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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strangers commenting

196 replies

GertrudeMoo · 22/07/2016 00:05

So, dd has gorgeous big eyes. Does that give everyone the right to say "Wow, what big eyes!" to her? I mean utter strangers, everywhere, in shops, on the bus....every single day, without fail, someone will say she has got big/huge/massive eyes! I wouldn't mind if they added beautiful or lovely...but no...
I find it quite rude.
Today she compared herself to a big-eyed frog! She's not even two years old! She might be a toddler but she has feelings and understands nearly everything she hears.
I understand that people mean well, but if it was any other body part would it be ok to comment? Wow, what a big nose! Wow, what huge teeth you have!
I also find it annoying when (random) people act really shocked when they hear her speak. She may be small but she's a human, and humans speak. She's not a talking dog! There's no need to make her feel like a freak because she has big eyes and can talk.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Nanunanu · 22/07/2016 08:33

Esme your daughter is gorgeous! And a lovely smile.

I sometimes 'say what a serious face' with a smile to friends and yes strangers babies. And I just mean how some children's expressions go right through you. Look like they are looking past all your defence layers and charm and seeing the tall you. Your daughters eyes have that same piercing quality even through a photo. She looks like she would brook no flim flam from anyone. I wonder if some of the strangers just haven't realised her face is paralysed. If they had they would have picked some other quality to compliment. Arse holes are sadly just arseholes no matter what.

I saw a young lad yesterday aged about 4 with the longest eye lashes. Gorgeous they were. And I said to mum hasn't he got long lashes? Just beautiful.

Yanbu unreasonable op to worry how so much focus on one feature may warp your child's perception of herself.

How certain are you that your older dd's friends have said younger'sister eyes are fat? Could older dd be expressing some jealousy in calling her sister's eyes fat? My cousin got so fed up (at a similar age) of hearing so many compliments about her sister's long flame red hair that she took a pair of scissors to it one night. It can be hard when all you hear ishow beautiful your sibling is.

mum2Bomg · 22/07/2016 08:53

Tell her they're beautiful and show her pictures of Disney princesses - it's a sign of beauty xxx

Esmeismyhero · 22/07/2016 08:59

nanunanu thank you for your lovely words. I never thought of that, you have really made me think some people might be thinking what your thinking.

Flowers
SoftBlocks · 22/07/2016 09:00

I can see what you mean but I don't think it's as negative as people who bellow 'YOUR'RE REALLY SHY AREN'T YOU?' at quiet kids thus criticising them and helping make them even more self-conscious.

itsbetterthanabox · 22/07/2016 09:09

She'll only think having big eyes is a bad thing if you tell her it is, which it isn't and this isn't how people mean it either.
People used to tell me I was tall at that age. I am tall. I didn't assume it was criticism because they didn't also say pretty.
It's more damaging to constantly tell kids they are beautiful. Just don't focus on her looks. Focus on what she can do.
Or teach her to reply to the comments- 'yes all the better for looking at you!'

10storeylovesong · 22/07/2016 09:25

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

ailith · 22/07/2016 09:56

I have merely skimmed most of the responses here but have lingered over the funny ones. And there are many!

For heaven's sake, OP, you are like a dog with a bone. If it's stealth bragging, it's gone awry. Badly. No one really cares. People who comment - OMG - are being nice. You are being ridiculous and very, very annoying.

SillyOldUncleFeedle · 22/07/2016 10:51

Wow Horizon, that certainly put's things into perspective. I think we can all get a bit caught up in our own problems sometimes and being able to compare our situations to those of others can help us get a bit of perspective. I hope your son manages to retain his sight as long as possible. That sounds really tough for you both.

CatThiefKeith · 22/07/2016 11:02

Esme your dd is gorgeous.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 22/07/2016 12:12

Esme, your dd is a little stunner. Absolutely adorable.

BettyDraper1 · 22/07/2016 12:35

Some comments are inherently complimentary. Saying that somebody has 'big eyes' generally only has positive connotations.

It's not comparable to saying 'what a big nose you have!' it really isn't. It's more alligned to saying 'oh, what a tiny waist you have'. You'd be hard pushed to get upset at that wouldn't you?

user1468166567 · 22/07/2016 12:41

I got teased/bullied at school because of my eyes.

I was told that they were;
Too close together
Too big
Fat (how can eyes be fat?!)
I was ugly because of them,.

But when I was out with my Mom cashiers/butchers/shop staff would always comment on how beautiful my eyes were and how big they were.
Now I am older - I know they are my best feature - they are almond/cat like blue and quite wide. In fact my Fiancé said that they are what attracted me to him as well as my huge jugs obvs! & many men have said they are amazing......

Kids are cruel, people get jealous of others features, she sounds adorable your daughter and I bet they are stunning eyes!

