DM at birth

[MermaidTears]

Am I the only one who thinks it's so so awkward to have your mum at the birth?
I banned my mum the first two times, now pregnant with a third and she's back to hinting at her 'last chance' to see a grandchild be born.
She had my dad and nan (her mum) with her when she gave birth to me and doesn't think it's weird at all.
I just cannot get past the idea of my mum seeing me naked or partially naked and with my vagina fully on show. I just find it fucking odd!
When I was pregnant with my first my mil actually assumed I might want her there. I couldn't help but laugh when she said it, just no!
Anyway almost all my friends and school mum friends had their husbands and their mums. Is it just me who finds it so weird, or do I just not have that kind of comfortable relationship with my own mum?

[Foslady]

After seeing your update no way would I want her there - you don't need added stress of someone who thinks it's acceptable to berrate comment on your body. Even if she doesn't do it now, it'll be always in the back of your mind waiting for her to open her trap. Stick to your guns!!!!

[MrsBobDylan]

No worries about her seeing my bits but my mum waited with dh and I before I had a cs with dc1 and all she kept doing was pointing out things she felt the HCAs 'should have done by now' and it wasn't relaxing at all.

She then somehow appeared just after the cs in partial scrubs, fuck knows how she got in!!

For dc 2 & 3 I politely declined her help and it was much better.

[Farfromtheusual]

Absolutely no way is my Mom being there when I finally give birth (due in 2 weeks). Mostly because she is so annoying I will probably want to punch her, but also I know she will be all weird and want to look down there when the head is coming out. No thank you.

I will be having DP and my sister, mostly because we are close and she is very level headed and calm so will be a good support. She will also not be weird and want to look down there, she will be by my head just like DP, encouraging me etc. She also has good medical knowledge and will understand what's going on if any issues etc which DP will not.

[Oysterbabe]

I didn't have and wouldn't want my mum there. Nothing to do with nudity but more because it was a moment for my husband and I and she would have been intruding on it. I don't think it would have been the same experience for him with the MIL breathing down his neck.

[ItShouldHaveBeenJess]

pearl. I love the ambiguity of your 'it wasn't the best idea....'

[Honeyandfizz]

I also had my dm there when dd was born. We are very close & dh didn't mind. In the end it worked out well for support for dh as the labour wasn't smooth and dm was good support. The pope himself could have been looking at my vagina & at that moment I wouldn't have give a shit, neither dh nor dm ventured beyond the head of the bed anyway!

[Gardencentregroupie]

My mum is awful, and I mean AWFUL, with medical stuff. She had been miffed that DSis didn't want her there for her first, but when she saw DSis having painful contractions in early labour our mum absolutely went to pieces. Couldn't handle it at all. My labour got tricky, my mum would have been an utter nightmare! Though fortunately she had learned her limitations by the time it was my turn and didn't ask to come.

DSis, however, was a star and a great support to DH as well as me.

[ComedyWing]

I've thought, and I do not know a single person who had their mother with them for any of their labours. I mean, I know it's a thing that is done, but not in my 'circle' (which is fairly diverse and involves people based on several continents...)

Those who do choose this must have very different relationships with their parents, is all I can say.

I'm fond of my mother, but she was socialised to believe that doctors were just below priests and God in the Hierarchy of the Universe ( the 'get into your clean nightie and sheets and tidy the bedroom for home visits even if you are actually dying' school of thought), and finds my rather more assertive attitude to my own medical care, including a quite medicalised birth, stupefying. She would have been rushing about bleating apologies for me asking for the curtain for the CS to be lowered etc.

No, OP, not in the least unreasonable. I know of course that people for whom having their mothers present is completely normal are also not being in the least unreasonable, but deep inside I find it a very strange thing to do.

[missm0use]

DM wanted to be invited - asked me if she could come and I said no 2 months before my due date. Asked me again 1 month before and again I said no. Then asked my DP if she could come on Christmas Day, and did it in front of me and as I started to tell her AGAIN that I didn't did want her there - she shhhh'd me and told me to let DP answer as it wasn't just about me!

Even though she wasn't there she was still nightmare!! She called the ward and asked to speak to the staff nurse and demanded to know my progress - the reason I know about it is that the nurses came and asked me to get in contact with her so she would stop calling! Then she kept texting DP whilst I was in labour so instead of him being there to support me he was having to deal with her instead. Which I'm sure would have been just about bearable with had there not been complications and I ended up with sepsis.

When DM came to visit the next day, and I was explaining what I had been through during labour she cut me off midsentence and said "just have a c-section next time".

DM has since said that I denied her 'her rights' as my mother to be part of my giving birth.

Don't know when giving birth stopped being viewed as a medical procedure and became a spectators sport!

[Jasonandyawegunorts]

For a second i tohught you were inviting the Daily Mail to the birth.

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

My mum wouldn't be prudish or anything. She used to be a nurse.

I'm actually at the thought of my DSis joining me. She is beyond wimpy with blood and needles.

[RaptorInaPorkPieHat]

Years ago my DM and I had the following conversation:

DM: At work today, everyone was talking about having their mothers with them when they give birth, is that something you'd want?

Me: Hell, No!

DM: Thank fuck for that!

