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AIBU?

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To be hurt and totally pissed off with dh asking if i am pregnant

238 replies

EveOnline2016 · 21/07/2016 00:56

Dh has had the snip 6 years ago. I am 10 days late.

Ok I am never late.

I know I'm not pregnant.

OP posts:
green18 · 27/07/2016 07:53

My Hmm was because I was stunned at your comment. Couldn't find the words and an emoji did it for me.

headinthecloud · 27/07/2016 08:00

Funniest thing I've read in ages! Great derailment and I've learnt more than I did in years of my Catholic education

IHateDoors · 27/07/2016 08:16

Wait, come again? Jesus grew in a halo? An actual halo?

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 27/07/2016 08:45

Desolate I know somebody who does. She thinks evolution is wrong (but was doing a biology degree Confused), refused to read Harry Potter, dropped out of university to become a missionary somewhere in Africa and ended up married and pregnant about six months later. I don't know if less literal/creationist Christians do too though.

Iloveowls2 · 27/07/2016 10:29

Place marking - at work but need to come back best derailment of a thread ever

Rrross1ges · 27/07/2016 10:40

Next you'll be telling me that no one knows what the H in the middle stands for

What does the H stand for?

Also, did he have a bike?

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 27/07/2016 11:17

No, bikes weren't invented until Elizabethan times. Walter Raleigh developed them to fight off the Spanish Armada I think.

Rrross1ges · 27/07/2016 11:22
Grin
notquitegrownup2 · 27/07/2016 11:41

Grin Grin Grin

I've learned loooooads on this thread - including the realisation that lots of people must think that Christ was Jesus' surname.

Re God playing the long game in all this wasn't St Joachim a relative of St David - because Jesus had to be born of the house of David, and since St Joseph isn't his birth father then there had to be a maternal link? Or did I get that wrong?

Love the fact that people who do not RTWT will look at the OP, then skip too the end and wonder how the discussion got here.

MrsHathaway · 27/07/2016 13:59

Desolate I know somebody who does. She thinks evolution is wrong (but was doing a biology degree confused), refused to read Harry Potter, dropped out of university to become a missionary somewhere in Africa and ended up married and pregnant about six months later. I don't know if less literal/creationist Christians do too though.

I was at university with a group of very literal Christians who were studying geography and/or geology "to understand the snares the Devil had laid in their path to lure them away from the truth".

Believing every single bit of the Bible completely literally is an exercise in extreme doublethink.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/07/2016 14:23

"Christ is not a surname. His parents were not "Mr and Mrs Christ of Number 2, The Stables, Bethlehem"".

This made me snort out loud - nice phrase, not surprised you remembered it! Grin

No, last time I checked I was not Martin Luther but you never know! Grin

Rrross1ges · 27/07/2016 14:53

Mary will be recognisable by the fact she is wearing pale blue (and a bottom hat of course!)

What's a bottom hat? I can't find one on the John Lewis website.

BitOutOfPractice · 27/07/2016 16:31

You'd need some elastic or divine intervention to keep one of them on surely!

Rrross1ges · 27/07/2016 20:00

We were googling Mormon underpants yesterday. Apparently they have special powers.

LucyBabs · 28/07/2016 01:24

Oh yes because of course everyone should know what jesus' surname was! I was brought up Catholic and even I dont know what his surname was if he ever lived, that is

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/07/2016 03:38

I'm just entertaining myself here with the various surnames Jesus could have had, depending on how much "cover-up" there was.

Jesus Josephson
Jesus Maryson
Jesus Godson
Jesus O'God

UnikittyInHerBusinessSuit · 28/07/2016 07:20

They didn't have surnames at that time, so he'd just have been called Jesus (or the Hebrew equivalent which I can't type which is more like Yeshua) and if there were more than one of them around then he'd have been called Jesus-son-of-Joseph or Jesus-from-Nazareth or Jesus-the-Carpenter to distinguish him from any other Jesuses around.

VenusRising · 28/07/2016 23:39

Yes, IHateDoors, a real life halo, in the state of grace.... Surrounded by higher order, First Sphere angels.

Pretty packed in that halo until you remember that angels are so small they can all fit on the head of a pin. Not that you'd want a pin in your halo. Unless that's how you get it more holy, (and stop it from slipping.)

I think the H stands for Horace. Or Harchibald

Or it could be HolierThanThou. But it's probably Ho.. From the Greek. Not calling anyone names... especially not Herself in the lapis.

Mormon undies do indeed have spacial special powers, they divide the goats from the sheep, and help you hit the high notes, especially if they've been washed with a too hot blue rinse.

Yes Handsome, I've also heard it spoken that Walter Raleigh invented bikes: smoking and non smoking.

Now, cough cough, did I hear someone say Jehovah? fixes beard on more securely

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 29/07/2016 00:16

Jehovah invented the pogo stick (hence the expression "jumping Jehovah"). Obvs this predates both bicycles and Jesus.

buckingfrolicks · 29/07/2016 00:39

you just gotta love VenusRising!

BigChocFrenzy · 29/07/2016 07:20

As a small child, I genuinely thought Christ was some scary verb:
"Jesus CHRIST our Lord"
and used to really shout the CHRIST bit in church prayers until shushed.

I was taught that an angel popped down to stop Joseph leaving when he found Mary was pregnant without (him) shagging her.

Also that Mary was an ordinary woman who gave birth as a virgin, had sex later on and was made a Saint later by Jesus as a thank-you to his mum for putting up with him.

I presumed Joseph was made a Saint for not asking awkward questions.

I always associated religion with smelly donkeys (still do) and at age 11 refused to go to church anymore - just stayed home and read Biggles (1960s kids could be left home all day if need be)

To be hurt and totally pissed off with dh asking if i am pregnant
iisme · 29/07/2016 08:46

Yeah, Joseph was totally leaving Mary for being up-duffed by someone else. But Gabriel came to him in a dream and told him it was god's and he should stfu. Whether or not Mary was always a virgin is largely a catholic/Protestant divide. Catholics can't really handle the mother of god indulging in sinful sex, so interpret the references to Jesus's brothers as half-brothers (or more like step-brothers I guess) from an earlier, unmentioned, marriage of Joseph (who knows where they were during the nativity and the flight to Egypt but oh well), whereas Protestants are cool with Mary having sex after marriage, as long as she wasn't sloppy seconds for God, so interpret the brothers as younger full (or half, I guess) brothers.

The connection of Jesus to David is through Joseph, which makes no sense as Jesus isn't related to Joseph. Two of the gospels (mark & Luke maybe) begin with extensive (and different) family trees linking David and Joseph. That was why they went to Bethlehem for the census - because Joseph was 'of the family of david' (female genealogy much less important) - although obviously that's not how censuses work and is a completely ridiculous story.

I'm totally down with Jesus having a bike several hundred years before Ralaigh discovered them in Virginia. He's the son of God ffs. Maybe he had one of those weird surf board things that you peddle with a sort of bike and never actually walked on water?

BillSykesDog · 29/07/2016 08:56

I always thought his full name was Jesus Maryandjosephwillyeevershutupinthereyelittlefeckers

BitOutOfPractice · 29/07/2016 12:24

Oh heck I love this thread Grin

JacquettaWoodville · 29/07/2016 12:31

"sloppy seconds for God"

His full name was Jesus H Roosevelt Christ, surely? (Outlander fan).