To be hurt and totally pissed off with dh asking if i am pregnant

[EveOnline2016]

Dh has had the snip 6 years ago. I am 10 days late.

Ok I am never late.

I know I'm not pregnant.

YABU.

The snip isn't fully guaranteed.

Do a test?

Depends how he asked i guess? Was it accusatory? Confused? Excited?

YABU. It's a possibility, why would you be hurt and pissed off?

About 7 years after the snip is the key time for it to reverse itself.
Do a test.

Errr, it sounds perfectly reasonable to me, but perhaps you've missed out tone of voice or something like that?

Is the butthurt over your waistline or fidelity?

It depends on how he said it.

If it was a "Well, is there any chance you could be pregnant?" in a "Oh fuck, could the vasectomy have failed?" kind of way then YABU, its a fair question to ask.

If it was in an accusatory way that implies you have cheated, then YANBU. Its all to do with context I am afraid. I had a similar one about 6 months ago. Due to various issues we hadnt had sex for 3 months, yet he still asked me. I said that unless his sperm could get out of his balls, across the bedroom and into me all on their own, then no. He admitted that he hadnt though about the fact that we hadnt had sex just that "no period = pregnant" in his head.

You can't say "I am ten days late" and "I am never late" in the one breath. It's not logical.

The most likely cause of missed period women in between puberty and perimenopause is pregnancy so it is not entirely unreasonable for that to be considered as a possibility. If I were you, I'd go to a doctor to investigate the cause, which could indeed include pregnancy, despite the vasectomy.

As for our husband's comment and your reaction, I have no idea. If you think he had been insinuating that you are unfaithful, why did your or his mind jump to that? It would definitely need to be something you should talk about. But it certainly wasn't the first interpretation that came to mind when I read your post.

Perimenopause? How old are you? My previously regular periods became unpredictable when I was about 44.

sycamore

whilst I agree with the rest of your post, I think that you are being very picky with

You can't say "I am ten days late" and "I am never late" in the one breath. It's not logical

Ok so it may not be stricly accurate, perhaps "I have never been late before" would have been more factually correct, but I think that everyone gets the point she is trying to make. Seems quite petty to quibble tbh.

Although hurtful, considering the circumstances that he's had a vasectomy, you're generally never late and are now 10 days late, It's hurtful but a somewhat possible conclusion you may be pregnant. and I think most think a vasectomy is permanent, and men don't necessarily know all the different reasons a woman's period may be late, so if he did it in a slightly curious/ mildly accusatory way it's slightly reasonable but of course harmful

Not to argue Bogey, but I think it does matter in terms of communication. Men and women tend to communicate in different styles, and men often want to respond to the mention of a problem with an immediate suggestion of a solution. It can be irritating as hell if what you are looking for is sympathy or compassion or just to have a bit of a moan. So to say "I am late" and "I am never late" could easily, in my view, see someone with a more classicly 'male' communication style jump straight to solutions mode and try to reconcile these contradictory statements without doing what presumably the OP wanted of saying "are you worried, are you feeling ok" etc.

I see what you are saying, but I would think that generally other women, which is predominantly what MNers are, would get what she meant. I got from her OP that she was saying that to us, to explain that her lateness is a major deviation from the norm for her.

However if she had said it to her DH then yes, I can see what you mean.

Let's see. You're "hurt and pissed off" at an innocent, fairly logical comment.

My guess is that your period is JUST about to start, or you're pregnant

So how did this conversation go then?

You: DH, I'm 10 days late
Him: OMG are you pregnant?
You:

In general it's an automatic male response to assume that late period = pregnant - his brain probably went straight to panic mode without accessing logic and reasoning (i.e. "I've had the snip, how could she be?").

Unless he's accused you of having extramarital sex, or lying, then I don't really see what you're so hurt and pissed off with him about.

Can you elaborate s bit more on how the conversation went?

My DH always asks me if I'm pregnant if I mention:
Any kind of breast tenderness
A later than normal period
Any kind of stomach cramp

Can you tell he doesn't want anymore children?! Me being pregnant is fairly unlikely with the double whammy precautions we take but I still don't feel hurt or upset when he says it. It's a knee jerk reaction.

If he accused you of cheating, YANBU.

If he thinks his vasectomy has healed itself, YABU.

My OH had a successful vasectomy almost a year ago. We still convince ourselves I'm pregnant every month 😁.

Yabu, seems like a pretty normal question back in response to your statement.

Yabu. When you have a vasectomy they make it clear that in a small number of cases it came 'repair' itself.

It is always a risk with it. You could in fact be pregnant, by him. Unless he threw in an implication that you cheated on him, you are bu.

Dh was going to looking to having his sperm checked yearly as I definitely do not want anymore kids and would have an abortion if it happened. As it happens I then found out I have pcos so am on contraception anyway. So hopefully the chances of me getting pg are minuscule even if It repairs.

My periods have started to jump something shocking the past six months or so - previous to that you could have set your watch by them (I'm 42). The first time there was a delay of 2 weeks, I mentioned it to my husband, he asked if I could be pregnant. We have used the same method of contraception for 25 years, we don't fuck about with it, and more importantly he'd been working away and on nights for a good few weeks previously - I didn't feel hurt, pissed off, livid, offended. The thought had crossed my mind too without any rational explanation. I took the piss with a few immaculate conception jokes.