Aibu or is DP re step daughter having her own room?

[Kukoo]

I have 3 DC (2 DS 5 & 8, DD 11) who live with us 5 nights of the week.

DP has 1 DD (3) who stays with us 1 night a week.

We have a baby on the way and are moving to a 5 bedroom house, which I'll be buying, just my name on the mortgage.

At the moment the boys share and if like them to have their own room each. They share a small room at their dad's house and are very much on top of each other, which means they bicker a lot. DD has her own small at our house and has a pop us bed at her dad's.

DP would like his DD to have her own room at the new house and for the boys to continue to share. She has her own room at her mum's house and I only stays with us one night a week.

We are planning to give the baby the smallest room.

Who is BU?

He is - if she is only there one night then she doesn't need her own room.....at least not when she is only 3!!

Him.

But who will she share with? The baby?

He is.
Crazy to leave a perfectly good bedroom unoccupied 6 nights a week while the boys have to share!

She stays 1 night a week them she does not need her own room.

He is but lots of people will come on and call you a heartless cow for thinking that because none resident step children are entitled to more space and more consideration and more everything than resident children even tho the already have those things in the house that they actually live in.

It sounds like neither of you are BU. The boys need their own space, but it's unreasonable to make your 11 yo DD to share with a 3 yo. The best situation would probably be to keep baby in your room, and give each of the dc their own room.

I'd put his dd and baby in a room together, and give smallest room to the 5yr old.

Oh, I didn't realise it was only 1 night a week. Oops in that case, YA definitely NBU.

She can't sleep in a shared room as she won't settle, this is what DP has always maintained hence she's never slept in our room.

At the moment she has a travel cot in the sitting room... Obviously this won't do when she gets bigger... I'm really not sure what to do tbh, suggestions welcome!

I would get the baby and the dsd to share as the two youngest but not in the smallest room.
I would probably keep baby in with me for a good year anyway. I actually had dsd with me for 2 years.

It would be ridiculous to have a bedroom empty 6 nights a week when there is pressure on bedrooms.

Your SD should go in with either the baby or your DD for the one night a week she stays with you. She needs a proper bed and space to store some of her things though.

Yes was thinking she could stay in babies room for the first 6 months-1 year.... Not sure after that, it's really just nursery sized.

I think it depends on how long new baby will be with you. She could surely go in that room for now and by the time new baby is ready to come out of yours they could share? She'll be older so may find it easier to settle and hopefully baby will be asleep before her and sleep through.

Even if new baby is a boy there's no reason they can't share for a couple of years

I think YABU. I live with DP and my 2 DDs. He has DD and DS from previous relationship. All our kids have their own rooms. If they didn't, My girls would have to share. His kids need a space of their own when they are here so it's their home too. Because baby will need a room, I think is acceptable that your sons share. It doesn't matter whose name is on the deeds, if you are a family then you share everything equally. I understand this might not feel right to you now but I felt the same a few years ago. DP is trying to do right by his DD.

Sorry, cross posted

How would 11 yo feel about sharing 1 night a week after new baby goes into nursery?

Baby in with you when she's staying, sd has baby's room to herself? So basically she and baby share one room but don't sleep in it at the same time. Therefore she has her own room (baby's too) but baby also has own room six nights a week - everyone is then accommodated

I think 11 year old would be OK, but at the moment his DD wakes through the night so I don't think it would be fair until she can sleep through.

I think you need to buy somewhere with either an attic or garage you can develop into a den/sleeping space for the older kids.

That's a really good idea
fantasticbuttocks

I had the same issue and put my foot down.

We had DSD the equivalent of 1 night a week. Had two bedrooms with my dd's living with us. Mine were 6 and 13. Dsd was 8. Dp and I were sleeping downstairs, teen had her own room and dd2 had the slightly larger room with bunk beds so dsd could share with her. Dsd and her mum said this was unfair. Dp was wavering but I couldn't justify a room sitting empty most of the time when we were sleeping in the bloody living room!

In the end it was kept as I'd suggested.

I'd suggest you put your youngest ds in the smallest room, but put his wardrobe and toys etc in his brothers bigger room. The oldest girl gets a room of her own and then 3 year old and baby can share. It may mean that the 3 year old and baby have a slightly bigger room than the other kids but this will be the room with the most toys lying about and won't be able to put bunks in either.

Get your DSD a lovely junior bed with bedding she will love. Get a nightlight and make her side of the room cosy and put her toys and bears there for her. Your dp may think she can't sleep with someone else in the room but tough, she's going to have to.

He is being unreasonable. His DD would make the least use of it, therefore it wouldn't be fair if she had a whole room to herself.
Thinking of it sitting empty while your boys are squashed in together is
Your DP has a responsibility to engage with the idea that having separate rooms could promote more harmony between your boys.
He should want to encourage that, not least because their bickering must get wearing for the whole family, and you just won't need it once the baby's born.

Maybe the boys could share one night a week when his DD comes to stay (not ideal I know) if she can't sleep in a room with others in it.

Re baby and DD sharing - that makes sense age and size-wise, but I'm not sure it's mega practical to have a non-room-sharing DD and a little baby in together as they might wake each other up.

Could the boys have their own rooms but share one night a week so DD can stay in the other room by herself? (maybe the younger boys room) with her own pop up bed and nice bedding etc, and maybe keep a toy box of her toys in there? Then she could sleep on her own? I know it would be nice for all of them to have their own bedroom but I don't think having the boys to share permanently with a bedroom going spare 6 nights out of 7 makes sense.

Good, glad you think so OP - then everyone's a winner and no one's being unreasonable!

It's time she learnt to settle with others around. She'll cope.

Ridiculous to expect two children to share permanently so a child coming one night a week can have her own room. She has her own room at her main dwelling, why should the boys have to share so she can have two rooms to herself. Madness.

Second bed in whichever bedroom it best fits, then put DD in there, as the eldest I'd choose her as she can stay up until DSD is asleep.