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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strangers commenting

196 replies

GertrudeMoo · 22/07/2016 00:05

So, dd has gorgeous big eyes. Does that give everyone the right to say "Wow, what big eyes!" to her? I mean utter strangers, everywhere, in shops, on the bus....every single day, without fail, someone will say she has got big/huge/massive eyes! I wouldn't mind if they added beautiful or lovely...but no...
I find it quite rude.
Today she compared herself to a big-eyed frog! She's not even two years old! She might be a toddler but she has feelings and understands nearly everything she hears.
I understand that people mean well, but if it was any other body part would it be ok to comment? Wow, what a big nose! Wow, what huge teeth you have!
I also find it annoying when (random) people act really shocked when they hear her speak. She may be small but she's a human, and humans speak. She's not a talking dog! There's no need to make her feel like a freak because she has big eyes and can talk.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 22/07/2016 02:37

GertrudeMoo I think you may need to be positive about comments for the sake of your dc, and a simple smile and 'her eyes are beautiful' or 'her eyes are beautiful, aren't they' would be enough.

But I get why it's annoying and it would be the same for any body part being constantly singled out.

Original poster
GertrudeMoo · 22/07/2016 02:42

Dizzy, I am polite to absolutely everyone who talks to me. I have never made any (negative) issue of this in front of her or anywhere other than this very thread. It never irritated or worried me, it was just "a thing" until the frog comment she made this evening and the comments her sister made today about her friends.

OP posts:
YouGotRedOnYou · 22/07/2016 02:43

People say this to me about DD all the time. One even said they looked like pools of chocolate. :o Teach your dd to accept compliments or at least let them wash over her.

Original poster
GertrudeMoo · 22/07/2016 02:51

Ha, Onesieisthequeensselfie, very proud indeed, however that "stealth boast" was just in response to an incredulous poster who doesn't seem to think toddlers have feelings and/or reactions. Mine does. But yes, she's still a baby, and doesn't know how to deal with her feelings yet. I'm just being (over) protective.

OP posts:
Original poster
GertrudeMoo · 22/07/2016 02:52

Anyhow, this OP is tired. G'night!

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 22/07/2016 02:55

Night night Wink

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 22/07/2016 03:03

Buenos Noches. Peeps..Grin

AnnaMarlowe · 22/07/2016 05:32

Gertrude my DC are very tall for their age. I'm fairly petite.

Every single time we meet someone new and they ask the children's ages they say "gosh they are very tall aren't they".

My immediate response has always been, "yes they are, isn't it lovely -they take after their Daddy"

As a result my DC associate being tall as a very positive trait and a special thing they share with their Dad.

I've seen previous posts by MNers getting terribly offended by people commenting on their tall DCs. The difference is in how you react to the statement.

myownprivateidaho · 22/07/2016 05:43

I think that the OP is getting an unnecessarily hard time here. I think it is rude to make a personal remark about someone else's appearance without being completely clear that it's a compliment - no reason that shouldn't go for babies too. The words "massive" or "huge" aren't usually complimentary! I really doubt anyone means anything bad by it, or even realises that the DD is turned on enough to engage with that kind of comment (she sounds very intelligent btw!). I think that others are right that you can't do much about this apart from just steer your dd into seeing this as a positive by your reaction to the comments. But I completely understand why you'd be upset.

NavyandWhite · 22/07/2016 06:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

branofthemist · 22/07/2016 06:24

My both my kids have big eyes. Ds especially. And yes we got loads of comments.

He can tell by people's tone and expression that it's a compliment.

The fact that you think 'huge' or 'massive' is and insult, will mean she has picked up on that too.

They are not negative words. They are words. The context they are used in makes them positive or negative.

If kids are saying mean things to your other Dd, get that sorted. But that's not other people's fault.

Yabu and a 2 years old wouldn't be attaching a negative association with this, with some outside influence.

Esmeismyhero · 22/07/2016 06:32

My dd is 4 and has a paralysed face. She also has huge blue eyes and white blonde hair.

Everyone always focuses on the face she doesn't smile, ooo cheer up, why are you so sad, etc

Then the arseholes, that's so freaky, weird, disgusting etc

Please don't take people's comments so seriously, people can sometimes be idiots.

Esmeismyhero · 22/07/2016 06:38

And for the record she does smile just not for wankers like them!!!!

