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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD is starting school in September, but isn't toilet trained.

560 replies

BarkingMad12 · 09/07/2016 17:44

Hi. Not sure what to do. DD isn't toilet trained yet, we haven't rushed it at all and did wait until she showed signs, but she never did so we have slowly started trying more and more but it isn't going great. I'm worried as she's closer and closer to going to school.

Do I tell them? If so, when? Also, is she allowed to go? Even though she isn't trained? Advice would be great

OP posts:
Kennington · 09/07/2016 19:33

Mine is young for her year. Perhaps get her some frozen pants? This helped mine. Summer babies have a little catching up but you still have time.

WeAllHaveWings · 09/07/2016 19:36

How have you tried to train her? I have never heard of slowly trying to toilet train, do you swap between toilet and nappies? must be confusing for her.

I would read a book or two on toilet training, explain to her its time to get rid of the nappies, then take a week or two out, swap to pants and go from there. There will be lots of accidents at first but, assuming no other issues, she will get there especially when she realises being wet isn't nice.

CocktailQueen · 09/07/2016 19:37

Definitely crack on with potty training her. It's just not fair to expect early years staff to change nappies of NT children whose parents just haven't potty trained them!!

Go cold turkey. Swap to pants. Stay in for a few days, take her to the potty every half an hour, sit on it for 5 mins, read a book to her, big praise or bribery to make her try a wee. She'll get the hang of it.

deadpool99 · 09/07/2016 19:39

ginger Flowers

ohnoppp · 09/07/2016 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SideOfFoot · 09/07/2016 19:47

You've still got time. Go cold turkey with this as from tomorrow, no more nappies, pull up pants. Just put on normal pants and be prepared for lots of accidents but it will get easier. Good luck.

clam · 09/07/2016 19:48

If there is no medical reason why she's not trained, then just get it done. You cannot expect school staff to do it for you, as that's unfair on them and all the other children they have to deal with.
It's all very well saying "they can't refuse to accept a child in nappies." No, they can't, but that rule is aimed at children with medical issues, not those whose parents just haven't got round to it.

SoupDragon · 09/07/2016 19:49

I would say youve got plenty of time over the summer to have a good go at toilet training - assuming you are at home with her that it is, it's tricker otherwise I think.

Being naked might be the way to go so she can make the connection between the feeling of needing to go and actually going.

Good luck! If she doesn't get it by September, at least you can say you have been trying.

Doingthedo · 09/07/2016 19:50

do everything you can, as an experienced teacher of nearly 20 years I have seen it all and will deal with it all BUT if I spend 1 hour (which I am at the moment) out of 6 each day, cleaning a soiled child it seriously affects my ability to actually teach the rest of the children.....

Fairylea · 09/07/2016 19:51

I wish people would stop saying things that aren't true. The school may ask you to go in to change them but actually they should be changing them themselves. An ehcp is not needed for this. They do not need 2 people to do it, they do not even need an allocated changing area. Sorry but all that is nonsense spouted by schools because they don't want to do it. The ERIC link (please see my post earlier on the thread) clearly sets out the rights and responsibilities of a school when it comes to nappy changing and toileting regardless of whether a child has special needs or not.

No one is saying it is ideal to have a child starting school in nappies or pads but for various reasons children do and it is the kind of ignorance on this thread that means those children (and parents) are not getting the help and support they need to enjoy school and access learning effectively even if they are not yet toilet trained.

Fairylea · 09/07/2016 19:52

(Can I just say I do have empathy for teachers and schools who are changing nappies etc when they should be teaching but in real terms most children are out of nappies by the time they start reception so it is a small minority who will need this kind of assistance).

Doingthedo · 09/07/2016 19:54

it is not a small minority any more, every year I have more children not toilet trained....5 at the beginning of this academic year and 2 still soiling/wetting regularly with no medical reason found....

TheCrumpettyTree · 09/07/2016 19:55

What do you mean by trying it slowly? You really do have to just ditch the nappies and keep reminding them to wee. If after a week it doesn't work then talk to the GP maybe. I didn't potty train DS until he was 3, it took about 3 days, several accidents and one of the days I thought he really wasn't going to get it but he did.

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 09/07/2016 19:56

She is nearly 4 and not toilet trained?

You need to get on with it then, you have 2 months, which is plenty of time.

You can't expect teachers to change a nappy on a 4 year old and it would be very embarrassing for your DD to have to start school in nappies!

Fairylea · 09/07/2016 19:58

5 in an average class size of 30-35 as is common in my area is still a small minority especially if only 2 of those are still having regular soiling accidents. These are small children who in many parts of the world would not even be in school yet, I think we expect way too much of our children at young ages generally but that is another thread entirely.

BabyGanoush · 09/07/2016 19:59

Can she jump (with both feet of the ground)?

You need to be able to do this to be physically ready to toilet train.

About her not knowing when to go, just make her go every hour for a few days.

It does take time and effort, but that is to be expected

detectiv · 09/07/2016 20:03

Jumping? Where's that from?

I'm not sure what magic "sign" the OP is waiting for. If they are old enough to understand that big girls wee in the toilet, and are NT, it's simply a case of getting on with it.

The longer you faff about in nappies and pull ups, the longer it takes.

Get her in knickers, and get going. There's no such thing as "gradually" when it comes to toilet training.

deadpool99 · 09/07/2016 20:03

I agree with fairylea.

Please ignore these judgemental people telling you to just get on with it. Until they have to deal with this situation they will not understand that some kids simply don't get it. Medical or SN problems are not necessarily obvious. It can takes years on the NHS to get any kind of medical or SN diagnosis.

AndNowItsSeven · 09/07/2016 20:09

Radical that depends where you live some areas such as Liverpool you can make a parental request which is guaranteed deferal until reception at anytime until August 31st.

detectiv · 09/07/2016 20:10

Look, I agree with Fairylea that uk kids start school too soon, but that's by the by to this thread. There is no reason an NT child will still be in nappies at 4. Or rather, it would be very unusual.

Of course there are reasons why non NT kids will be, that's a completely separate issue. Accounting for SN is nonsensical on a thread where the OP has said none exist.

Yes, if the child simply isn't getting it then the way forward is to speak to the teachers in September. Absolutely fine. But OP has to make sure she has done everything possible to train her child.

And I wonder whether "waiting for signs" is actually shorthand for "not really doing much"

RegTheMonkey1 · 09/07/2016 20:10

This is not going to be a post of much practical use, but I remember my mum (who brought up 5 children in the 30s, 40s and 50s, when there were NO disposable nappies and the terry ones had to be soaked in a bucket and then boiled) telling me that children then were potty trained much, much earlier than nowadays, because the disposable nappies make it much less hard work and so parents don't rush into it. In certain countries still today where disposable nappies are a luxury and terries are still used, the children are potty trained much earlier than in the west. Simply because it's such damned hard work.

kittykittykitty5 · 09/07/2016 20:11

If it is any help to you, I started putting mine in the cheapest crappiest nappies I could find. Taught them what being wet and dirty felt like.

I have always thought that the better nappies get the harder it is for parents to toilet train...

RegTheMonkey1 · 09/07/2016 20:11

I mean such damned work having to deal with washing tons of nappies instead of just chucking them away.

detectiv · 09/07/2016 20:12

But taking a nappy off a child isn't hard.

detectiv · 09/07/2016 20:13

Sorry my post was to kitty

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