Aibu or is DP re step daughter having her own room?

[Kukoo]

I have 3 DC (2 DS 5 & 8, DD 11) who live with us 5 nights of the week.

DP has 1 DD (3) who stays with us 1 night a week.

We have a baby on the way and are moving to a 5 bedroom house, which I'll be buying, just my name on the mortgage.

At the moment the boys share and if like them to have their own room each. They share a small room at their dad's house and are very much on top of each other, which means they bicker a lot. DD has her own small at our house and has a pop us bed at her dad's.

DP would like his DD to have her own room at the new house and for the boys to continue to share. She has her own room at her mum's house and I only stays with us one night a week.

We are planning to give the baby the smallest room.

Who is BU?

She will only feel that way if encouraged to do so.

It is quite usual for siblings to share a room if needed.

Why is the 3yo more entitled to their own space that everybody else?

Ragwort Why don't you think it's fair to expect children to share bedrooms? And why the sad face? It's not the end of the world.

With the cost of housing these days, most kids I know share bedrooms. Jesus I had to share one with a man for 14 years now that was a sad face 😉

Well, I was one of five kids and in a three bed house had to share with two siblings. No tragedy. It is what it is. There's no point in musing about why someone would bring another child into the family, when they are already on the way.

I agree that for the first year or two the baby can come in with you for one night, after that both dc's should be able to share the small room. Then perhaps she can move if and when your eldest goes to college. If your DP doesn't like that, suggest you both start saving for an extension/conversion. But there's no way I'd make two dc's share a room with a bedroom sitting empty 5 or 6 nights a week.

I would definitely long term create one room that is shared with the 3 year old once a week. On that night one of your children moves out. Tbh as they get bigger she may enjoy sharing - I can't getting my daughter out of her brothers bedroom!!

As long as she has her own bed and her own things I don't see a problem.

Your DP is being unreasonable.

I would say that everybody needs their own room somewhere, as that would make it fair.

I am all for treating them all the same. but if dsd had her own room in two places and ds did not have their room at either place them it would not be fair.

In case you haven't already realised, OP, you only have to admit to being a stepmother on here for some posters to wade in with abuse.

Fwiw my opinion is that having to share a bedroom for one night a week is very much a first world problem.

everybody needs their own room somewhere
this is the way to go with this - though perhaps "needs" is the wrong word as many don't get that ever. In any case no-one in the family should be getting more^ than one room of their own unless there are more than enough rooms for everyone to have a room of their own somewhere.

DSs - have to share a small room in their other home - should have their own rooms with you if possible
DD11 - has a popup bed at her dad's (where? In a study?) - not even a proper bedroom so should have her own bedroom if possible.
Baby DD - her only home is with you - should have her own bedroom if possible.
Your partner's DD has her own room 6 nights a week. I'm all for equality but she doesn't need a whole extra room to herself which goes unused 86% of the time. That's unjustifiable wastefulness in a world where so many children are so much less well off.

DD11 will presumably be off to university in 7 years time. Until your Partner's DD is 10 she will be fine on a camp bed either in your room or downstairs. After that when your eldest DD is away there will be a spare bed.

Italics fail.
everybody needs their own room somewhere
this is the way to go with this - though perhaps "needs" is the wrong word as many don't get that ever. In any case no-one in the family should be getting more^ than one room of their own unless...

But it's not the physicality of children sharing bedrooms. Tbh I think sharing is quite nice when children are young. It's the feeling that is being projected is you are not important enough to have your own space. If all other DC live the majority of their time with OP then extra care should be made to make DSD feel at home. Not a travel cot in the lounge! And again, what if DSD wants 50/50 between parents?

Do DSD get to decide if they get 50/50 then ?
She has a mother in all this remember

And the kid is 3 years old

She has a father too. One that is moving home without any thought as to how he will provide for his daughter.

It's not about sharing, it's about treating children differently. Only the DSD is expected to share or sleep in a babies cot elsewhere in the house like an unwanted guest.

When your DH can afford a 6 bedroomed house- then he can sling his orders about bedrooms around!

Strikes me she's a very wanted guest otherwise they wouldn't be bothering at all would they !
It's only a problem if it's made into one, if it's how it is and how it's always been then I doubt Cinderella syndrome would even occur to the well loved balanced child.

It's not about sharing, it's about treating children differently. Only the DSD is expected to share or sleep in a babies cot elsewhere in the house like an unwanted guest.

Unless I'm missing something here, one of the OP's children will also be sharing when the three year old is at the house... The three year old also has their own room at their other home.

Quite right pissedoff its not like it was AIBU to get a tent and shove my 3yr old step child in it.

This is Mumsnet bingo
Step mother - check
New baby on the way - check
House too small no matter how many bedrooms it has - check

This is Mumsnet bingo
Step mother - check
New baby on the way - check
House too small no matter how many bedrooms it has - check

Maybe the ex wife could just park in the OP's driveway so we could get a full house!!

Sorry, op-just being silly!!

Apple pie anyone ;)

Ultimately it's not about whose children is whose, it's about who would make best use of that room. Someone who lives there 5 nights a week compared with someone who lives there 1 night a week. It's fairly obvious. At the same time you do want to make SDD feel welcome and as though it's her house too, I think the suggestions of her own decorated half of a bedroom is perfectly acceptable for this. Or you could let SDD choose how the room is decorated for her and the baby. The baby isn't going to care either way but it might make SDD feel like it's her room.

Kukoo you will be the only one on the mortgage but will your DP named on the deeds as a part owner of the house?

And he is being UR.

Thanks all, some really good advice here.

We are trying to make this work for everyone and I'm sure it will. To be be fair our problems could be a lot worse than who gets what bedroom, it's just one of those things that need some consideration and compromise.

I agree your boys should have their own rooms, especially if the sharing is causing tension between them now. Could one of the rooms in the new house fit bunk beds and a cot? Or one of those beds that has a pull-out bed underneath? DSD could sleep in the bottom bunk while baby is in with you, then baby moves into that room in a fit, but moves back in with you and DP one night a week. Room gets decorated to DSDs taste, then when baby is older and ready for a bed, DSD moves up to the top bunk as a "big girl" again feeling important, and toddler gets the bottom bunk.

fit? I meant cot, sorry