Whinyleonard · 22/07/2016 12:47

I was born with bags under my eyes and it just got worse into my childhood. I always looked like shit and adults commented constantly about it asking why my parents didn't make me go to bed earlier etc. Actually it was a pretty horrible abusive time and I was struggling to cope at the best of times. I wish they could have just not commented. These things do cut deep when you are little. I still look like shit now but the great thing about being old is being able to ask people to fuck off

ArmySal · 22/07/2016 12:52

My taller than me 11 year old has ridiculously long legs in relation to her body and was called giraffe by the kids at school, I just told her she would like them when she was older.

I've heard some adults refer to her as 'legs eleven', I just tell her it's a compliment.

Don't make a big thing of it and she won't.

pigsDOfly · 22/07/2016 13:00

The size of the OP's DD's eyes apart, I'm wondering who all these strange people are who look 'shocked' when a toddler speaks.

Unless she's quoting Shakespeare or discussing quantum physics what the hell is there to be shocked about.

So what happens: the toddler speaks great words and the masses that have gathered to hear her wisdom gasp in amazement.

Think the OP is being a tad ridiculous.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/07/2016 13:09

OP... I would suggest that perhaps the best course of action is that you stop interacting with strangers altogether. Give the body language that tells them to keep away and cut them dead if they start talking about your daughter.

Not a pleasant way to live but if the comments of others are making you this miserable then that's the only option. Or stay in. You can't control what other people say, you can control your own response to them though and you can also walk away.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 22/07/2016 13:20

I literally cannot fathom how a two year old had the mental capability to equate 'wow what big eyes' with something negative.

Does she ever comment on your eyes? Your boobs? Your belly? Anything? Because kids do don't they? Mine have said more than once that they love my big squishy belly because it's like a pillow, to them they think it's a compliment!

I also don't know why you think your daughter saying she looks like a frog is causing her angst, this is about you and your perceptions not her. She's probably seen a picture like this one.

Strangers commenting
DerelictMyBalls · 22/07/2016 13:21

Esme, your DD is so cute!

ArmySal · 22/07/2016 13:23

She may be small but she's a human, and humans speak. She's not a talking dog! There's no need to make her feel like a freak because she has big eyes and can talk.

Why don't you tell her to say ''all the better to see you with'' in a sinister voice?

All those shocked at hearing a human speak will have their mind blown.

kali110 · 22/07/2016 13:33

Wow.
No idea why you're determined to take offence at worras posts, she speaks the most sense Confused
How dare strangers comment on your child.
They're not being mean. Big eyes are considered beautiful.
People are right, If she's thinking it's a bad thing she's getting it from you and your negativity.

fatshitcrazy · 22/07/2016 14:35

My friends little boy has the most gorgeous big brown eyes with long dark lashes, everyone has always commented on them, she gets told regularly he has massive chocolate button eyes and her best comment so far was "hes got eyes like a jersey cow" she just laughed and agreed as he does. They were all meant as compliments, he wasnt being told he looked like a cow but jersey cows have massive big brown eyes as does he. People use their own frame of references for things, doesnt mean they're being offensive, think you need to stop trying to find the offense in these comments.

1pink4blue · 22/07/2016 14:50

when my ds was about 9 months old he had piercing blue eyes and regularly got comments about them.
I was on a bus one day and as an old lady was getting off she turned to me and said his eyes were scary I didn't know what to say.
he is 3 now and his eyes have changed to a darker blue but I still only really remember the bad comment and not the nice ones

M0nstersinthecl0set · 22/07/2016 14:59

My 2nd daughter has bloody amazing hair. When she was young everyone would touch/ stroke it and comment. She hates her hair now and is very reluctant to take good care of it (gggrrr). It makes her feel different and that people notice her as not one of the crowd.
I read that commenting either negatively OR positively on a frequent basis about whether a child is fat gives them a negative self image.
I suspect the need to "fit in" when very young is a much bigger deal than given credit for.

noiwontmoveover · 22/07/2016 15:06

Haha! You lot are so funny! I meant posting to show how gorgeous hee eyes are!

Basically, you're fishing for compliments. You're dying for people to say ''go on! post a photo of her eyes''
Then you can sit back and bask in all the compliments that follow.

Or am I getting cynical in my old age? Hmm

Original poster
GertrudeMoo · 22/07/2016 15:42

Eh? I can't believe how this thread has kept going?! I'm not upset, distressed, fishing for compliments, or any other of the above strangeness. I just started the thread late last night for a bit of (lighthearted) banter relating to the incessant "wow big eyes" and "fat eyes" comments. Sounds like most of you think I need therapy! Confused
I'm off to fish for compliments from random strangers on NetMums!

OP posts: