Aibu or is DP re step daughter having her own room?

[Kukoo]

I have 3 DC (2 DS 5 & 8, DD 11) who live with us 5 nights of the week.

DP has 1 DD (3) who stays with us 1 night a week.

We have a baby on the way and are moving to a 5 bedroom house, which I'll be buying, just my name on the mortgage.

At the moment the boys share and if like them to have their own room each. They share a small room at their dad's house and are very much on top of each other, which means they bicker a lot. DD has her own small at our house and has a pop us bed at her dad's.

DP would like his DD to have her own room at the new house and for the boys to continue to share. She has her own room at her mum's house and I only stays with us one night a week.

We are planning to give the baby the smallest room.

Who is BU?

As the DSD is three and the baby has not yet been born you have plenty of time to train the DSD to sleep in a room with somebody else/not wake in the night before the new baby is no longer in with you. Even if you are not able to get DSD into your routines due to her not being with you very much, she will grow older and sleep better naturally one would hope.

I'd suggest:
Your DD definitely needs her own room BUT may be prevailed upon to occasionally have DSD in her room e.g. if baby is sleeping particularly badly for a period of a few weeks/months. Hers is the biggest if she's occasionally going to have to share. If cousins/grandma comes to stay they share with her, or she goes in with one of the DS - she probably gets a double bed for this reason.
Your DS have a (small) room each.
The final room is baby/nursery. Baby is in with you for at least 6 months while DD gets used to people popping in during the night to get bottles/nappies and then if you are desperately struggling to get her to share then baby can keep on sleeping in your room on the nights she's there, or split the time (e.g. baby starts off in your room on those nights and goes in with her when she's gone down properly).

By the way I'm also not convinced that you paying the mortgage only means you are the only one with rights over the house (I'm thinking long term, conflict/wills by the way not immediate room-based decisions). We have a rental property which I have the mortgage on for similar reasons but the rent comes to both of us and pays the mortgage and I'm under no illusions that the property is just mine.

If it is a 5 bed house is there a small downstairs room (snug? Study?) that could be fitted out with a day bed and decorated suitably for when she comes to stay? Failing that, I'm with the buttocks poster who said the baby comes in with you when required.

Bedroom under stairs malarkey as suggested above is a touch Harry Potter for my liking.

DSD having own room places her at higher value than all other DC. Not right. All DC including DSD are equal. I'd go for use baby's room for now. Not setting up problems. As kids grow rooms can be re-visited in an entire family convo led by u and dp after you both have reached agreement on how to steer it.

been thinking about this and an 11yr with a 3yr is ok but in a few years and 14/15yr and 6/7yr, the 14/15 will want some privacy for friends/homework boys 8yr gap is a lot when doesnt have to share

def makes more sense for dsd to share with baby, so once you move put cot and single bed in one room that they fit so that its clear from day one that once baby is 6mth they will be going in their own/shared room

the baby isnt going to care either way if they share a room and its only for 1 night a week

DSD having own room places her at higher value than all other DC. Not right.

I agree. Dsd shouldn't have her own room because she has her own room where she is a resident child. NR children can't always have the luxury of their own room in their other home.
The other 3 children in the OP's household (two boys and 11 year old girl) are resident children in her household, so should have their own room too. The baby will also have her own room eventually too and then the Dsd will stay in that room on that 1 night a week she stays.

It's one night. She does not need a whole bedroom keeping just for her 6 nights a week. What a waste of valuable space that would be.

Daisy exactly what I was going to say. It's like one of those riddles, how do you get the chicken, grain and fox across the river without either being eaten. Not rocket science that the boys share one night a week 😂

The post I read written by Daisy has disappeared. It was quite long and had the same idea as mine, but has now vanished

It is there on the first page.

The idea of kicking one of the boys out one night a week to share might be practical, but is just storing up problems later on, dsd takes their room, she doesn't have space herself in the house, rather than having joint " ownership" of a room with the baby.

There's a big chance of resentments and children feeling like guests in the other home when families are blended, sleeping in ds's bed and borrowing his room every week isn't going to make her feel like it's her home too, making him move out every week so she can sleep in his bed could course resentments ("why can't she be the one to share?").

Sharing a room with the baby ( having a room with space for 2 beds even if to start with its a bed and cot or the cot in the ops room) means the dsd does have a room that is her space - she can store her stuff, have her own duvet cover etc

Since when did children all have to have their own room? I don't get it at all. I shared a room starting at 15 for several years with my sister aged between 3 and 7!
The age of entitlement 😗