Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be too stunned to react?

342 replies

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 23/08/2016 17:32

Long post, sorry. I just don't want to drip feed.

So I was out yesterday with my DD (2 & 1/2) and my DM at IKEA. My DD and I were queueing up for an icecream at the end and DD went on the other side of the barrier to me but just stood there, no intention of running off so I wasn't concerned and I could reach her easily. A little boy (maybe 3) came up to her and with no provocation or reason just shoved my DD. Not hard particularly but she did hit her head on the barrier. Kids will be kids and all but his mother just called after him and he ran off even though she had seen him shove my DD (I know because she had already been calling him before he did it). No apology to me or concern for my DD, just following her little devil treasure. My DM said loudly that it was shocking but I was just too stunned to say anything. The man in the queue behind me said "that boy needs a good slap" but I was too shocked to even respond to him.

My question is, should I have reacted? Said something? My first concern was making sure my DD wasn't hurt (luckily she wasn't). Has this happened to anyone else?

OP posts:
Original poster
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 23/08/2016 20:29

Stop it! It'll be in my head all night!

OP posts:
Thatsmeinthecorner2016 · 23/08/2016 20:30

And I don't know if I can do it...

Thatsmeinthecorner2016 · 23/08/2016 20:32

Stopping now though, don't want to destroy the thread for you ...

hormental · 23/08/2016 20:35

Have you said too much?

Original poster
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 23/08/2016 20:36

It's ok, it's been established that I am being PFB about this.

Losing my religion Damn it!

OP posts:
Lelloteddy · 23/08/2016 20:36

I haven't said enough.....

NotYoda · 23/08/2016 20:44
Grin
youarenotkiddingme · 23/08/2016 20:45

Oh I can totally sympathise with having a biter.

My DS (who has ASD) was always at the receiving end of bites and pinches and didn't react through the whole stage his peers went through this. We don't think he even noticed half the time!
Then he hit 8yo. that age for children with HFA. He started hitting, kicking and biting Blush

Apologies were made. Even if they were half an hour later post meltdown.

Thatsmeinthecorner2016 · 23/08/2016 20:46

Looking very sheepish now Blush

I had the opposite once. My Dd must have been about 20 months or something when a little girl pushed her on one of those little carousels in a shopping centre. I just calmed her down and and told the girl not to push others around as they can all play together. Suddenly the father of the other girl came in and kept asking my DD to push and hit his daughter back as it's apparently the best way to resolve the issue. I refused and told him that that's the worst way to teach your children respect to others. I still feel very sorry for the little girl - what chance does she have with parents like that.

kamarastar · 23/08/2016 20:46

Grin Thatsme Yes, agree. Don't understand the rationalising and justification of rubbish behaviour all round. Well said.

NotYoda · 23/08/2016 20:53
Grin
OhNoNotMyBaby · 23/08/2016 21:00

Yawn....
2 toddlers have a bit of a bump...
really? Biscuit

Imaginosity · 23/08/2016 21:01

I'd hardly have flinched if this happened to one of my DCs.

If I was the mother I would have shouted an apology if I'd seen it happen but had to run off to catch my child. But I'd hardly give it a second thought if I had been you if she'd just run off.

Hereforthebeer · 23/08/2016 21:04

It happens but I would expect the mother to acknowledge its happened. no major gesture e.g. she/makes eye contact/ holds her hand up apologetically to you across the room and reprimands him, (not with a slap).

Otherwise how does he know right from wrong? He behaviour won't improve as he won't know its wrong. Prob what the man behind was implying too.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 23/08/2016 21:11

Im sorry your dd was hurt. Hope she's okay, now, but. Its not worth getting worked up over, and As for grown man says about a 3 year old pushing another child. That he needs a smack. How would smacking him teach him hitting/pushing is wrong. I can't abide the do as I say not as I do brigade.
If I was his mother and heard some advocating violence to my child. I'd have gone fucking postal.
You might have a little saint now op, but in 10 years down the line. Things could be very different.

BoffinMum · 23/08/2016 21:14

I think it's best not to react to this kind of thing very much. I just say later on to my kids "What naughty behaviour! I am so pleased you don't behave like that!"

