Aibu or is DP re step daughter having her own room?

[Kukoo]

I have 3 DC (2 DS 5 & 8, DD 11) who live with us 5 nights of the week.

DP has 1 DD (3) who stays with us 1 night a week.

We have a baby on the way and are moving to a 5 bedroom house, which I'll be buying, just my name on the mortgage.

At the moment the boys share and if like them to have their own room each. They share a small room at their dad's house and are very much on top of each other, which means they bicker a lot. DD has her own small at our house and has a pop us bed at her dad's.

DP would like his DD to have her own room at the new house and for the boys to continue to share. She has her own room at her mum's house and I only stays with us one night a week.

We are planning to give the baby the smallest room.

Who is BU?

I agree ragworth it's a shame people don't factor the step children when they extend their family further. What if access is increased? Holiday access? I find it an off set up your having a baby but your solely on the house so what happens if you split up? The 3 year old shouldn't be in a proper bed to be honest.

Boys and 11 year old get the three smallest bedrooms.

Baby and SD share a bigger room, possibly with some sort of room divider down the middle to zone the space a bit.

Until both are sleeping through, you may want to bring travel cot into your room for baby that one night a week but set it up from the start as if it will be a shared room. Something like these photos?

No wonder she doesn't sleep if she's in a travel cot. Wouldn't be doing her back any good

I don't think either of you are being U, really. I think your SD does need her own space of some sort - her sleeping in the sitting room just isn't a long-term solution and it won't be long before she starts to feel unwelcome because of it. But I also don't think it's reasonable for two boys to share when there's an empty room 6 nights a week.

Pulling rank (as some posters have suggested) and saying "it's my house so my rules" is not a recipe for a happy relationship and I think everyone here would be on your side if your male DP were doing it to you.

I think you need to find a way to create a space for her and her things without giving her a whole room to herself, which doesn't sound like a good use of space. Unless you can do something like a loft conversion, I think the obvious solution is that she and the baby share a room but that it's a proper shared room from the start with clear space decorated and stuff for each of them. Even if the baby doesn't sleep in there for a while, you should make sure that your SD doesn't feel pushed out when he/she doesn't move in there and that it's always clear that it's a shared room.

I'm not as bothered as some are about children of opposite genders sharing so, even if the new baby is a boy, I think that could work for the next few years.

Of course it would be ridiculous to have a bedroom sitting empty 6 days a week while other children share- it's not really about whose name is on the mortgage,more about the sheer waste of space.

I would go with Trapdoor's suggestion above - give the three older children the three smaller bedrooms. Have the baby and 3yo sharing a bigger room, with the baby coming into your room in the travel cot one night a week if necessary. If you can create separate areas as suggested, then the 3 yo will understand from the outset that it's a shared room.

Poor child, a travel cot at 3 is very wrong and sends a clear message that she's considered second rate.

If you can't take on a step child and do it properly, then don't have a relation with a partner who already has children.

Her dad needs to grow a pair too, who lets their own child sleep in a baby's cot in the lounge whilst his step children have the luxury of proper beds in their own rooms.

I like the idea of a high sleeper in the baby's room. Gives her her own space and whilst the baby is small they can be taken into your room when she stays. Means she has her own space and could have a little drawing desk under the high sleeper perhaps?

Did y'all not read the travel cot is temporary while in current house which is presumably smaller than the 5 bed they are moving to?

Solutions from PP about sharing with baby are good ones. I really like that room idea posted with the curtain separaters and different coloured linens. Looks really god and doesn't take up As much room as a kallax as a divider for eg

Dragons it clearly says in op that at the moment the op's two ds share a room while the 11 yo dd has her own room and the dsd sleeps in a travel cot in lounge.

They are moving to a larger 5 bed house and op thinks ds's and dd should have own rooms (3 rooms) and her and her dp have a room (with baby at first) which leaves one room.

Most people are saying this last room should be a shared room for dsd and baby, which is also what l would suggest.

I agree it's ridiculous for a room to be empty 5/6 nights a week, and think this would be the fairest way to allocate rooms.

If you're planning on keeping her just bunked up in the living room long term while your kids are too important to share just for one night then that is horrible and Cinderella's stepmotherish.

It sends a message that she is not really welcome, not as important as her step siblings and not properly part of the family or household. Minimum she needs to share with the baby or DD.

If it's a 5 bed house what is going on other the receptions? Is there a study or playroom that could be converted?

Because baby will need a room.

Why? Both our babies spent their first two years in our bedroom. First six months in a snuggle-bed with us, then 18 months in a cot.

Yes, moving to a bigger house as current one too small and clearly a travel cot isn't ideal or permanent.

There is literally no other space in our current house and as DP insists she can't sleep with anyone in the room this is how it has had to be.

I simply cannot afford a 6 bed house, especially for the sake of the 6th bedroom getting used for one night a week.

I think the idea that DP's DD has babies room for the first year or so, then baby comes in with us on the night she stays. Past that I guess we'll have to have a re-jigg.

I co-slept with both DS's for the first two years, never again, I didn't sleep properly the whole time, really don't want to do it again.

She will not give that room up for the baby when the time comes without blaming the baby. Do you know what sex the new baby is ? You need to make it clear dsd and the baby are sharing from day one

I haven't RTFT but I posted about this issue - with slightly different details - under a different user name and I was ripped apart for being an uncaring stepparent!

DH insisted his DD had her own room - the largest - which meant we had two DC in our room and the boxroom. It was ridiculous. In his defence she had had the largest room before we had DC but our circumstances changed. Our DC now have their own rooms and his DD shares with our DD when she comes, it isn't ideal but it is the best solution for our family. Good luck! It is such a thorny topic.

She has her own large room in her primary residence, my DS's share small rooms both here and at their dad's.

It is not my decision that she sleeps in a travel cot for the night she stays here, it is her father's.

I'm not going to end the relationship with her father simply because neither of us can afford for her to have her own bedroom for 1 night a week.

But she does need to be in a bedroom. Not bunked up in a reception room. As others have said, she can have the babies room one night a week for a few years while the baby bunks with you. After that she will be old enough to settle sharing so can go in with DD if necessary.

Yes, that is what I said

So its ok for your litter to have rooms of their own but she has to sleep in a travel cot. That;s just repulsive.

but nowhere near as repulsive as referring to children as a litter.

Reported.

I have a three year old , I know for a fact she wouldn't be happy sleeping in a travel cot, they aren't designed for children that big. Poor thing must be uncomfortable, she would of been better on the sette or in your bed the one night she stays. Regardless if it's temporary you chosen to have another child whilst your already tight for room in your current housing, yes your moving but you have the same issues. If I was this girls mother I would stop over night contact as her bass need of a bed has not been provided for. You should always factor in step children especially as access might increase. Imagine being that age and going to bed and all the rest of the family get to sleep in their own rooms in a comfortable bed.

I don't think she should have her own room for one night a week or even 2. She has her own room in her primary residence.

My situation is not dissimilar.
My partner and I have 2 children together, one boy one girl. My partner also has a son from a previous relationship. Currently we have a 4 bed so all the children have their own rooms but next year we will downsize in respect of bedrooms to allow us to move to a better area so my stepson will share with my son for the nights he is here.