To drink brake fluid?

[redisthenewblack]

I'm not addicted though, I can stop whenever I want.

Anyone else got a favourite 'dad joke'?

What did they call the man who swam the channel in spite of the fact he had no arms, legs or ears?
A clever dick.

What do you call a man with an ax in his head? Edward
...three axes? Edward Woodward

..a spade in his head? Doug
..after the spade has been removed? Douglas

Man went to the doctor and said,"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a moth."
Doctor said, "It's not me you want , it's the psychiatrist next door."
Man says, "Well, I was going there, but your light was on."

I love cheese jokes

What cheese do you use to hide a horse?

Mascarpone!

What's black and white and red all over?

A self-harming nun. Yes, it's sick I know.

Why can't a car play football

Because it only has one boot

Is there an echo on this thread, or are there no new jokes?

What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?

A woolly jumper

There are loads.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Scott.
Scott who?
Scott nothing to do with you.

My dad told that joke for around forty years.

What do you call a waterfall that flows upwards?

Viagra Falls

What's pink and hard in the mornings?
The Financial Times crossword.

meddie

What do you call a hen looking at a lettuce?

A chicken Caesar salad

Two snowmen in a field.
One says to the other "Can you smell carrots?"

which seques into: two cannibals eating a clown.
One says to the other 'does this taste funny to you?'

How do you get Pikachu on a bus?

Pokemon

My favourite joke ever and finally people know what im talking about again

Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed!!

DD (4) current favourite!

What cheese would you use to entice a scary French bear?

French accent - Camembert

Have you heard the one about the man who had five willies?

His underpants fitted him like a glove.

An English cat called 1,2,3 and a French cat called un, deux, trois decided to have a swimming race.

The English cat won.......

Because un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq

"Where's your wife going on holiday?"

"Alaska"

"Nah it's ok. I'll ask her myself"...

Why did the baker's hands smell?

Cos he kneaded a poo!

Why did the Scarecrow win an award?

Because he was out standing in his field.

What is the most common owl in the UK? The tea towel.

-Doctor, I feel like a cross between a marquee and a big top.
-Hmm.., you're too tense.

-Doctor, I get a pain in my eye when I drink tea.
-Try taking the spoon out.

I had a breakdown on the M4 today.
I was driving along and just started sobbing.

What do you call a wizard with a runny nose?

Harry Snotter