DM at birth

[MermaidTears]

Am I the only one who thinks it's so so awkward to have your mum at the birth?
I banned my mum the first two times, now pregnant with a third and she's back to hinting at her 'last chance' to see a grandchild be born.
She had my dad and nan (her mum) with her when she gave birth to me and doesn't think it's weird at all.
I just cannot get past the idea of my mum seeing me naked or partially naked and with my vagina fully on show. I just find it fucking odd!
When I was pregnant with my first my mil actually assumed I might want her there. I couldn't help but laugh when she said it, just no!
Anyway almost all my friends and school mum friends had their husbands and their mums. Is it just me who finds it so weird, or do I just not have that kind of comfortable relationship with my own mum?

[quitecrunchy]

I'm due soon and have genuinely been surprised at how many people have asked me if my DM will be at the birth. I didn't know it was a common thing at all. We're very close but there's absolutely no chance I'd want her there as I see it as something for DH and me to share and I wouldn't want to think about how she was coping with seeing me in pain.

Must be horrible to feel pressured to give her the 'experience' she desires. Stay strong - it's not about her!

[Italiangreyhound]

mermaid please do exactly as you choose and do not let anyone make you feel bad.

Being made to feel to feel prudish for not wanting to reveal your naked body is completey wrong! Of course medical professionals will need access to you to help you. But your mother, not so much!

No one thinks anyone is going to seduce anyone with their fango at the birth! But it still does not mean unnecessary people should be included at the birth unless the mum to be wants them there.

I love my mum but would not have wantrd her at my child's birth!

[TrashPanda]

I had my mum and DP with me for my first. I was 19, still living at home and DP couldn't drive. My mum took us both to the hospital and stayed with me. DP was more scared and unsure than me so he found it more helpful. It also meant that he could take time out if needed but I wouldn't be on my own. After DS was born, she and the midwife disappeared for a while so we had a bit of time for the 3 of us.

With my second, we were 6 years older, living together an hour away and DP was a lot more sure of what to expect and we both felt confident doing it together. He could also drive by then.

[FreshHorizons]

I have a very good relationship with my mother and love her to bits but I certainly wouldn't have her at the birth.

[calli335]

I'm very close to my mum but no way would I have wanted her there at my births. Horses for courses though I guess...

[Mishegoss]

My mum delivered my second. It was amazing. You've gotta do whatever you're happy with.

[blueturtle6]

When i was first pregnant is was so worried hubby may not make it I had mum as back up and a friend if she couldn't make it. Now I would happily go off I an empty dark room, but each to their own

[SockQueen]

I love my mum, she is awesome, and I'm sure she'd be great at a birth - she was an NCT teacher for years so was birth partner for several of her tutees for various reasons. But I don't want her there at my delivery (due in just under a month).

Firstly, she lives 2 hours away, so I don't want her racing down the motorway or to have to worry about why she hasn't arrived yet.

Secondly, while I have no doubt she was a great NCT teacher, I'm an anaesthetist, so our perspectives on certain aspects of childbirth are somewhat different. I don't want to have to discuss e.g. epidurals in depth when in labour - if I decide I want one then that's final!

Thirdly, I just don't want to have to deal with more people than is necessary. Not to do with nudity etc, and I have no issue with endless HCPs being there, but I want to be able to find my own "zone" and deal with things my way, and the fewer people I have around, the better. DH will be fine, but I don't want to worry about anyone else there.

FWIW, in my professional capacity I go into a fair number of delivery rooms, and I'd estimate that a significant number, but less than half, of women have their mothers there, so either way is definitely not abnormal!

[OhhBetty]

If you don't want her there don't have her there.
I had my mum there and would have her there again. I wore a nightie so the most she saw was my legs. She may have looked as he was being born but I ended up having about ten medical professionals looking down there at the same time so I didn't care!

[TellMeSomethingNew]

What is it about your mum seeing your naked that you don't like? I'm assuming you were naked when you had sex and conceived...?

TBH I don't get it. It's just skin

[Nuttypops]

If DH couldn't be with me, I would ask DM to be with me but only because I would want someone I trusted fully to be there. I would absolutely hate DM to be there generally, I have a close relationship with my Mum but she would drive me scatty with fussing when I labour. In reality, I hate the idea of DH seeing me like that let alone anyone else, but no way DH is escaping and leaving me to deal with that pain alone!

[queenMab99]

30 years ago or so, when I had my children, this was unheard of unless the mother to be was very young, ie. 16/17 or so. We just never thought of it, although I suppose having your husband at the birth was a new thing then. Although i had a very close relationship with my mother, having her at the birth would have been like having her witness our wedding night!

[Pinkheart5915]

Do whatever you are comfortable with.

I understand you not wanting wanting your Mum with you, I love my Mum and we get on great but I never wanted her at the birth of my children it made me uncomfortable so I said no and that I felt it was a day for me & DH and I didn't want anybody else with us

[CoolioAndTheGang]

Our Hospital has a strict one continuous birthing partner (no swapping)per mum rule so it makes it a lot easier to decide. The labor rooms (separated from the labour ward) are in a locked unit. The last thing you want when you're in labour, is an audience. Medical staff and one birthing partner is plenty imo.

[ElBandito]

What is it about your mum seeing your naked that you don't like? I'm assuming you were naked when you had sex and conceived...?

I wouldn't want my mum there for that either

[Italiangreyhound]

You don't need to be naked to conceive and even if you are you have chosen to be. Not wanting to be naked in front of your own mum is not unusual. Plus it is not just naked, it is in pain (most likely) with a baby popping out of you.

I honk it's fine for people who want their mum present but understandable not to.

[Italiangreyhound]

Think not honk!

[Babyzoo]

I don't get it either. It's not something I'd want. My mum would be no help anyway but to me it's something to be shared with your partner.

I don't get having lots of people waiting outside either.

[n0ne]

No way I wanted my Mum there, seeing me in pain with no dignity, fanjo on show, blood everywhere! I don't know anyone whose mum was there at the birth either.

[VoldysGoneMouldy]

Do whatever you feel most comfortable with. And know it's okay to change your mind. Doesn't matter what everyone else is doing.

[Sparklesilverglitter]

It you feel uncomfortable with it op just tell your mum that. You need to feel comfortable in labour.

My DD is 4 days old and she was born a few days before my due date, and the plan was my DH is with me and mum wanted to hang around the hospital but I went in to labour and dh was on an overnight Barcelona business trip to tie up some loose ends before paternity leave so Mum came in delivery with me, she stayed up the top of the bed, went nowhere near the business end and we got on great. Had my DH been here I wouldn't of wanted Mum in with me/us

[Eatthecake]

I didn't want my Mum in with me for any of the 4 DC births, in my mind it was a special time for me and dh.

It you don't feel comfortable with it then don't do it