Strangers commenting

[GertrudeMoo]

So, dd has gorgeous big eyes. Does that give everyone the right to say "Wow, what big eyes!" to her? I mean utter strangers, everywhere, in shops, on the bus....every single day, without fail, someone will say she has got big/huge/massive eyes! I wouldn't mind if they added beautiful or lovely...but no...
I find it quite rude.
Today she compared herself to a big-eyed frog! She's not even two years old! She might be a toddler but she has feelings and understands nearly everything she hears.
I understand that people mean well, but if it was any other body part would it be ok to comment? Wow, what a big nose! Wow, what huge teeth you have!
I also find it annoying when (random) people act really shocked when they hear her speak. She may be small but she's a human, and humans speak. She's not a talking dog! There's no need to make her feel like a freak because she has big eyes and can talk.

AIBU?

The most annoying part is that the OP has said that she doesn't doubt that the strangers comments are complimentary. So what is the problem?

When her daughter compared her big eyes to those of a frog, I imagine it was the first animal or whatever that she thought to compare to.
As it happens this evening I said to dc2 'ooh your feet are getting big, we'll have to get you some new shoes' and he delightedly said 'clowns have big feet too!'. Completely innocent and just what he would associate big feet with. I don't think for one moment he thought it a negative comment.

I still think the OP was either hoping we'd plead for a pic of her dd's beautiful eyes or was bored and wanting to do a gentle goad.
But maybe I'm getting a bit cynical in my old age (on mn)

That's snide and a bit nasty, Onesie, however you like to dress it up.

dontpokethebear re "The most annoying part is that the OP has said that she doesn't doubt that the strangers comments are complimentary. So what is the problem?"

Imagine if your name really was dontpokethebear and just about every person you met thought it was a nice name, an unusual name, and said so, every time they met up. They are being complimentary, they really mean it. Do you think you may become just a little bit fed up?

onsie very cynical, why not think the best of people, at least on annoynous forums, what is there to lose?

My dd has huge eyes and as a baby it was very noticeable & never a day went by without comments from strangers. Add to that the cloud of blonde curls & the fact that we live in a city popular with tourists, and you get a baby who has turned up in the holiday snaps of a LOT of Chinese tourists.

I never minded. She made people smile (still does, because she is growing up with a good sense of humour) and that can't be a bad thing.

She also looked remarkably like a frog, especially when she was very small, pre-hair.

OP - people are being nice. Don't read something negative into it. Your daughter will still grow up to have her non-eyeball qualities appreciated.

italian my children all have incredibly annoyingly long, dark eyelashes. It has been commented on more times that I care to remember. Someone even said that they were like a cows. Not once did I ever take exception, or think that the comments were negative.

I guess some of us are delicate little flowers, some are not.

My DS has long eyelashes and when he was a baby several people said to me that he was far too attractive to be a boy. I just laughed it off.

I tell him now that he has large puppy-dog eyes (he does) and he beams at me and flutters his lashes and loves the attention. When others say compliments about his eyes he smiles.

Tell your DD that you love her beautiful eyes and the next time she hears the compliment she'll understand it's a compliment.

My DH, when he met me, told me that I eyes like a PowerPuff Girl. Now I get, 'stop staring, I haven't done anything wrong!!'

I do have a massive nose though to offset the eyes.

Misses point again.

My DH, when he met me, told me that I eyes like a PowerPuff Girl. Now I get, 'stop staring, I haven't done anything wrong!!'

How, cute hehe

DS2 has very blonde hair. When he was a toddler, he had this mass of blonde ringlets which used to get commented on constantly particularly by older women who would swoon over him and pat his head. It could get a bit tedious at times but I never saw it as anything other than a compliment and DS2 is an outrageous flirt and lapped it up.
13 year old DD is very tall with incredibly long legs. She came to a party with me yesterday for a friend of DS2 and every single parent, most of whom haven't seen her for a few years, remarked on her height/legs. She pretends that she gets fed up with it but I know she secretly likes it and takes it in her (very long) stride.
I think the general rule is that commenting on appearance is fine if it's complimentary - 'hasn't she got beautiful long hair' is fine.
'His eyes are a gorgeous colour' is fine.
'Isn't your baby's nose huge?' or 'Your daughter's a bit porky' are not fine.

Yes, MissHoolie, just look at any of the "she called my child bonnie !" threads to see how that goes!
Or, she's a "strapping lass".

Gertrude, hopefully you'll see this constructively - I read an article in yesterday's Times. It was an eye opener.

It talks about how this generation of parents are trying so so hard to protect their DC against every possible challenge and adversity, by the time they become late teenagers they are ill-equipped for the big wide cruel world out there.

It mentions letting DC experience a certain amount of adversity so they know life isn't always perfect, people don't always say lovely things to you, life is full of disappointments and sometime life just isn't fair.

Maybe worth thinking about which things you can enable your DC to experience, without trying to protect them to the extent they won't be able to cope.

None of your posts were bantering in nature, OP. On the contrary they were quite aggressive and unpleasant. People posted their own experiences and offered interpretation of what these vicious strangers might have meant.

I hope you have a happier time at NetMums.

So my comment was a bit unpleasant lying? Yes, perhaps it was. Lost a bit of patience with this annoying thread.
But was yours above any less condescending and snide?

Mine was direct to the OP, Onesie, I thought she was unfair. I really do hope that she finds a forum she likes because she didn't like this one.

I didn't keep posting throughout like you did and calling OP goady. Your last comment was really pointed, that OP wanted people to ask her to post a picture of her daughter's beautiful eyes... you know it was meant to jab at her, when she'd had enough, and anybody else can see that too.

I can't be the only one that wanted a pic can I???

Point taken lying. Yes, you are right. I did lose my patience with the OP's posts and responded a little unkindly. My bad.

As an educator specialised in child early learning I would say that none of my colleagues would ever comment on a child's beautiful anything.
I dont think children need to be told or learn that being beautiful has any value and I rather that someone said to a child they had big eyes than beautiful eyes.

She knows big and small, nothing wrong with that. Long hair short hair, tall short. They are describing words.

Better than pretty or beautiful.

If to compliment a child I go for curious, adventurous, fun, etc.

Onesie, you're gracious.

I can be a bit chippy too and I got exasperated with the OP on this thread myself. She picked up on posts she liked and agreed with and ignored everybody else. Quite rude and as I said - not in any way banter and she was oversensitive in my opinion.

I'm afraid that I'm one of these sad ol' trouts that comment on features of almost every child I meet - eyes ("They're so big!), hair ("red - my favourite"), cheeks ("they're so chubby - you just want to squeeze them") etc. But I do tend to make sure that there's no mistaking that it's a compliment by adding a positive adjective or something.

don't re "I guess some of us are delicate little flowers, some are not." Well, I guess some of us say how we feel (on a forum) and some others seem to take offense at it.

I think this is how mumsnet works sometimes, a kind of herd mentality. Not very appealing. But that's life.

I think the OP has headed off so I will too.