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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strangers commenting

196 replies

GertrudeMoo · 22/07/2016 00:05

So, dd has gorgeous big eyes. Does that give everyone the right to say "Wow, what big eyes!" to her? I mean utter strangers, everywhere, in shops, on the bus....every single day, without fail, someone will say she has got big/huge/massive eyes! I wouldn't mind if they added beautiful or lovely...but no...
I find it quite rude.
Today she compared herself to a big-eyed frog! She's not even two years old! She might be a toddler but she has feelings and understands nearly everything she hears.
I understand that people mean well, but if it was any other body part would it be ok to comment? Wow, what a big nose! Wow, what huge teeth you have!
I also find it annoying when (random) people act really shocked when they hear her speak. She may be small but she's a human, and humans speak. She's not a talking dog! There's no need to make her feel like a freak because she has big eyes and can talk.

AIBU?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 22/07/2016 00:07

Yes.

Do you also get irrationally annoyed when supermarket cashiers dare to say anything to you, other than "That'll be £26.50 please"?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 22/07/2016 00:09

Real over-reaction OP.

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 22/07/2016 00:11

People like to comment on babies and toddlers IME
I think you are over reacting as you'll get a lot more of this.

Original poster
GertrudeMoo · 22/07/2016 00:12

No, I have no problem with anything cashiers say to me. I'm just a bit sad that my little girl thinks she looks like a frog.

OP posts:
ChaosTrulyReigns · 22/07/2016 00:12

Do you think they all might just be walking around reading Little Red Riding Hood aloud?

FeedMyFaceWithJaffaCakes · 22/07/2016 00:14

I have really big brown eyes too my mum used to call me her little possum and people comment on my eyes even now, I'm not greatly offended.

Wheredidthesummergo · 22/07/2016 00:16

The reason no one with manners would say "what a big nose!" is that large noses are viewed negatively. Large eyes are viewed as a positive.
When someone says it, could you jump in with "yes they are gorgeous aren't they" - which might jog the commentator into saying something you find more positive.

Alisvolatpropiis · 22/07/2016 00:16

Yes, yabu.

Big eyes are desirable in a way a big nose is not, so your comparison doesn't wash really.

Original poster
GertrudeMoo · 22/07/2016 00:16

My older daughter said her classmates were teasing her today about her sister's "fat eyes".

OP posts:
Original poster
GertrudeMoo · 22/07/2016 00:17

Wheredidthesummergo, I do. Always.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 22/07/2016 00:17

And with regards to comparing herself to a big-eyed frog, that's just a simple observation. Many story books for example have lovely, cute big-eyed frogs in them.

Nothing wrong with that at all, unless your negativity is rubbing off on her?

It's quite possible that it is, since your complaint is not actually that people are commenting on the size of her eyes, but that they're not adding the words 'beautiful' or 'lovely' to their comments.

Imo one of the best things we can do for our kids, is to teach them not to take themselves too seriously.

It's much easier and much more pleasant to get through life without feeling permanently offended/slighted at such run-of-the-mill comments.

Onesieisthequeensselfie · 22/07/2016 00:18

How can eyes be fat? Confused

Original poster
GertrudeMoo · 22/07/2016 00:20

No idea, but that's what she says they said.

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 22/07/2016 00:20

Think Worra has nailed it.

Original poster
GertrudeMoo · 22/07/2016 00:21

Ha, WorraLiberty, you're funny.

OP posts:
UmbongoUnchained · 22/07/2016 00:23

My brother calls my daughter Orville because of her giant green eyes Grin

Yabu and you know it.

Ifonlylovewouldsavetheday · 22/07/2016 00:23

It sounds like you are leaving some details out, as most people would find the description of having big eyes towards a 2year old as complimentary.
If someone said the same to either of my little ones I would follow it up with comments from me along the lines of, yes you really do have amazingly big gorgeous (insert colour/s) eyes!!!!
Please don't condone your child saying frog eyes and blame others, teach her that her eyes are beautiful xxx

GiddyOnZackHunt · 22/07/2016 00:23

How peculiar. DS has huge, gorgeous eyes that attract comment from strangers. My response is a big smile and "Yes he does and he knows how to use them!" Whereupon DS flashes a grin and bats his eyelashes.
Nobody has ever compared him to a frog.
Has she got protruding eyes? In which case has her thyroid function been checked?

Original poster
GertrudeMoo · 22/07/2016 00:26

My "complaint" is that my daughter just hears "big", "huge", "massive" in relation to her eyes. She doesn't know it's a compliment. I'm just suggesting that words like lovely or beautiful would turn those words into compliments that she would understand.

OP posts:
ayeokthen · 22/07/2016 00:26

Our youngest has huge blue eyes with thick black eyelashes and literally gets comments at least 10 times a day from people. It doesn't bother me or him. He does have big eyes, and they're really noticeable because both me and DP and other DC have dark brown eyes, so when we're all together it's really noticeable as his eyes are really pale blue (like his granny). Your Dd probably doesn't see a negative in saying she has eyes like a frog, it's just probably the biggest eyes she can think of.

SpaceUnicorn · 22/07/2016 00:27

Oh, OP, as your daughter progresses through life there will be so so many occassions on which people say things that could be twisted to be 'rude' if you really really tried hard enough.

Keep your powder dry Wink

GiddyOnZackHunt · 22/07/2016 00:28

Well, tell her it's a nice thing then. Confused She'll take her cue from you. If you treat it as a big compliment then it becomes positive!

WorraLiberty · 22/07/2016 00:29

I am funny at times.

In fact you should catch my show one night at the end of the pier...

However, I'm having a night off and being deadly serious Wink

We all know children, adults and teenagers who are hard work at times because they take every comment to heart/take them literally, which causes people to feel uncomfortable around them.

Learn to chill and your kids will learn this too.

There are far more things to worry about than some comments about the size of your kids eyes, that are not prefixed with the words 'beautiful' or 'lovely'.

Not using those words does not equal criticism.

Ifonlylovewouldsavetheday · 22/07/2016 00:29

Big huge and massive shouldn't lead to negative thoughts. They are good.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 22/07/2016 00:31

ifonly apart from when used about my arse Sad Accurately!