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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strangers commenting

196 replies

GertrudeMoo · 22/07/2016 00:05

So, dd has gorgeous big eyes. Does that give everyone the right to say "Wow, what big eyes!" to her? I mean utter strangers, everywhere, in shops, on the bus....every single day, without fail, someone will say she has got big/huge/massive eyes! I wouldn't mind if they added beautiful or lovely...but no...
I find it quite rude.
Today she compared herself to a big-eyed frog! She's not even two years old! She might be a toddler but she has feelings and understands nearly everything she hears.
I understand that people mean well, but if it was any other body part would it be ok to comment? Wow, what a big nose! Wow, what huge teeth you have!
I also find it annoying when (random) people act really shocked when they hear her speak. She may be small but she's a human, and humans speak. She's not a talking dog! There's no need to make her feel like a freak because she has big eyes and can talk.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
GertrudeMoo · 22/07/2016 00:32

Ifonlylovewouldsavetheday, as I said above, I do, always. I also tell her every day how beautiful she is. I've only come on here and mentioned it because we were out today and at least seven people commented on her eyes. This evening she made the comment about having eyes like a big-eyed frog. Just made me hyper aware of what she takes in.

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WorraLiberty · 22/07/2016 00:34

You need to look at big-eyed-frogs from a 2 year old's perspective then.

Why do you appear to see them as bad or possibly ugly things?

SoleBizzz · 22/07/2016 00:35

O get it. People comment on my height a lot. Usually shirt Women and my what big feet you have and I'm only a size three etc Tedious. Also ruse. I also have big eyes and I have been called frog eyes a few times. That's some of my life experiences. It is unecessary.

coolaschmoola · 22/07/2016 00:35

She doesn't know it's NOT a compliment either, because she's under two. You're projecting. My dd called herself a long yellow banana today. I didn't start freaking out that it was because of people commenting on her impressive height or colouring... Hmm

WorraLiberty · 22/07/2016 00:39

My DS2 looked like a hamster for the first 10 years of his life. I knew it, he knew it and everyone else knew it Grin

He's 17 now and fondly looks at his photos, referring to his 'hamster days'.

ailith · 22/07/2016 00:39

She is too young for angst and faux concern about the implications of such harmless remarks. All young children have big eyes. So what? No one is trying to offend anyone. Jeez

Original poster
GertrudeMoo · 22/07/2016 00:39

Again, Worra, ha. Funny. My littlest kid thinks she looks like a frog. Nothing wrong with that. You are right. Frogs are beautiful.

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ailith · 22/07/2016 00:40
Hmm
Alisvolatpropiis · 22/07/2016 00:42

She isn't even two. This is purely about your insecurities.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/07/2016 00:42

I think you're projecting OP, as Worra said, because there isn't a 'beautiful' or 'lovely' alongside. You see it as negative and if you're not careful, your thoughts will become your daughter's too.

I mean, your daughter is TWO. How the hell does she rationalise the connotations of big anything? Big red fire engine? Big house? Big ice cream? Big eyes? Aren't you a big girl? A girl of sixteen might not like to hear the last one, a girl of two shouldn't see anything negative in it at all.

bumsexatthebingo · 22/07/2016 00:44

People always comment on my kids eyes. They are big and they also have very long, dark eyelashes.
If you're worried that your dd is sensitive about it I would just follow any comments with 'I know - they're beautiful'/'I wish mine were the same'/'she's so lucky' etc.

PortiaCastis · 22/07/2016 00:45

I have enormous eyes. They've been called blue lagoons or dolphins eyes. Hey I'm not bothered, at least I don't need lots of make up to make them stand out.
How can eyes be fat, that's toddlers talk and don't take any notice.

Original poster
GertrudeMoo · 22/07/2016 00:48

How am I projecting? I've not discussed it with her. I've literally just brought it up here to get a few opinions... I guess most people think it's fine. I personally wouldn't comment on anyone else's child (known to me or stranger's) unless it's a positive comment. I didn't really think "huge eyes" was particularly positive when it's clearly being said as though it's unusual. They are unusually big eyes. Doesn't mean people have to comment with a shocked expression....or comment at all.

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Original poster
GertrudeMoo · 22/07/2016 00:50

I don't understand the "fat eyes" comments (said by 7-year-olds)...but told my older daughter to say "Yes, they are beautiful, aren't they!" next time anyone comments.

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TattyCat · 22/07/2016 00:51

This is you projecting. She's 2, so if you can't handle her being negative about something she doesn't actually understand then I despair.

SHE'S 2 !!!! For heaven's sake you should be able to make her feel good about it!

Liz09 · 22/07/2016 00:52

A 2 year old shouldn't associate "big" with anything negative... I would say that she's being affected by your negativity.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 22/07/2016 00:53

Wow what big eyes. I'm getting a total big bad wolf vibe here.Grin.
Big eyes are gorgeous. BTW

softjellyjunglecustard · 22/07/2016 00:55

she sounds absolutely gorgeous xx i really don't think people mean anything by it, but i understand why it might rankle a bit, depending on the way they say it. i personally wouldnt comment on a stranger's baby without making it very clear to be a compliment. you're handling it the best you can though, just keep on being a good mum! Flowers Star

Alisvolatpropiis · 22/07/2016 00:55

People often comment "doesn't she have very blue eyes" about my daughter. No beautiful, no pretty but their tone suggests they're being complimentary. Tone is something adults should be able to pick up on.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 22/07/2016 00:58

Oh Worra. You've got me wanting a ickle bitty baby hamster now. Grin

KittensWithWeapons · 22/07/2016 01:00

Does a two year old even associate 'big' with 'bad'? When I was that age, relatives would say things like 'aren't you a big girl', and that was complimentary. So if your tiny daughter sees big as being negative, perhaps that's down to your hang-ups? Where else would she get the big equals bad notion from?

Original poster
GertrudeMoo · 22/07/2016 01:01

I feel like posting a photo of her eyes..! I should however just learn not to start threads on AIBU. Is everyone a would be psychologist on here?!

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PaulAnkaTheDog · 22/07/2016 01:04

Oh for fucks sake. Worra offered a decent, kind response, yet you're determined to take offence. This threads a losing battle people. The op has already decided she is not being unreasonable.

whatamockerywemake · 22/07/2016 01:04

I'm hyper sensitive to comments about my DD, because she's 14 3/4 and there are suddenly guys out there sharking her, and she's naive and oblivious to it all. This isn't, obviously, your problem.

Your child is a babe, and when I was pregnant I learnt - suddenly - how society deals with pregnant women and babies. When I was pregnant, strangers stroked my stomach. People commented on my baby (usually congratulating me on having a boy, which rankled because she was a girl, but bald and had these very sticking-out ears). This is what's happening with you, and you're worrying about it. Trust me, you've got loads more important things to worry about.
Your child's appearance to others is VERY low on you list for a good 12 years yet!

Original poster
GertrudeMoo · 22/07/2016 01:06

I never said big equals bad. She knows everyone talks about her big eyes but nobody mentions her sister's eyes. Random people come up to her pram and point at her eyes
..and talk to me about her eyes. All. The. Time. She's very aware of it. She gives them hard stares and silent treatment.

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