Aibu or is DP re step daughter having her own room?

[Kukoo]

I have 3 DC (2 DS 5 & 8, DD 11) who live with us 5 nights of the week.

DP has 1 DD (3) who stays with us 1 night a week.

We have a baby on the way and are moving to a 5 bedroom house, which I'll be buying, just my name on the mortgage.

At the moment the boys share and if like them to have their own room each. They share a small room at their dad's house and are very much on top of each other, which means they bicker a lot. DD has her own small at our house and has a pop us bed at her dad's.

DP would like his DD to have her own room at the new house and for the boys to continue to share. She has her own room at her mum's house and I only stays with us one night a week.

We are planning to give the baby the smallest room.

Who is BU?

So many children living in this instability

A pending house move and a blended family is hardly worrying instability, it's quite usual these days

What on earth attracts a woman to a father who only sees his child once or twice a week .............. and why would you choose to have another child with such a man? No doubt I will get slated for this comment but you see these situations so frequently on Mumsnet ............. what is so special about these men? Why do women appear so desperate to shack up with a man who appears to be abdicating his responsibility towards his existing children? (And yes, I know it works both ways as well).

ZylaB has the best idea, I know my eldest dd would rather have a smaller room 100% of the time than have to share for even 1 night, your dd may think the extra space of a bigger room is worth sharing once a week.

Also surely if dsd did share with your dd, won't that room sometimes be empty because of your dc visiting with there dad or does it never work out that way.

Which ever way you work it, dsd will need to share a room, it doesn't make her any less part of yours and your partners blended family.

All this your house ,your rules is bullshit. I read it as the only reason your dp wont be named on the mortgage is because you could borrow more as a sole applicant than as joint applicants, you said he will be contributing to the mortgage and bills so I don't understand why people are referring to it as your house

Ragwort, I think many reasons. For some lack of contact suits them as no pesky step children in the way. For others they can't seem to live without a man so take the first one that comes along. Some just have poor taste and believe all the excuses as to why there is no or little contact.

One night a week could be from breakfast Sat to tea time Sun so all weekend. Mom could jave chosen to move away from the area where Dad owned a house and had a job meaning seeing in the week isn't viable. Dad could work long shifts all week meaning daughter would need to be kept up late just to see him. Mom xould be a total cow and not allow more access. Rbey may face time and speak every night.

Yes he xould be a crap Dad who picks her up at tea time and drops her back at breakfast cos he hates kids and wants to spend all his time getting high but we don't know do we so why does everyone always assume the worse??

A child doesn't need their own room in a house where they stay once a week

The step daughter has her own room at her house

She will have to share at you're just like your boys share when see their dad

I see 2 options

Dsd and new baby share a room. Bunk bed with cot underneath or your baby stays in your room the night dsd is here

Ask eldest dd if she would like to share a room once a week and have bigger room so can have twin bed /bunks - or have the smaller room but never have to share

I think your dp needs to sort his child out. No way should a 3yr be in a travel Cot. She will sleep better in a bed and will have to learn to share with a baby as and even if that's what you decide to do

No way should your sons share as this is their home where they spend 99% of their time

I can see your point but I'm gonna give it from another perspective I was the daughter that only stayed 1 night a week I was put wherever I fitted for that one night and never felt 'at home' because of that. Whatever you decide make sure she has her own space and she doesn't just feel fitted in. Don't be hard on your other half he's trying to do the best for his daughter and make her feel like it's her home too. As for the whole it's your name on the mortgage, as soon as you start throwing that around your opening up a can of worms.

Please don't put a three year old in a bunk bed. They are for ages 6+.

Apple - i slept in a bunk bed from a young age.
By the time OP youngest child ready for a bed - DSD will be more than old enough.

Meant on top. Not underneath. Something like this could work. Top cot is for around 15mths - by which time 3yr will be 5yrs

Or put baby and dsd in the largest room of the 4 remaining bedrooms and your 3 then can all have a room each. I grew up in a 6ft box room. Just room for bed one side and drawers /bookcase the other

Spaces like that is when cabin beds are handy and can use the space underneath

Not read all the posts but what about each of the boys rooms having bunk beds or those single beds where the second bed slides out from the bottom & when your DSD stays for that one night your boys could share & she could go into a travel cot in the other boys room? This could just be temporary until she is sleeping through and then could share with the 11year old?

