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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD is starting school in September, but isn't toilet trained.

560 replies

BarkingMad12 · 09/07/2016 17:44

Hi. Not sure what to do. DD isn't toilet trained yet, we haven't rushed it at all and did wait until she showed signs, but she never did so we have slowly started trying more and more but it isn't going great. I'm worried as she's closer and closer to going to school.

Do I tell them? If so, when? Also, is she allowed to go? Even though she isn't trained? Advice would be great

OP posts:
ohnoppp · 09/07/2016 17:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iluffsryanreynolds · 09/07/2016 17:48

my dd still isn't using the toilet for poo, so just watching to see if there's any good advice.

Brownfiesta · 09/07/2016 17:50

If September comes and she is not toilet train, just talk to the class teacher - it isn't that unusual and they certainly can't refuse to take her.

Have you asked your HV for advice?

Fairylea · 09/07/2016 17:51

The school cannot refuse to take her if she isn't trained yet. They may say that but legally actually they have to make provision for changing nappies etc if necessary (see the Eric incontinence website for advice, my son is 4 with special needs and wear nappies and will do for some years yet so I know the ins and outs of it all)!

JellyMouldJnr · 09/07/2016 17:51

Is she at preschool or nursery? I think you need to try whole heartedly to train her now to see if she will be ready, and if not ask to talk to the reception teacher about it. Is she delayed in other ways or is this an isolated issue?

Vajazzler · 09/07/2016 17:52

I would get on with training over the holidays and hope that she's more reliably using the toilet by then. If she's not, make sure to let them know and provide a bag with plenty of spare uniform/pants /socks and possibly shoes too as they'll get wet as well as plenty of bags to put wet things in. They do get the hang of it quickly x

OohMavis · 09/07/2016 17:54

How old is she? She won't be the first and she won't be the last - they can't refuse to take her.

There's still time though. It might click for her from now until then. I would be upfront with her teacher(s), they might even be full of great advice.

Original poster
BarkingMad12 · 09/07/2016 17:55

She's 3 and yeah, she goes to nursery. This is the only thing she hasn't got the hang of yet. Is it really considered delayed?

OP posts:
FuzzyOwl · 09/07/2016 18:00

I would do everything possible to get her trained now and get nursery to help you - they will be experienced in this and should be able to advise you.

Whilst a school can take a child who isn't toilet trained, it is exactly the kind of thing that other children remember or pick up on and I know of them being bullied for it.

Crunchymum · 09/07/2016 18:00

She is 3 now? Is she soon to be 4?

Dementedswan · 09/07/2016 18:00

Nursery or reception?

I'd try and persevere but dont stress child out. Definitely speak to school so they can put a care plan in place. My ds suffered badly with constipation in his reception year and was put on movicol. The school didn't blink an eyelid despite numerous accidents in which he soiled badly. They just put a care plan in place. Kept spare clothes for him and even made him his own reward system for sitting on the toilet at set points through the day.

School can't help if they don't know.

OohMavis · 09/07/2016 18:00

It's not delayed. It's just unfortunate that as a summer baby, she had less time to 'get it' than other children in her class who'll probably be a couple of years into being dry.

popperdoodles · 09/07/2016 18:01

Presumably she is late July /August born so starting school one of the youngest. There is still time over the summer for it to click. Please speak to her teacher about it though ASAP. She will be able to reassure you of what would happen in the event of accidents and changes. If I was the teacher I would appreciate knowing in advance. Go for it over the summer. Good luck

Bogburglar99 · 09/07/2016 18:01

Is she just four or nearly five? And are we talking 'getting there but with frequent accidents' or 'no idea whatsoever'?

If the former then you have the whole summer to keep at it, and reception class teachers are very used to dealing with wet pants, especially in the early days.