And breathe

Strangers commenting
Rinoachicken · 22/07/2016 06:40

Moth my DS's have inherited my big eyes. Got comments like your DD all the time. I responded by agreeing and thanking. It's a compliment. My DS have never been bothered about their eyes.

If your DD doesn't know it's a compliment it's because you haven't told her and are reacting negatively everytime it's said. So she assumes it's a negative thing = her eyes are a bad thing.

How she feels about herself is down to YOU at this age. Stop blaming other people.

ApocalypseSlough · 22/07/2016 06:41

What do you say when people comment?
Esme- your DD is gorgeous.

PrimalLass · 22/07/2016 06:49

I think you are getting a hard time here. People are being rude commenting on her all the time. My wee brother was extra cute, and did get almost harassed my strangers at that age. He hated it.

GrimmauldPlace · 22/07/2016 06:52

Why would a group of 7 year olds tease their classmate about the size of her little sisters eyes? That's ridiculous. Was your 2yo around them at the time or did this happen in school? Very strange.

In regards to the big eye comments from strangers, it doesn't seem to me that you don't want strangers commenting on your dd's looks. You just want them to use specific language you choose. I don't understand why a 2 year old would associate "big" with any negative meaning. Unless you've reacted in a negative way to it.

DD is 3 and has a full head of ringlets. She is constantly getting comments about her hair from strangers. Some of the time it's "what lovely/gorgeous hair" but some times its a passing "look at that hair!" which could mean anything really. She's never once showed any notice, it's just her hair, it's how she looks.

When your DD said to you that she looks like a frog, what was your response?

HarryElephante · 22/07/2016 07:07

This thread went well.

toadgirl · 22/07/2016 07:09

just reply "yes - they are absolutely. gorgeous, lucky girl"

horizontilting · 22/07/2016 07:31

Your dd is absolutely gorgeous, Esme. Glad she knows to keep that lovely smile for people who deserve it!

My son is very obviously disabled and has unusual facial features as part of the whole package. Children often comment in confusion at his (very abnormal and obviously blind) eye. Telling them it doesn't hurt and he's like a pirate tends to impress ;). There are problems with the other"good" eye and its vision is threatened too but they can't see those issues.

The days when people choose to comment on the positive things about him rather than all his difficulties are the better days. I can't stop people commenting and passing remarks.

OP, it's great that your dd has what you clearly say are gorgeous big, and I'm guessing fully functional, eyes since you've said nothing to indicate otherwise. Some people comment on anything unusual. They just do. Luckily, for your daughter, they've only got something very positive to comment on. I'm trying to think of a way to end this post that sounds more comforting or conciliatory but tbh in the greater scheme of things having lovely big striking eyes she can see through sounds fantastic to me.

junebirthdaygirl · 22/07/2016 07:37

When l was young people always commented on my eyes. They are brown and big. I don't know how l decided that was a compliment but l did. It really helped to have that memory through my life. Here when l hear people say they always felt ugly l realise that somehow through those random comments of strangers l have always felt positive about my looks. I'm in my 50s so compliments weren't flying at home when l was young but knowing l had one good feature at least stood to me. You could say did you hear the lady talking about your beautiful big brown eyes. Sometimes we tell our dc they're beautiful but they think sure all parents say that but coming from a stranger and being specific helped me and still gives me a warm feeling of comfort.
Turn this to the good.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 22/07/2016 07:45

I'm laughing at a group of 7 year olds even noticing that she even has a sister, let alone what she looks like! 😂

DD2 has big, incredibly blue eyes, a stark contrast from my brown, and people comment all the time in supermarkets etc about her big eyes, aren't they pretty etc. It's not meant to be offensive!

Mycraneisfixed · 22/07/2016 07:45

Whenever anyone comments on her big eyes always reply, "Yes they're beautiful aren't they?" And stop being so negative.

honeylulu · 22/07/2016 07:48

Big eyes are usually considered beautiful so I'd assume such comments are compliments.It's also why a lot of us spend a bloody fortune on mascara!

LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF · 22/07/2016 08:16

I was going to suggest showing her some of those Manga cartoons where all the girls have huge, beautiful eyes. Then I realised - two and a half year old girl/Manga. No.

Tell her LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF thinks she sounds adorable.