That having been said, I did do the full Jo Frost on a random kid in the park today who kept trampling over my beach towel for no reason with mucky feet (we are talking about 10 times here). His mother was doing a lot of rather uncommitted sing song 'don't do that, darling' which he was well used to ignoring, and then tried to justify him doing the trampling 'because you don't understand two and a half year olds'. I pointed out I had four kids, and they had never tried rampaging across other people's beach towels more than once before I stopped them. Luckily she shut up (she also stopped doing her version of Loud Parenting, which was also a relief to the entire park). The two and a half year old walked very nicely round my beach towel after that.

DotForShort · 23/08/2016 21:20

Oh, dear. Very PFB indeed, I'm afraid. Instead of all the jaw dropping and stunned shock (which sounds exhausting, BTW), why not just think, "There but for the grace of God go I. . ." In the nature of things, you may well be in that position yourself someday.

Of course the boy shouldn't have shoved your child. Of course the mother should have apologised and encouraged him to do so. But it does seem as though you are making quite a mountain out of this tiny molehill.

MrsHathaway · 23/08/2016 21:24

FML stands for "fuck my life" and is how young people indicate their minor annoyance nowadays.

"Mum bought Corn Flakes instead of Frosties again FML"

GrumpyOldBag · 23/08/2016 21:26

Really OP ...

When my DS was a toddler he bit a strange kid in the park, threw a toy car at another kid at playgroup causing massive bruise on kid's head, and more ...

He's now 14 and the most delightful, polite, charming teenager you can imagine.

Kids do that stuff. You need to get a sense of perspective.

BuntyBonus · 23/08/2016 21:30

Aha. I like it. 😀

couldntlovethebearmore · 23/08/2016 21:59

To my shame I was a bit like this with my first Blush
You too OP will look back and cringe/wish this was your only kind of worry when she hits the preteen stage

OhNoNotMyBaby · 23/08/2016 22:06

Are we in the kingdom of troll here or is this a serious post?

Mrs Hathaway I had no idea about FML! Thank you. I have 2 teenagers but have never heard that expression.

Rainbowunicorn73 · 23/08/2016 22:27

Op if I'm reading this right, your dd is 2 1/2 is that right?
There seems to be a few "my dd would never" in your post.
Be very careful as another poster said that could bite you in the bum.
My ds was a complete Angel until he turned 3 1/2 then loads of button pushing, running off behaviour started.
Just saying you could end up on the other side of things one day Wink

Haudyerwheesht · 23/08/2016 22:33

Oh dear you're one of those parents who think that everything their child is and does is because of what they have done right.

I was a bit like that. Ds didn't tantrum because I just wouldn't stand for it and he soon learnt. Ha fucking ha Dd couldn't give a shiny shit if I stood for it or not.

It's really no big deal OP, toddlers push each other, yes probably the mum should've apologised but it's totally normal behaviour and I'm shocked you haven't come across it before. Will your Dd be going to nursery at 3? Presuming she isn't already (or maybe she is but you aren't around to see he behaviour) . If she starts Nursery at 3 if strongly suggest socialising her beforehand because tbh it sounds like she's not really experienced much interaction with other kids?

Lelloteddy · 23/08/2016 22:38

The OP hadn't said her DD won't ever be the one doing the shoving, pushing or biting.

But I can bet that if the Ops DD IS the one on the attack, then the OP will, like many other parents, step in quickly to stop it AND will apologise to any child who has been shoved, bitten, pushed or bashed on the head.

The issue is the number of parents who DO let kids away with repeated episodes of bad behaviour and who adopt an attitude that it's just little Billy being spirited, and there's nothing to be done because ALL kids do it ( they don't) and they'll grow out of it (most do but part of that growing is learning that it's wrong).

And if you are the parent whose child is being aggressive or hurting another child, it doesn't matter if it's the first incident that day or the fiftieth. You have to be consistent, you have to give them boundaries and you have to let them know that certain behaviours are unacceptable by giving them consequences. And if that includes saying sorry then all the better.