DD is starting school in September, but isn't toilet trained.

[BarkingMad12]

Hi. Not sure what to do. DD isn't toilet trained yet, we haven't rushed it at all and did wait until she showed signs, but she never did so we have slowly started trying more and more but it isn't going great. I'm worried as she's closer and closer to going to school.

Do I tell them? If so, when? Also, is she allowed to go? Even though she isn't trained? Advice would be great

I would get on to your HV . They can refer you to the childrens continence team who may be able to help .

no more day time nappies, heaps and heaps of big girl pants, no punishment just massive praise each time she tells you she needs to go.

I work in a reception class and there was one child with extra needs who had a nappy but no other children. occasional accidents ( one a week) from 30 children but if there had been more nappies to change (which takes 2 qualified adults) would have taken massive resources out of the classroom.

It is very unusual for children to start Reception in nappies. Each class generally has one teacher and one TA for 30 children, and though the odd accident is normal and to be expected, it isn't reasonable or practicable for staff to carry out toilet training.

I think you just need to bite the bullet and put DD into pants during the day time, and keep going until she gets it. Discuss with her what is going to happen in a calm and matter of fact way and deal with accidents (of which there may be many) calmly and without fuss. If, after a couple of weeks, you still aren't making progress, then a chat with your HV might be in order.

would also like to add that there is funding for children with extra needs who have a 1-1
for children who are just slower to get toilet training there is no extra money and the time is taken from TA's who are allocated somewhere else.

I'm just about to say the same as everyone else really, but I've had 4 children, 3 boys and 1 girl.
They were all dry in the day before they turned 3.
The reasons they were was because I took the time and effort needed to teach them.
,
My DD took longer than the boys because she didn't seem to mind being wet at all and it's hard work, lots of washing and spending time with them, following them around until you get to recognise 'that look' on there little face to teach them, but that's kind of your job as a parent.

It's a couple of weeks hard work tops but part and parcel I'm afraid.

Just do it OP

*Can she jump (with both feet of the ground)?

You need to be able to do this to be physically ready to toilet train.*

Where is this from?

2nds Is the second child easier to train? It was for me - I bribed both of them! Bought a stack of treats and said they both got one every time DC2 went successfully on the potty. Talk about sibling encouragement.....! (I know - I am a terrible mother!)

Yes, just bite the bullet and do it. I didn't wait for any "signs" that dd was ready for toilet training. Basically, as soon as she turned 2 we bought a potty and that was it really. Dd went to a Montessori nursery school that took kids only from 2.5 years and they had to be out of nappies.

Ds is 4. 7 years and starting school in September, he has dev delay, speech and language delay and we thought he would never do it. We started last year April 2015 when he was 3.4 years and it took us a year to get him dry and clean, which he has been for 2 months.

You have to go for it! Tell her that the nappies are going to the babies now, and let her choose big girl pants and potty, and choose some potty stories to read to her. Clock watch, and take her every 40 mins, even if she sits for 1 min on the potty, reward that with a sweet or whatever. We asked ds paeditrician to refer us to the incontinence nurse which he did. What she did recommend that was excellent, was PHS special needs pants, which are more absorbent than normal pants. We used those in nursery so they would contain more, and less mess as he was dry at home but not there. Eventually he just got it, and wanted to be like his friends. But don't leave it, go could turkey right now.

I think to be referred to the incontinence nurse, you really have got to have tried for a very long time, and different things which we did.

Another one that agrees it's not fair on TAs or teachers or other children ( SN different scenario).

This is your job as a parent to get sorted before school .

face up to your responsibilities and sort it out. NO MORE nappies.

DD2 was OK for wee, but still incontinent with poo when she started school. Luckily she was a regular evening person so it wasn't a problem.

She was late toilet training for wee too, she just didn't pay attention.

I helped her focus by paying her for each successful toileting effort (and charging her a penny for each tidy up - I started by giving her a bag with 10x1p in it). Only a penny (2p if we were out of the house and she had to give me advanced notice of needing to get to a toilet). I started boxing day, after the Xmas diet made the poo-incidents more frequent. It sorted itself out pretty quickly. It's been 6 months now and there have only been a handful of accidents, mostly when she's unwell.

Try a direct bribing approach?

I agree with HarryPotter

I waited for signs that never came with DS1. He was starting a new nursery at 3 and we had to just focus on it. Since i was the one who was more worried about the whole thing (and therefore likely to convey more stress) DH did the first day. I was called "Big Boy Pants Day" and the nappies were thrown away.

