Strangers commenting

[GertrudeMoo]

So, dd has gorgeous big eyes. Does that give everyone the right to say "Wow, what big eyes!" to her? I mean utter strangers, everywhere, in shops, on the bus....every single day, without fail, someone will say she has got big/huge/massive eyes! I wouldn't mind if they added beautiful or lovely...but no...
I find it quite rude.
Today she compared herself to a big-eyed frog! She's not even two years old! She might be a toddler but she has feelings and understands nearly everything she hears.
I understand that people mean well, but if it was any other body part would it be ok to comment? Wow, what a big nose! Wow, what huge teeth you have!
I also find it annoying when (random) people act really shocked when they hear her speak. She may be small but she's a human, and humans speak. She's not a talking dog! There's no need to make her feel like a freak because she has big eyes and can talk.

AIBU?

[Onesieisthequeensselfie]

It's ok italian OP's already said she's gone to netmums

[Onesieisthequeensselfie]

But you are right. That was a bit mean

[bumsexatthebingo]

Only the op knows how these compliments are being given. Big eyes is not always a compliment. There are beautiful big eyes and then there are bulging frog eyes. Only the op knows if people are going 'Aww hasn't she got lovely big eyes' or 'Jesus Christ look at the size of her eyes!'

[Italiangreyhound]

Indeed bumsex and the OP has said she is not letting her little one know how she feels. Yet people have doubted what she says and questioned her, and been mean, just so bloody mumsnet! And yet other threads can be really great and supportive.

I have a theory early on a decision is made how a thread will go and people kind of pile in.....

[Onesieisthequeensselfie]

No they aren't protruding. They are just big, round, beautiful eyes. I don't think it's meant in any way other than kind and positive

Upthread from OP

HTH

[bumsexatthebingo]

But that's not how the child is taking it. Of course even a young child will pick up on a difference being constantly pointed out. And if they didn't like it you would wish people would stop saying it.

[SloppyDailyMailJournalism]

It's meant positively - as in 'what curly hair'. If she is picking up negativity from it, it is more likely to be from your interpretation of it.

[Italiangreyhound]

Lots of things are meant positively. All the people who ask me when my baby is due mean it positively. It doesn't stop it being really embarrassing for them. One person was so embarrassed she apologized the next time she saw me! Which was, I think, for both of us, quite embarrassing.

I never now comment on anybody and pregnancy unless they tell or they are literally going into labour!

[Onesieisthequeensselfie]

Um, I think there is a world of difference between commenting on whether someone is pregnant and saying a baby has beautiful big eyes...?

[Onesieisthequeensselfie]

Speculating not commenting

[Italiangreyhound]

Onesieisthequeensselfie you are indeed 100% right, world of difference. But my point is that even when people mean something nicely it can still be annoying and/or embarrassing. And I am an adult women big enough (clearly!) to deal with this. But this is a very young child. Children do not like to stand out, generally, they like to fit in.

My friend's kids never spoke English abroad when living there, their mum said they did not want to stand out.

I think that is true for most children but there are always exceptions to any rule.

[Onesieisthequeensselfie]

Sorry italian didn't mean to be rude.
FWIW I have a food baby most of the time too. It's an absolutely bitch to get rid of.

I just think the OP was a bit bored last night and decided to indulge in a gentle goading that's all.
It happens. No harm done. It was fun while it lasted.

[MrsBobDylan]

I have very curly hair. I am not exaggerating when I say it has been pointed out in one way or another almost every day of my life. People are fascinated by it and love to pull the ringlets and comment on how they spring back, ask me if it's natural and usually round off by wondering if I hate it 'because people always seem to hate their curly hair' before adding that they would love to have my hair.

I have also been teased for it and frankly, I couldn't care less. I'm very happy to have hair and that's about the extent of my feelings.

I do have things I worry about in my life, but that's because they are, you know, actually important.

Having big, beautiful eyes that people remark on isn't something to get in a lather over imo.

[Italiangreyhound]

Onesieisthequeensselfie I am not offended, at all. I have a very round tummy, it totally DOES look pregnant!

I think the OP was completely honest and genuinely feels upset by constant comments. In her shoes I would too. But I think she was upset because it was upsetting her child and even her older child was affected.

I just think people are nosy and actually comment much more about girls than boys, and that always makes me uncomfortable.

Just watching Sean Connery watching Catherine Zeta Jones make her way through the red string in 'Entrapment'! I think girls are considered there to be looked at.

I wish people would comment on girl's intelligence etc.

[Applejack29]

esme she's lovely!!

My daughter is 4 and has hair so long she's been able to sit on it for ages, it's thick and wavy and golden blonde tones throughout, she gets comments every day: 'what long hair!' Etc etc she usually replies 'yes I look like rapunzel!' Or 'yes I love it!'

'Long' is a similar descriptive to 'big' it could technically mean positive or negative, it's the way you play it and react to it

[winkywinkola]

Op, to every person who makes a comment about your dd's eyes, just say "Yes, isn't she lucky/lovely/beautiful," etc. A standard response.

Then move on.

[Onesieisthequeensselfie]

Ooooh, your daughters hair sounds gorgeous Apple! You see now, OP, that's a great way to describe/respond to a beautiful feature your child has.

[Applejack29]

Thank you onsie I wish mine looked like hers!

[NatureCreatesFreaks]

Just reply with all the better for seeing you with my dear.

[DailyMailPenisPieces]

Esme your DD is gorgeous

[LauraAshleyDuvetCover]

You could dress her like this for Hallowe'en....

Seriously though, it sounds sweet. Either she'll grow into them and the comments will stop, or she'll gradually realise her eyes are bigger than other people's. If she likes them, great, if not she can use eye makeup to make them look smaller. I would say big eyes is a good thing though and people are commenting positively.

[dontpokethebear]

This thread has annoyed me more than it should.
It's the typical
Op: Aibu?
MN: Yes you are a bit, chill out.
Op: NO I'M NOT!
MN: well you are, but here's some useful advice.
Op: but, but, but. Boast. Justification. Etc
MN:

[Charley50]

I disagree. She wasn't boasting she seems unnerved by the constant reference to her DDs big eyes. I've got big eyes and they are very marmite. Some people like them and some have called them nasty names (when I was a child and teen). I'm quite paranoid about my eyes because of nasty comments.
It probably would have helped if my parents told me they were beautiful, but they didn't. So OP if you're still reading, tell DD her eyes are beautiful.

[Italiangreyhound]

dontpokethebear this thread has also annoyed me a lot, too. A person comes on with a question, and maybe looking for support, some think she doesn't need it, some are down right rude, typical mumsnet AIBU.

Not everyone thinks the OP is being unreasonable, and even if everyone were to say she were, it would not make it so.

But some have shared useful advice and support, and I think that is sometimes what mumsnet is about.

[Shizzlestix]

Totally, pokethebear!!

Manga comics portray sympathetic, heroic characters as having huge eyes. It's considered beautiful and women have surgery in Japan to open up their eyes as the epithantic folds typical of Asia hide the eyes somewhat. This is why we have mascara!

OP, lighten up and stop being so defensive. There's no reason your DD should think she's like a frog unless someone has mentioned this to her directly.