Strangers commenting

[GertrudeMoo]

So, dd has gorgeous big eyes. Does that give everyone the right to say "Wow, what big eyes!" to her? I mean utter strangers, everywhere, in shops, on the bus....every single day, without fail, someone will say she has got big/huge/massive eyes! I wouldn't mind if they added beautiful or lovely...but no...
I find it quite rude.
Today she compared herself to a big-eyed frog! She's not even two years old! She might be a toddler but she has feelings and understands nearly everything she hears.
I understand that people mean well, but if it was any other body part would it be ok to comment? Wow, what a big nose! Wow, what huge teeth you have!
I also find it annoying when (random) people act really shocked when they hear her speak. She may be small but she's a human, and humans speak. She's not a talking dog! There's no need to make her feel like a freak because she has big eyes and can talk.

AIBU?

[TattyCat]

No, Op. You are making this an issue. You just said "I feel like posting a picture of her eyes", when everyone is telling you that big eyes are lovely. So you don't believe anyone and need to show them???

Stop it. Just stop it. If you don't, your daughter will grow up with a serious hang up because she looks to you to define her at the moment.

[RonaldMcDonald]

No some of us actually are

Anyway, show her Sophia the First - she is as bug eyed as my middler
That should do the trick

[GertrudeMoo]

Haha! You lot are so funny! I meant posting to show how gorgeous hee eyes are!

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

Shout at the next person. That'll teach them to make a nice comment about a child!

[TattyCat]

But why? Why do you need our confirmation that they are gorgeous?

Just love her, whether she has big eyes, eyes like pin pricks, sticky out ears or two heads. She is who she is and deserves acceptance. Please don't post a photo of her on here for other people to judge. She's your daughter so just love her, gorgeous or not.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Children are like baby animals. They're always gorgeous.

[KittensWithWeapons]

So then if big doesn't equal bad, there's no issue, is there? People tell her she has big eyes, it's just a statement of fact.

And you don't need to post a photo of her eyes to prove that they are gorgeous. I'm sure you think that your daughter is gorgeous. Surely you don't need internet randoms to confirm that?

[GertrudeMoo]

My goodness! Who's overreacting now? "She deserves acceptance"!?

[PerspicaciaTick]

I used to sing this song to my DD, who has huge gorgeous eyes - there is a Frank Sinatra version too - but I like the Puppini Sisters cover.

[Iwasjustabouttosaythat]

YANBU. If I comment on a child's looks at playgroup or wherever I always add "beautiful" or "lovely". I agree, they are human beings just learning about the world and it's nice to help them feel good about themselves if you're going to say anything at all, which a lot of people shouldn't.

[TattyCat]

My goodness! Who's overreacting now? "She deserves acceptance"!?

ODFOD and stop being precious.

[GertrudeMoo]

Serves me right for thinking I'd get some lighthearted banter on mumsnet at this time of night! Do you need some milk TattyCat?

[LucyBabs]

Your two year old gives a hard stare and the silent treatment to anyone who compliments her big eyes? WTAF?

[NotTheSpiceOfLife]

This thread is amazing

[Italiangreyhound]

GertrudeMoo Re "So, dd has gorgeous big eyes. Does that give everyone the right to say "Wow, what big eyes!" to her?"

NO it does not. It's rude. I have a big round tummy and am constantly being asked when I am due. I find it mildly annoying but choose to take it as a compliment that I look young enough to be pregnant, which I am not! I am an adult and can handle it.

whatamockerywemake yes I've had my stomach patted when I am not pregnant!

It's very sad your child is taking all this to heart. Just make sure she knows how beautiful she is, which I am sure you tell her often, and don't focus on the eyes, they are just part of her.

People love to comment on girls/women's looks, (and children's looks) and it's not necessary.

I'd be tempted to ignore these comments as much as possible.Engage your child in conversations on buses so strangers can't interrupt with their inane comments.

Having said all this try and focus on other things, there could be many more worse things in life and just enjoy your beautiful girl.

WorraLiberty I think that the comparison of a shop assistant telling you how much you owe for shopping and random strangers commenting on the size of a child's body parts, really odd.

[GertrudeMoo]

LucyBabs, she really does! She doesn't know it's a compliment. She's probably thinking why the jeff is this random person talking about my eyes? And another random person talking about my eyes...and another...and another.

[GertrudeMoo]

Thanks Italiangreyhound. I don't think she'd have noticed if it were an occasional thing, but it's almost every single person we encounter every day. She's had it since birth. She's an early talker, very expressive and communicative, and it's very clearly something she has picked up on or she wouldn't be comparing her eyes to a picture of a frog with big eyes.

[Ditsy4]

Oh for goodness sake get over yourself !

[LightDrizzle]

If her eyes are actually abnormally protuberant, as opposed to just large, then yes it is rude of then, as that it not regarded as aesthetically pleasing, but if they are just big, then they probably aren't. "Oh my god! What huge eyes/ long eyelashes/ lovely black/ red/ blonde hair [insert baby's best/ most noticeable feature here] is par for the course.

People regularly post here about tedious and anxiety inducing comments about size too "Oh he's so tiny", "Oh he's a big boy isn't he?" There's only so much to be said about babies and we aren't generally very original or creative about it.

I'd be surprised if it is negative, if your daughters eyes looked abnormal in a bad way, I think most people definitely wouldn't comment on them. They would be the elephant in the room.

[GertrudeMoo]

Ok Ditsy4. Will do. Thanks for your sage input.

[dizzyfucker]

How do you react? If you thank them and agree that her eyes are beautiful then it would send the message that the comments are positive and complimentry. If this is the message she was getting it's unlikely she would react negatively with the silent treatment. If the comments are irritating you and she is picking up on this, then the message you are sending your daughter is that people are being rude and insulting. That might explain why she's comparing herself to a frog. Be careful what message your irritation is sending to your child.

[Italiangreyhound]

GertrudeMoo it is really clear that many posters have no idea how annoying it is to get constant comments about something, even something that on the surface appear a compliment. It's boring, it's annoying, it;s embarrassing etc. And some posters just want to pop on here to make you feel bad about yourself. How sad.

The thing is as she grows here eyes won;t so when she is older her eyes will be less noticeable.

I met my friend's baby recently., my friend is black, so is his baby. She has amazing curly hair and is GORGEOUS, so I told him she was gorgeous. I didn't comment on her hair. I reckon anyone who has hair or whatever different from most people around them gets a lot of random comments and it's not helpful.

Even a genuinely nice comment becomes boring when said too much.

[Italiangreyhound]

dizzyfucker cross posted, that comment wasn't to you!

[GertrudeMoo]

No they aren't protruding. They are just big, round, beautiful eyes. I don't think it's meant in any way other than kind and positive (apart from "fat eyes"!)...but that's beside the point.

[Onesieisthequeensselfie]

The OP is obviously stealth boasting but hey, why not.

Congratulations on your beautiful, very expressive and communicative dd. BTW, it's ok to be a proud mummy