If she's nearer 5 than 4 and hasn't got a clue, then I would suggest asking some advice of the health visitor now. It's perfectly possible to have a otherwise mature and school ready child who struggles with toilet training looking at you DD, and school will have to take her whatever. But it would be helpful to rule out any medical issues, and get confirmation for school that you have done all you can.

Original poster
BarkingMad12 · 09/07/2016 18:01

She turns 4 at the end of August Sad she's such a young one in her year

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 09/07/2016 18:01

You have the summer so I would crack on.

My DC1 attends a preschool with a dry policy. He is daytime dry but still wears a nappy overnight and is nowhere near nighttime dryness. He has another year at preschool though.

Original poster
BarkingMad12 · 09/07/2016 18:02

She can do a wee on the toilet but that's only if I place her on it, she has no clue with regards to knowing herself really

OP posts:
WhatTimeIsItCuckoo · 09/07/2016 18:03

Hi Barking, I understand your concern completely as my son started last year and also wasn't toilet trained. I did tell the Reception teachers, they do a home visit around this time of year, and they were lovely about it and very supportive. He actually did his first wee on the toilet on 31st July (remember it well!) and was fine with that going forward but when he started school in September he had still never done a poo on the toilet at all. Again, his teacher was fully aware and we agreed that he'd wear normal undies for school like everyone else and he'd get taken through to use the loo at regular intervals, again like everyone else. In that first half term he had a couple of poo accidents whilst at school that the staff were great about, but mostly waited until he got home then did it in his pants, I could almost have set an alarm by it Grin. However, during the half term hol (October) he just started using the loo for a poo as well, literally overnight, and has been sorted ever since. I sometimes wonder if it's just something that simply needs to 'click' for each individual child, whatever that may be. In short, I would definitely tell the Reception staff and I'm sure they'll help you every way they can. Good luck! Smile

malika54 · 09/07/2016 18:04

You have the whole summer, go for it. Put her in knickers and get ready to mop for a few days Grin. And if all else fails, talk to the teacher.
I'm going for it this summer too with my daughter. I've started putting her on the toilet a few times a day to get her into a habit and we'll see how things go this summer.
Good luck

Griphook · 09/07/2016 18:04

So she's going into reception. I think you need to get on with it. Does she still wear nappies or are you letting her get the sensation of being wet.

zzzzz · 09/07/2016 18:04

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nicknamehelp · 09/07/2016 18:05

Set aside a week explain what is going to happen and cracking on with it. It's not easy but if you stick to it she will soon catch on.

Fairylea · 09/07/2016 18:06

Lots of children in reception and year 1 need help with going to the toilet - whether it's nappy changing or wiping or help with their clothing. There is no need whatsoever for any of the other children to be aware of a child needing to have a nappy changed - the staff shouldn't be making an issue of it and you can buy pads for inside normal knickers if necessary or larger nappies that are more discreet. Once clothes are tucked in no one needs to know a child wears a nappy. If a child is being bullied for wearing a nappy in reception or year 1 I would say the school is doing something very wrong somewhere.

Eebahgum · 09/07/2016 18:07

Definitely tell them and yes they will still take her. But also agree that you have quite a while to work on it until September.
Everytime a child needs changing 2 members of staff need to go to do it. That can cause a huge amount of disruption to the nursery routine if lots of children need it doing regularly.

Theonslostbits · 09/07/2016 18:10

Im not sure what the rules are for school. There was one child in my son's nursery who wore pull ups at the start of the year.

I would try and dedicate a full week of potty training if you are able. When I trained my boys I had spent a few weeks explaining it to them. Letting them choose big boy undies etc. Before and after bath time they sat on the potty. Big claps and praise when they did it. I made a star chart with them. They were told "from monday no more baby nappies because you are a big boy now". They were asked if they needed the toilet every half hour or so. They managed well. Had the odd accident but it didn't take long. The night times took a little longer. They were both potty trained by age 2/3.

Obviously if you feel your child is not able to do this. You should talk to your health visitor. All children develop differently obviously.

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