To drink brake fluid?

[redisthenewblack]

I'm not addicted though, I can stop whenever I want.

Anyone else got a favourite 'dad joke'?

Why did the bubble gum cross the road?

Because it was stuck to the chickens foot

Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn't peeling very well!

What do you call a dinosaurs with no eyes?
Doyouthinkhesawus

Mary had a little lamb
It walked into a pylon
10,000 volts blew up it's arse
And turned it's wool to nylon

What is green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Cause 7,8,9!!!

7 pages and I'm still laughing at "your mum" meddie.

Why are pirates called pirates?
Because they arrrrrrrr.

Why is an elephant big grey and wrinkly?
Because if it was small white and round it'd be an aspirin.

These made me laugh so much. Thank you every one.

The numbers are having a party and the zero said to the eight
“I like your belt”

The numbers are having a party and the zero said to the eight
“I like your belt”

Frappe frappe
qui est la?
Lorst
lorst qui?

Oui

Sorry, must have really liked that one

Did you hear about the lad who was sacked from the 'tickle me Elmo' factory?
His boss asked him to give each Elmo ten test tickles

How do you make a dog drink?
Stick it in a blender.

I've been reading these out to DS (aged 12) and they're funny read out loud

Man goes to the takeaway for him and the Missus

"Fish and chips twice please"
"It's OK, I heard you the first time"

Man goes to the Doctors
"Doctor, I've got a raspberry on my head"
"I can give you some cream for thst"

What do the French Navy say as they get into their boats?

A l'eau! C'est l'heure!

Place marking to make the dcs laugh tomorrow.

Should take up a bit of time during these LONG holidays.....

What kind of bees make milk?

BOOBEES

DD1' s favourite joke age 4

How many tickles do you give an Octopus?
Tenticles.

When we were growing up it was the elephant jokes.

How do yoh hide an elephant in a cherry tree?

Paint it's toe nails red

How can you tell if an elephant's been in your kitchen?

Footprints in the butter

How do you know an elephat has had sex in your kitchen?

Bin bags on the floor

Which King of England was a chiropodist?

William the Corn-curer

Did you hear about the Electric organ that could only play Wagner?
It was a Nazi Synthesiser ...

I had to put the dog down today.
He wasn't ill, just really heavy.

What's green & bounces around Australia?

Skippy the cooking Apple

Why should you never go outside when it's raining cats and dogs?

Because you might step in a poodle!