Use the Gina Ford books too

What ds Paeditrician said for poo, was to take him after meal time and sit on potty. I even allowed ds to sit on potty with my I pad complete with spongy cover. That really helped, he sat there for long enough for a wee, eventually it kept happening, the wee and just clicked. He told me he did nit want me taking him to the toilet, he woukd do himself, I told ds ok. He did, if he forgot to go, and wet, I took him which he did nit like, and that kinda spurred him to do it for himself. He was dry at home. At nursery he was still in nappies as he was unreliable, but it was because of the nappies that he woukd not bother.

Nursery were reluctant to go cold turkey, but after some persuasion and I got those special pants, nappies went, and he us clean and dry there too from the day I put him in pants. He made more effort to go as he knew he woukd get wet and he started telling staff he was wet and needed to go.

try a my carry potty for travel, they don't leak, they look much like a lunch box

DS1 didn't show signs. I'd dabbled in the summer at 2.5 and he really had no inclination then. When he turned 3 in the mid-winter, nursery suggested trying. We went down the pants and straight to toilet route. I bulk bought a load of cheap identical tracksuit bottoms and pants. There were lots of accidents, but after a couple of weeks they spaced out and became sporadic. I was biding my time because he was delayed in his speech and concerned about him being able to tell me.

DS2 wanted to start, but being a good 6 months longer, it took a little longer. He started the week the schools went back, and was fairly reliable by half term 6 weeks later. He's still in pull ups at night. I think he is dry at night most of the time, and suspect that most of the wee in the pull ups is from when he wakes up. Sometimes he will use the toilet before he's dressed and it's removed, but other times he will use it because it's there. (I'll try going without at night soon when I have more time to wash the bedding in the holidays.)

Other than night time, the only time I used a pull up was in the very early weeks if there was a long journey where stopping the car would be impractical. Other places we went to like supermarkets had toilets. Sometimes we'd have a miss, but they did recognise that they needed it, and quickly learned to give enough warning to get to the toilets.

My eldest was like this - end of Aug birthday.

We had tried at while she was at nursery but I think they made it all worse.

Did weeks of just pants over summer and it seemed to work - by start of the term she had pretty much cracked it.

Spoke to staff they said they were use to it - a few accident but wasn't only one. One accident first day in year 1 and that was it.

I suggest telling the school now that this may be an issue in September. As PP have said, this should not be a barrier to her education and they should support you, but it will allow them time to prepare.

It's a long time until September, so I would get cracking! I was forced to toilet train DD before I really wanted to so I do know how you feel. I made the decision to just do it and went out and bought a book about it (Princess Polly Goes on the Potty or something like that) lots of cute pants, a pretty potty and toddler toilet seat and just went for it. It was tough but suddenly it fell into place and was much easier. Good luck!

try a my carry potty for travel, they don't leak, they look much like a lunch box

^^ very useful thing.

Incidentally next child was worse - solid accidents an issue all through reception which that teacher often just ignored causing issues. Still issues at home getting so concentrated they forgot to go - for while after that.

Child after that announced at 2 and half they wanted to try and were dry within the week.

I'm not sure the difference was down to parenting there as much as difference in the children.

You may be taking it far too slowly. Take away the nappies and make a concerted effort to crack on with it now. If after a couple of weeks of no nappies and regular taking to the toilet or potty she still is making no progress then get further advice or help.

Not really too sure what is meant by "signs" or what you are really looking for from her. Don't procrastinate too long looking for non-existent "signs" though. Just make the decision, tell your DD, tell her why it matters and then press on with it.

The post about jumping really had me laughing 😆 I must say. Children don't suddenly start jumping when they are ready to toilet train.

Not sure what jumping has to do with it my son has asd and learning disabilities and can jump and climb very well but is still in nappies at six hes at a special school though so its not an issue agree with fairylea.

Back when we had terry nappies and no tumble dryer we had a great incentive to get them out of nappies. I can't remember any children I knew in the 70s starting school not toilet trained, actually I can't remember any at playgroup and they started at 3. I don't think you could leave them at playgroup if they were in nappies, you have to stay with them.

I help in a local primary school and was quite shocked one day when a reception child was taken to the loo to be changed. Lets just say the TA was a bit sharp with him, I bet his parents would have been upset if they had heard him.

I agree that you still have time to try and improve things.

I do not understand the people who have queried what these 'magic signs are'. They are listed on the NHS website which also states that you cannot force a child to potty train who is not ready...

My son is 3 and I have not started training yet - his HV and paediatrician have both advised waiting until he is showing awareness of weeing/wet nappy