I am my mother's daughter

[ItWentInMyEye]

I'd never have my mum there, but have friends who had theirs. My mum heavily hinted each time and got a bit huffy when I said I wouldn't want her there, made comments like "well obviously its up to YOU but soandso had HER mum there..." My body, my labour, my choice.

[Aebj]

I didn't want my mum there. She didn't ask either.
If my mil asked I would of let her come along.

[DesignedForLife]

I wouldn't be worried about my mum seeing me naked, I haven't got anything she hasn't seen before. Would say the same for my dad, but he's a medical professional who's done births in the past, so he wouldn't be phased by lady bits, and would probably stay away from the business end and could probably be helpful in the event of something not going to plan. My mum would probably be very helpful cleaning up after Midwifes or something, but I'd be worried she'd do something that would annoy me and it could lead to a poorly timed row. Moreover DH wants to be there, and I know he will do what I want, and the dynamic between the two could be awkward.

[Joshuajosephspork]

I was there at the birth of all three of my daughter's children. It was a wonderful experience but not a spectator sport. To be honest I saw very little that was happening at the business end - it was mainly encouragement and hand holding (hand squeezing on her part 😬) back rubbing and being sworn at. I did get to cut the cords (much tougher than I had imagined) and to have an early cuddle with the babies though.

Of course if you think your mother will be critical and unsupportive you shouldn't have her there, but honestly none of it, for us, was about naked body parts.

Hope you have a smooth birth and congratulations.

[DragonMamma]

It's clearly a very personal choice. I had my DM there for both of my labours. I always want my mum when I'm scared or feeling really unwell - I trust her when she says it's going to be OK!

She was a great support, as was my cousin, who also came in for my first labour (I was a SP at that point).

It was such a great experience that I was there when my DM had my dsis and my cousin had her ds.

Getting naked and stuff isn't something we do routinely but what happens in labour, stays in to labour room in my mind.

[SnipSnipMrBurgess]

See I wouldnt want my mother anywhere near me during child birth and am horrified at the thought.

But I wonder how my DD will feel if she ever had kids. I wouldnt even think to presume I would be there but wonder if she would want me there?

[Oldraver]

In the past my Mum had pulled a funny face at the mention of her being at a birth as she 'didnt want to see that'. She's not remotely compassionate and would of been her usual Negative Nelly all the way through.

As it was she told me "When you have the baby, I'lI only be able to come at the weekend as I have no holidays left" a̶s̶ ̶s̶h̶e̶ ̶b̶o̶o̶k̶e̶d̶ ̶a̶ ̶f̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶w̶e̶e̶k̶ ̶h̶o̶l̶i̶d̶a̶y̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶f̶r̶i̶e̶n̶d̶s̶

I swear she made sure she had no holiday left

[AudreyBradshaw]

My DM will move hell and high water will be there when I give birth in November. My dh has form for flapping and panicking and as a result not listening when he feels out of his depth. He will be fantastic if all goes to plan and it's a stress free birth. If it doesn't go quite to plan and there's anything that becomes a bit lairy then my dm is there to be my advocate and will be the go between. Dh will defer to doctors and nurses in a bid to get my pain to go away. My dm knows my preferences and will be the one who powers through if I'm struggling. It's also part of the contingency plan that if something happens to me/baby then there's one person to stay with me and one with the baby. But lord only knows what will actually happen!

YANBU in the slightest to not want your mother there.

[MiriAmmerman]

DP and I are expecting DC1 (not for a while yet though). DP and I are both women but she is the pregnant one. She is adamant she doesn't want her DM (my MIL) anywhere near on the day of birth. I'm happy with that The plan is for it to be just the 2 of us, plus whichever medical staff are necessary.
If it were me, I wouldn't want my DM there either. Possibly if I was going through it as a single mum with no partner, but I can't imagine it otherwise.

MIL definitely won't be offended not to be at the birth. She was with SIL when DNephew was born and didn't enjoy it at all. She's very squeamish (didn't want to look, and nearly fainted when MW offered to let her cut the cord) and just found the whole experience incredibly stressful. I feel a bit sorry for SIL tbh - she had MIL and BIL there and both were useless. BIL spent the whole time looking out of the window, and MIL kept snapping at her because she was so stressed out hoping I do a bit better when it's DP's turn

[MillieMoodle]

YANBU. I didn't want my mum there when I had DS, and she made it clear she didn't want to be there. In fact, DPs went to a wedding about 4 hours away the weekend I was booked in for induction. PILs lived abroad at the time so no question of MIL being there either. It was just for me and DH. I had been a bit worried that DH would be useless as he doesn't do blood and guts, but he was amazing. And he saw everything. He didn't want to cut the cord though, that was the bit that made him go very pale! DC2 is due in 3 weeks; again it will just be me and DH. DPs will be looking after DS for us, PILs have expressed no interest in anything at all so far.

Do what you want OP. Hope all goes well!

[BoredOnMatLeave]

I never intended to have my mum there. I'm very independent but as soon as the contractions started I just wanted my mum. She was great and to be honest gave DP company whilst I slept. She hasn't seen me naked since I was a child but in the moment I didn't even think about it. It felt more natural her seeing it than a midwife I've never met before to be honest.

MIL???...haha no way.