Aibu or is DP re step daughter having her own room?

[Kukoo]

I have 3 DC (2 DS 5 & 8, DD 11) who live with us 5 nights of the week.

DP has 1 DD (3) who stays with us 1 night a week.

We have a baby on the way and are moving to a 5 bedroom house, which I'll be buying, just my name on the mortgage.

At the moment the boys share and if like them to have their own room each. They share a small room at their dad's house and are very much on top of each other, which means they bicker a lot. DD has her own small at our house and has a pop us bed at her dad's.

DP would like his DD to have her own room at the new house and for the boys to continue to share. She has her own room at her mum's house and I only stays with us one night a week.

We are planning to give the baby the smallest room.

Who is BU?

Can I check? Have you posted before, OP? Sounds familiar to me.

Why are you buying a house? Isn't DP going to contribute? It seems a bit rich for him to be dictating rooms and so on if he doesn't own the house?

I'm just wondering that furiousfate

No I haven't posted about this before. I do think it must be a common problem as I have a friend in RL with the same problem. Her boys do actually share and dsd has her own room.

DP says he'd like his DD to have her own space and it nots fair she has to sleep in the sitting room (at present). He has also said she may come for an extra night a fortnight.

He has contributed a small amount towards the house and will pay his share of mortgage & bills. It worked out I could borrow more as a sold applicant

Ugh spellcheck.

*not fair
*sole applicant

Long term - any chance of a loft conversion? Perhaps DP could fund it as it would be for his DD?

Good idea from fantasticbuttocks - 'own' room used by baby the 6 nights a week she is not around. Wont work forever but cots not too hard to manhandle for a while. Fingers crossed your new baby is okay with the change of rooms.I guess your DP, with his strong views on her own room, has no cash to contribute to a 6 bed house?

Your house, you get to decide.

DSD shares. Nonsense to give her her own room for such a short time.

Are they all in the house when SD stays or are your children with their dad then? Are the bedrooms actually occupied I mean, could you have a sort of bedroom timeshare arrangement?

I would go with Daisy's suggestion that the boys share on the one night she is staying. Get a futon for the boys room for the bed. When dd stays change the bedding to girly stuff.

I'm not sure having the bedding an a 11 year old will work. She'll be a teen soon. Too bigger gap.

I don't think DC need more than one "own" room each. If your DSD has her own room at her mother's house, she can quite reasonably share with her baby half-sister at your house. Your older DCs need their own rooms at your house.

Older DC get their own room. Ridiculous to expect the boys to continue sharing - they'll be teenagers soon and they need their own space. It is not fair to leave a room vacant for 6 nights a week.

What's his reasoning it's ok for your boys to share 24/7 and his DD not sharing for 24 hours?
Just that she struggles to settle? In that case it won't matter where she stays.

Personally id go with everyone having own space. If baby is a girl it makes sense her and DSD will share for the foreseeable. But if it's a boy then it may only work for a few years but then you can revisit the situation.

You can always give the baby and dad a bigger room and use ikea kallax units a s divide down the middle which doubles up as storage. Then eaach has a bed either side of the divide.

Do people really not discuss this sort of thing before they have another child together and before they buy a house? .

Look no. This is bloody ridiculous. It's an absolute no brainer. Of course your boys shouldn't have to share so your sd's room can sit empty the majority of the time.
This is not The Princess and the Pea...this is your actual real day to day lives.
Your dp needs to be realistic.

If you give her the baby's room
Who will she blame when she's booted out of it or has to share it. I think that's setting you up for trouble ahead

It's your house, you should decide, OP, without coercion.

Well he is her partner isn't he ? That kind of attitude leads to relationships breaking down, it's either his home or not and I bet he thinks it is given he's contributing to the mortgage.

He is bu. She doesn't need her own room for one night a week. Simple.

I agree but there's ways of conveying that message without making him feel like a lodger/guest in his own home

It is not his own home, he is a lodger in effect.

Good on your DP for trying to do right by his children just as you are.

If tables were reversed and he was paying the mortgage but refusing to let your children have their own room as it was his house then he would be called controlling. Funny it's never the same the other way round.

Presumably he'll have his daughter more now she's getting older. She doesn't deserve a futon in whoevers room happens to draw the short straw.

Your house your rules.

We have 2 kids and a 4 bedroom house. They share a room for a few reasons, 1 being they are company for each other, 2 sharing a room has made dd2 a better sleeper. It used to be that dd2 would wake up at a pin dropping but now she sleeps through her older sister running around her cot.
His DD might benefit from sharing with another child.

So the your rules apply to all the men who pay the mortgage whilst the woman doesn't work, or is that different ?

Just wondered

I don't know about your house your rules - don't think you can actually conduct a relationship on that basis unless you're a bit of a cunt.
This is simply a case of common bloody sense!