or be physically nasty to anyone.

My DD wouldn't hit or shove anyone because she's tried it before and been swiftly told off and punished for it, she's 2.5 and knows if she's horrible to anyone she'll get a telling off and she'll get taken away from what she's doing.

Kids shove and hit and snatch, but how are they ever to learn not to do those things unless their parents/caregivers teach them not to?

I agree with this. DS can be an unpredictable horror as he has ASD. I would still always apologise if anyone was at the receiving end of his behaviour unless I was chasing him out of danger which does happen and I would speak to him about it. Most parents of children with ASD, that I know, do that too unless mid melt down when they wait until things have calmed down. I have found that people are much more understanding of your child's poor behaviour when they see you at least try to mitigate it. If necessary by way of explanation I will say DS has autism although I rarely have done that.

Did he look like an only child. Its very hard to teach a child to behave if that parent is not always with him in toddler groups and watching his behaviour she might be working.

DraeneiMage, I agree. My DD used to hit me or her dad but it was always picked up on no matter what day I was having. She doesn't do it anymore because she was always told off.

As much as I'm glad she isn't nasty to other children, it does make me slightly sad that she's always on the receiving end of shitty behaviour though.

One of my ex-friends children was a bit like this. She didn't step in very much when her DC was being nasty to my DD and as a result it was more often than not her kid hitting mine and mine crying all the time.

I work with children who are mean and shove each other. They don't always seem to get that it's not acceptable.

I've got to ask- what children do you work with and in what capacity?

What makes you so sure the woman saw her toddler shove yours, from where she was standing?

It only takes a split second to shove someone.

There is a very real chance that she didn't see, especially as you were standing right by your child with your hand on her shoulder.

Leggy, I am a teacher. I work with a mixture of children with SN and without.

That just makes all the OTT shock and jaw dropping even stranger then

Sunshine

How does a child "look like an only child", and as a corollary, how many insults can you get into one small sentence?

Now I'm stunned.

YANBU OP. She should have apologised. And he should have been told off there and then. It's NOT inevitable that children will randomly shove, hit and push other children completely unprovoked. If you are one of the numerous parents on this thread whose child apparently DOES ( and probably then be indulged with a 'what a nasty lady that was giving you a filthy look Tarquin') then you should be down on your child like a ton of bricks. Why are people so unable to recognise and deal with bad behaviour at such an early stage?

Lello

Hmm

Well.

Hmm

Nope- can't be bothered to respond to that one.

DS looks like an only child.

There's no other children sitting with him...

Insightful contribution NotYoda. Really adds to the discussion

They don't, not if they're told off every time they do it,

And similar remarks.

There's a stage where they're still learning this though. Maybe that's where he is at the moment.

And anybody who can demonstrate perfect parenting at the end of Ikea needs a fucking medal.

Honestly - I'm gobsmacked.

It's completely unprofessional of you to refer to the children you teach as 'mean'. And no, the SEN children in particular wouldn't know that it's unacceptable. You haven't said the age group so I can't comment on the NT children.

Lello

You're most welcome

I'm all done with insightful contributions

I'll let those of you with projections, stereotypes and claptrap take over now

Joffrey

Mine never look like only children, they're always yelling after each other even when they're standing inches apart.

OP, she should have apologised but their could be numerous reasons she didn't, the most obvious being that she didn't see or that she was simply too focused on chasing after her DS.

YNBU to expect an apology, you are however slightly overeacting. You work with SN children, so I would assume would be more aware that bad behaviour isn't always down to parenting and that sometimes shit happens and people don't always react as they normally would.