DM at birth

[MermaidTears]

Am I the only one who thinks it's so so awkward to have your mum at the birth?
I banned my mum the first two times, now pregnant with a third and she's back to hinting at her 'last chance' to see a grandchild be born.
She had my dad and nan (her mum) with her when she gave birth to me and doesn't think it's weird at all.
I just cannot get past the idea of my mum seeing me naked or partially naked and with my vagina fully on show. I just find it fucking odd!
When I was pregnant with my first my mil actually assumed I might want her there. I couldn't help but laugh when she said it, just no!
Anyway almost all my friends and school mum friends had their husbands and their mums. Is it just me who finds it so weird, or do I just not have that kind of comfortable relationship with my own mum?

[OvariesBeforeBrovaries]

Meant to add; it's completely up to you who you have. If you want it to be just you, or just you and DP, or you and your DP and your mum, or you and another relative or you and a stranger if that's what you want, that's totally your choice.

There's a definite sneering attitude just lately towards women who choose to have someone other than their DP present (not you, OP, just posts on this thread and on others). I've not seen anyone criticising anyone else for not having their mum there, so why people think they can sneer at women for having their mum there is gross.

[Love26life]

God i could not have my mum there either! And we are super close!
I'm the type of person when sad or vulnerable goes straight to mum for reassurance... But when it came to labour I wanted to be by myself so much so I had a home birth for my DD after a crappy hospital birth for my DS!

[PinkyofPie]

I would rather poke myself in the eye with a stick than have my mother at my birth. She's asked both times and I've said no (currently pregnant with no 2).

Mostly because I have a very difficult relationship with her and she wouldn't be the least bit comforting or supportive. But even with someone I got along with, I wouldn't want them to see me in such pain, naked, screaming and bleeding.

When people have their dads, kids, mates etc in the room when they give birth I don't know wether to admire their ability to not care or think they're completely crazy!

[ohdearme1958]

When people have their dads, kids, mates etc in the room when they give birth I don't know wether to admire their ability to not care or think they're completely crazy

To be honest I never give people who don't have their dads, kids, mates etc in the room a thought in the first place let alone think they could be crazy for not doing so.

[ohdearme1958]

Ovariesbeforebovaries - your second post is spot on.

[user1467798821]

I didn't have my DM at my DD birth and I regret it, I had an awful time, young and scared and not confident enough to say what I really wanted. When my DD became pregnant herself , I tentatively asked if she wanted me there and she said no. I accepted that, no malice was intended and I was happy to wait by the phone for updates. On the delivery day they had both gone into the delivery suite and I was getting frantic texts about how I had not warned her of the pain and the agony, but her DP was there with her. I paced the floor for a while and then my mobile rang, was SIL giving me an update, halfway through there was a scream that I will never forget ever " I want my mum,I want my mum, I want my mum!" I don't think DH has ever driven so fast! When I arrived, she was most put out that I wasn't waiting outside the whole time and had taken 20 mins to get to her. I had all of my children by c section, so couldn't really offer advise in practical terms but I could tell the staff what DD needed and was able to make clear any instructions the midwife needed her to know. It was an amazing privilege seeing my grand daughter come into the world and my daughters eyes never left mine whilst she was pushing. She was amazing and I think I floated for about 6 months. That said I have 2 other GDC that I saw shortly after they were born and I feel exactly the same about them. It is purely a personal preference, don't let anyone bully you into something you will later regret.

[OrsonWellsHat]

My DD asked me to be her birthing partner, therefore I was. Totally her decision.

[slithytove]

Neither is right or wrong.

My first birth I didn't want anyone at the business area.
Second was a section.
Third was a home birth.

DH didn't want to see anything, accidentally did, said it was amazing, and cut the cord!

My mum hovered in the kitchen not sure about coming in, but I said it was ok, I'm still not sure if she saw dd being born or not. All she would have seen was my backside though and I'm sure she would have focused on the baby!

I wouldn't have wanted anyone else, but mostly if they were a related female it wouldn't bother me. We all have the same parts, my mum did the same thing three times, she has seen me naked before. Something quite special about sharing that with your daughter when you did that for her however many years ago.

I don't think I'll chuck my toys out the pram if I can't see my grandkids being born though!

[LaContessaDiPlump]

My mother specifically requested to NOT be there for DS2's emergence, but my sister came along for the craic and brought custard tarts for afterwards!

I never wanted my mother there, at all; having her around for a couple of the NCT classes was painful enough. The teacher made her sit behind me and hug me in a relaxation exercise. We were both SOO uncomfortable. She wasn't a natural birth partner, put it that way!!

[MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic]

I had DH and my Mum at all three births, but I am the only person I know that did that - most of my circle of friends just went with their partners. Dh is lovely, but he's incredibly laidback and non-assertive, and I needed someone there who would be able to tell me what to do if things went wrong, which it did - DH was comforting, but my Mum pushed me through it which was more helpful (they were threatening to 'assist' which was a definite Do Not Want and not needed once she'd got me to focus )

[HooseRice]

I'm not close to my mother and could never have had her at my births. She would have definitely found a way to make them all about her

DH was there and at no point looked at the business end, his choice. I'd have had no problems if he had, he's certainly seen it all before, granted not with a baby emerging. What I'm saying is that if that is your worry, it need not be.

[minipie]

DM was there (along with DH) for DD1's birth - not planned that way but DD1 arrived very early and suddenly and DM had got me to the hospital while DH was still leaving work, so I wasn't going to ask her to leave. We are very close anyway.

Just DH for DD2.

DH and DM stayed at my "head end" both times! Actually I'd be less bothered about DM seeing the business end than DH - after all DM's already familiar with what childbirth does to a fanjo and it's DH who'd be having to banish the gruesome memories during sex

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

It never crossed my mind to have my mother there. The thought of my mother in law being there is beyond awful.

I felt pressured into having my husband there. If I'd made a true choice I would only have had medically trained professionals there.

[Coxy234]

My mum was with me during labour the first time, but when the ils turned up, I ended up sending them all home. DH had phoned them to tell them and they turned up at the hospital, even though they were told not to come! I regretted sending my mum home, even though I wouldn't have planned to have her there and she wasn't at the births of my other two.

When either of my DDs have children I would really like to be there DD1 (19) says she would like me to be there but DD2 (only 14) isn't so sure. I guess I'll just have to wait and see, as I appreciate (and hope) I have a while to wait until it happens.

I wouldn't want to be there when DS's partner gives birth but I do think she would want her mum there.