To be too stunned to react?

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

Long post, sorry. I just don't want to drip feed.

So I was out yesterday with my DD (2 & 1/2) and my DM at IKEA. My DD and I were queueing up for an icecream at the end and DD went on the other side of the barrier to me but just stood there, no intention of running off so I wasn't concerned and I could reach her easily. A little boy (maybe 3) came up to her and with no provocation or reason just shoved my DD. Not hard particularly but she did hit her head on the barrier. Kids will be kids and all but his mother just called after him and he ran off even though she had seen him shove my DD (I know because she had already been calling him before he did it). No apology to me or concern for my DD, just following her little devil treasure. My DM said loudly that it was shocking but I was just too stunned to say anything. The man in the queue behind me said "that boy needs a good slap" but I was too shocked to even respond to him.

My question is, should I have reacted? Said something? My first concern was making sure my DD wasn't hurt (luckily she wasn't). Has this happened to anyone else?

my stock response now it not to judge an isolated thing like this.

Years ago when going through a very very stressful time relating to a child's illness I felt like I was in a fish bowl and outside of everything. I'm sure I committed many cardinal Mumsnet sins during that time, probably forgot to indicate once or twice, left my trolley in a place that made someone have to walk around it, I even brought my screaming child an ice cream just to make it stop. It's sad to think people were judging me on that snapshot.

And people may say, 'but what if they're genuinely a shit parent?' Well even then tutting and judging won't solve it. Compassion and striking up a friendship will. Extending an understanding hand will. And you're probably find out the reason they're not breezing through parenting like others can.

I agree that we shouldn't be judging each other all the time. It's actually the worry of judgemental others that makes me handle things badly sometimes as I get flustered thinking people are staring at me. That woman might have had too many people give her a dirty look or have a go at her before she she just ignores it now and tells her child later. Or she is having a tough day. Judging is such a negative act..

head, I have been in schools in very 'privileged' areas. I have just moved to an inner city school so we shall see if my parent experience changes.

Spooky, I totally agree! I went through a phase of utter anxiety about how I was handling my two year old. I was really struggling and life circumstances compounded that.

All ok now but jeez, it feels horrid being 'that' mother. I have a supportive, 'don't worry about it' it look that I use when I see this in other mums. They really fucking need that from other parents at times. I know I have valued it.

Navyandwhite. Sure but hanging onto that is a waste of anyone's energy. I've been irritated to fuck by some peoples parenting but it's much easier to recognise that parenting is hard and sometimes life is hard. Let it go!

MyPeriod, I would have given her a sympathetic smile and told her not to worry about it if she had shown even the slightest bit of concern for my DD.

If it was my dc and I heard that man threaten to slap my child. I would humilate him I would make sure everyone heard what he want to do with my child. He would have to leave the shop the embarrassment would kill him.

Do you think she may have heard and seen the commosion and felt embarrassed and intimidated. You, DM and man who wants to slap her child.

But would you have apologised for your child first sunshine

It's obvious the man wasn't saying he was really going to slap the child.

Oh come on, its completely unacceptable to see you kid shove another child (and hurt them in the process) and not at the very least apologise yourself for the childs behaviour.

Sunshine, I'd have been surprised if she had heard him. I only just heard him and he was stood a foot from me. I think he was just trying to show me that he thought it wasn't acceptable.

I am massively against any physical punishment for children but I honestly don't think he was advocating he would slap the boy. I think he just meant discipline in general.

Kali of course I would appologise first and then I would give him what he deserves after.

sunshine it was a joke