Aibu or is DP re step daughter having her own room?

[Kukoo]

I have 3 DC (2 DS 5 & 8, DD 11) who live with us 5 nights of the week.

DP has 1 DD (3) who stays with us 1 night a week.

We have a baby on the way and are moving to a 5 bedroom house, which I'll be buying, just my name on the mortgage.

At the moment the boys share and if like them to have their own room each. They share a small room at their dad's house and are very much on top of each other, which means they bicker a lot. DD has her own small at our house and has a pop us bed at her dad's.

DP would like his DD to have her own room at the new house and for the boys to continue to share. She has her own room at her mum's house and I only stays with us one night a week.

We are planning to give the baby the smallest room.

Who is BU?

I don't visit MN much but when I do often come upon a recurring theme:

• Mum with three or more kids, OH with one, and they have one on the way between them; seem not to have known each other very long

• Mum is the wealthier; OH is a bit of a shadow - we never really get to know what he's like, except that he's a bit demanding and there is always an issue with room allocation

• Always on the lookout for a 5 bedroom house; that's a rarity in real life

I know there are many step/blended families but I just don't get it.

Do you think the male is cocklodging then ?

Stories like these scares me from ever contemplating step parenting.

Westface - I hear you - I've dated a few that had that up their sleeves. Men simply seem incapable of looking after themselves and a woman who's done alright out of her divorce is a nice soliton to their what to do with their own kid problem after the first wife leaves/ends it

And hypocritical as it is of me given how many bloody kids I have - I don't date men with children.

I have no idea if any male is lodging his cock in these stories which appear here but I'm more intrigued as to why a woman with 3 or more kids ends up financing a 5-bedroom house, and the guy is always somehow on the periphery!

If you've got three or more kids, you're a pretty family orientated kind of person and I don't think it can be under estimated how much not being a "family" knocks the wind out of you and how much you want to replicate that ASAP.

Not saying that's what the OP has done for a moment, but 2nd marriages do have a shit success rate because they are usually quite rushed

I definitely think DSD and baby should share. Set it up that way from the start. Get those little bunk beds from ikea. Tell DSD she is to sleep in the bottom one until she's bigger then when baby is old enough for bottom bunk, DSD can be such a big girl that she is allowed in the top

Younger sibs always share- I'm in an area with lots of big rural families and it's not even something to comment on really. DSD has a nice big room the rest of the week.

You'll find once they are all a good bit older that they'll probably just sort it out amongst themselves too- my friend's teen DD has five siblings and absolutely loves her 10 year old sister and asked could she be moved in with her, cue reshuffle. That sort of thing

OP....out of curiosity - for how long was living on his own and providing for his dd after he broke up with his ex? Just that it sounds like he went straight from living with one woman to another without bothering to fully digest HIS responsibilities towards his dd or to take any proactive steps....and he doesn't have to stress or strain about providing for his dd at whichever house she's in - because the women do it for him.

If he is that bothered about his dd having a room of her own - what has he done about taking responsibility for his growing family? After all, he's soon going to be a dad of 2.....but i suppose the longterm planning and thinking is down to the women he shacks up with.

i would suggest legally safeguarding/ringfencing the house and making a living will....if he's living with you and making financial contributions then you don't want to risk him gaining an 'interest' in your property. Also, what provisions are in place for your dc should anything happen to you? whether you believe he's genuine or not i, personally, would NEVER risk the roof above my kids head in your situation.

I would say for one night it's unreasonable for the boys to share. But maybe the baby room could be her room for the 1 night she's there and you have the baby in your room for that night

Maybe this should of been discussed before you decided to have another child....yr dh is being totally rediculous ..utterly totally rediculous...does he usually try to call the shots ....

100% agree with what dontmindme1 said

Sorry he is.

Dsd and new baby should share but in one of the bigger rooms. Get dsd a pretty day bed - it can be used as a sofa in the day for relaxing with the baby or for sleeping in on nights when the baby doesn't settle and Dsd isn't there. If you get one with underbed storage drawers then it could also be used for dsd to store some of her stuff.

Why don't you give you 11 year old daughter a choice, she's old enough to think about this and decide which she would prefer, and making her part of the process should show her respect and get her on side with whatever she chooses..

1. she has the smallest room with a raised bed with desk/sofa under it etc, but never has to share Or
2. she gets a larger room 5/6 nights a week but has to share with your dp's daughter whenever she comes to stop?

Meant to say..
Then if she chooses to not share, your new baby gets a larger room and shares with dp's daughter as required. That would work for a good few years.

Why does your SD only get to spend one night a week with her father?

My ex only has our kids once a fortnight for one night, it's not unusual Cabrinha

No it's not unusual at all. Especially when one parent has moved some distance. And for some children who hate swapping homes, or where one parent has difficult shifts it might be the best thing for everyone.
But I'm always curious as to why.
Too many fathers just don't bother, and I'd want to know why my boyfriend didn't see his child more if I met a one night a week father. (or once a fortnight like yours)

She's only three years old, perhaps the time with her father will increase when she gets older. For such a young child one night a week seems fine to me.

Some mothers don't allow it, that could be the reason. Mine were older and I still wasn't entirely ok with it but there's quite a back story in my case. I try to keep an open mind, the guy I'm seeing - again his kids are older - just come and go as the please - it's harder to navigate with a three year old I would imagine

I assumed it was because of her age that is why she is there one night a week.

Fantastic, yours is the best solution.

It would be ridiculous for her to have her own room for only one night per week.

My situation is different, but have the not enough bedrooms situation and this is what we do; we have three bedrooms and two ds, age 3 and 7. Until recently they shared and the 3rd bedroom was sitting empty as a visitor bedroom (we live abroad and have visitors for 1 weekend / week per month on average. A few months ago realised they kids were just winding each other up at bedtime so moved them into separate bedrooms but when visitors come we move ds (7) back into the shared bedroom. They love being back together but like I say it affects the sleep so if we feel they need to go to sleep earlier whilst we have visitors ds (7) goes to sleep in our bed and we move him to the shared bedroom when we go to bed. In your situation it would seem ideal for each child to have a bedroom each but that is not practical and maths says that step-d doesn't get a room as she is there least, however if she sleeps best on her own it would be good to try and find a space for her to do that.