To think it's not just me who doesn't like being stared at while partially dressed?

[lifeofsiam]

Dh and I were in what is supposed to be an over-14's only sauna/spa bath area.

A boy who looked significantly younger (about 12) sat on the edge of the jacuzzi steps staring at us the entire time. His mother and elder sibling stayed in the steam room, leaving him outside.

In the changing rooms, I spoke politely to the mother, saying she may not have seen the sign saying it is over -14's only, and also her son had stared at us the entire time, making us feel uncomfortable.

She became angry with me, said the boy was almost 14 and autistic- which is why he was staring.

Ok, we weren't to know that, and she was clearly very stressed.

She then muttered 'there's always one.'

I asked 'always one what ?'

'Always one who is uncomfortable being stared at.'

I didn't respond- I didn't want to argue with or antagonise another mother with a disabled child - but afterwards I thought how it's not just me who would feel uncomfortable and a lot of people, especially women and teenage girls wouldn't feel comfortable in those circumstances, either? And that I'm not 'only one' in that case?

Stroking a cat is also very calming.

I have two cats and I love when they jump on my lap and sit there and let me pet them.

I also have two guinea pigs, one of which is fat and very fluffy Cuddling them is also very therapeutic. I call it piggy therapy.

I'm just shocked because I was the one that said it is not just low and high but everything in between and yet apparently no-one is allowed to be closer to the low functioning end of the scale without being severe.

On a scale of 1-10 if 1 was low then I wouldn't be past 5, i cannot communicate like this in real life. Stories are easy. Writing to me is really technical I just pick apart the different ways text is constructed and replicate it to hopefully portray what I'm saying after obsessing for years, to compensate for not being able to speak to anyone.

And the fact that this poster claimed I should have the empathy to the SN person but she's able-bodied and still showing zero empathy. I cant process it

But the OP wasn't the one staring...?

She meant that she wouldn't mind people staring at her as much as she minded people staring at her child that's all. I feel the same way. And it's nothing to do with thinking I have it worse than my child.

Not taking any sides, I hate to see such distress caused by taking a meaning from something which someone didn't intend, and hate to see such a harsh reaction against someone who didn't actually mean what you thought. I guess it's a different way of looking at a comment. I'm not saying your feelings are not valid they are your own,though, before I get accused of that.

The three of you are upset but really are laying into someone very aggressively. And it's a re shame that you are so upset by her comment, which I am sure she didn't mean the way you took it.

Trying to create some peace here but will undoubtedly bring down all the aggression on my own head.

" go out of their way" I have been bl**dy seething reading this thread

I sadly agree that you have been very aggressive and almost wanting to start a fight on this thread giraffe.

It's not like you usually so hope you are OK.

I don't feel like I've been anymore aggressive than what was directed at me but would apologise if that's the case. I think she was extremely overly personal about my disability and noone wants to be told they are more "able" than they are by someone that's never even met them

Your newspaper I really think you were misinterpreting her. I'm not saying that to attack you, but because I hope that makes you feel better.

you started to play the "oh well I'm disabled too " card

Although just to be a PITA sorry if people could make a little reference as to what they're commenting on as I'm now worried I'm replying to stuff that wasn't directed at me

Talking about your disability is not "pulling a card"

Fanjo she literally said that I was more "able"

Haven't RTFT but just wanted to add that this wouldn't happen in any other European country as I've never experienced anyone wearing clothes of any kind in a sauna/steam room anywhere except in the UK (caveat - I can only compare with Continental Europe, not the rest of the world).

Having grown up in one of the countries that invented the sauna, and having since then lived in several countries in Continental Europe, I'd never go to a sauna / steam room in the UK as it just feels too yucky to wear a swimsuit (as opposed to just a towel) and the general embarrassment is just too tangible.

Please note that in all the naked saunas that I attended as a matter of course while growing up (they were part and parcel of the public swimming pool, for example, just as much as the communal showers - both were generally all female though) I never once got a glimpse of anyone's privates as everyone uses towels and dressing gowns. It definitely isn't a haven for pedophiles! But it does normalise nakedness, and I've only ever seen this angst of "oh my god, that boy is staring at me" in the UK.

Also coming across as able is a bit of a compliment really if you look at it the other way. No one can obviously truly know someone on here but you communicate well on here. I guess she wishes her DD was able to do that too and it hurts? But she doesn't know your personal struggles of course.

Better not talk about having ASD anymore because I wouldn't want to pull the disability card

My last comment was to you Yournewspaper :)

Giraffe. .tomorrow is another day. Hope it's a better one for you :)

It's just I could empathise with OP being uncomfortable even though it was a child because I feel that way. So was responding to those saying that surely noone could feel like that.

I was utterly shocked to be told I was able enough to control that response just because I can read and write I'm not sure how else I could take it because she was very direct and then clearly things got heated when she claimed I said things I hadn't said

I also think navy was just really being empathetic towards the woman in OP and didn't mean to upset anyone.

Adding to clarify: yes, I have been to mixed saunas in Northern and Continental Europe, including with teenage boys and girls. Everyone just wears a towel around their privates and there is no big deal. By the seaside in Scandinavia there tends to be a polite rota of who goes for a dip in the sea at the same time (i.e. a girls' slot followed by a boys' one). I'd never really felt self-conscious about my body until moving to the UK.