How about the boys have their own rooms but one of those rooms has bunk beds. When his dd is there one night a week the boys share for that one night and she gets to sleep in a room on her own.

X post!

Ds's get a room each, youngest getting the smallest room with wardrobe in older ds's room. Dsd and new baby share a larger room, dd gets a room to herself.

Dsd has never had to share a room so will have to learn. Particularly if you have the baby in with you to start with (but set up the room with baby stuff and a cot so she knows it's to be shared and it doesn't become a change). By the time baby is sleeping in the room, dsd will be 4 going on 5, a child that can't sleep with others in the room at 3 in a travel cot will be very different to a 5 year old in a proper bed.

If the boys can learn to share a room, your dsd can learn to share a room. If she doesn't sleep well, for 1 night a week it doesn't really matter if she's getting a good nights sleep the other 6 nights.

Put her in babies nursery for the first 6 months and have baby in you roome. Cross the bridge when you come to it. All else fails she will have to learn to settle with other dc in the room

Yummymummy - the problem then is someone is "losing" their room if there's not enough space for dsd and the baby to share the smallest room, I'd put dsd and the baby officially sharing one of the bigger rooms with one of the boys getting their own room being in the box room. Even if in reality the baby sleeps in the ops room and the dad's room is only used to store the baby's stuff until baby is older, it will be far easier to move round the dcs later if no one has their big room taken away to make space for dsd/the baby to share, nor dsd has got used to having her own room then had to start sharing.

Officially sharing from the start, eventually dsd will have to share a room unless the op can afford to move again or until the oldest dd leaves home, best to start with that, even if in reality the baby isn't sleeping in the same room for the first year (and at 4 she might fine sleeping in a room with someone else much easier), much better than "taking away" a room later.

It's rubbish she can't sleep with others in the room, I bet she falls asleep in the car seat on the way home from fun days out like every other kid. Most three year old could sleep on a clothes line

Just think as the two boys share a room now, it would be easy to sell it as amazing they get a room each! And one gets a cool cabin bed! (The one in the box room) but the deal is the one in the smaller room can store their clothes/toys in the bigger room. As they are currently sharing, this is an improvement, rather than giving them a big room each, not having to share storage and play space, then in a years time make one go in the box to make space for dsd and the baby to share a room, suddenly having to make space for the other ones stuff etc.

Much easier to set the house up the way it's going to be for the next 10 years now rather than getting it all set up and then having a room reshuffle in less than a year.

There's been better suggestions Roar.

Can you partition one of the larger rooms effectively creating 2 smaller rooms? If partition is moveable so it can be taken down, or sliding then 6 days a week the child who is in the other side of partition gets larger space. You could buy Dsd a good quality sofa bed which would have dual purpose. Make sure she has her own storage space for clothes/toys etc. Alternatively do you have space for extra bedroom downstairs? I have previously converted dining room into extra bedroom (which I slept in so all children upstairs) and made living room into combined living/diner. I still wouldn't like idea of a room not utilised 6 days a week, so could you make use of Dsd room as playroom/library/gym etc. on days not used? Also, is the day she stays one of the 2 days your other children are with dad? That would make room sharing easier. Other options to explore if rooms shared are curtain dividers, tent/den structures for creation of private space. I know someone who converted space under the stairs into 'bedroom' just enough space for bed with storage under and shelves/wall cupboards for storage. I have converted garage to multi use office/gym space which is also used for storage and extra sleeping space when we have guests. Without knowing layout and options available it is difficult to say what may work best. I do agree that having own space is important (that doesn't necessarily mean own room).

I don't like the "your house, you decide" bollocks.

There would be uproar if you were a man who wasn't putting his female partner on the deeds of a house they are both contributing to, ESPECIALLY if she were pregnant!! And rightly so, imo.

It is not his own home, he is a lodger in effect. Except he clearly isn't. He has contributed, albeit less then op. He will pay towards the mortgage & bills. He is the partner of the "owner" and the father of her baby. That doesn't describe a lodger.

*than

Just seen a video on my newsfeed of the aftermath of small children being bound and executed in Syria. Next person that feels sorry for this little girl because she has to share a bedroom one night a week needs to seriously get a grip. This little girl is lucky she has someone in her life who is trying her best to make her situation better.