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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD is starting school in September, but isn't toilet trained.

560 replies

BarkingMad12 · 09/07/2016 17:44

Hi. Not sure what to do. DD isn't toilet trained yet, we haven't rushed it at all and did wait until she showed signs, but she never did so we have slowly started trying more and more but it isn't going great. I'm worried as she's closer and closer to going to school.

Do I tell them? If so, when? Also, is she allowed to go? Even though she isn't trained? Advice would be great

OP posts:
clam · 09/07/2016 20:13

From the OP, it doesn't sound as though her dd has shown "not getting it." They just haven't really got around to it.
And of course schools don't want to be changing nappies in a reception class. Why would they? Have any of you ever been in a school?!

cuntinghomicidalcardigan · 09/07/2016 20:14

Not sure what jumping has to do with it...my dd trained completely the week before she turned 2 and has been dry and clean ever since, she only learnt how to jump when she was 3.

Op, if I were you I would dedicate a week at home, no trips or only minimal trips. Start with bare bum and a tshirt. Have a potty nearby and ask every 15 mins. Reward with chocolate buttons for every wee and poo in the potty. When she's getting it, try knickers and tshirt so still no trousers to get out of the way. When she gets that, add jogging bottoms or shorts that pull on with no fastenings and work on that.

2 months is loads of time but you'll need to focus.

bigkidsdidit · 09/07/2016 20:16

Both my DC were fully trained before they could jump.

kiwidreamer · 09/07/2016 20:19

If there is no medical or SN reasons then I agree with other posters that you need to focus on this over the summer and you should make decent progress, there will probably be accidents in the first term or two but she'll get the hang of it.

DS is a late summer born and was 95% TT by 3yrs but had wee accidents every 3/4 weeks up til Xmas of reception cos he was having such an awesome time he left peeing til the last minute!

Lots of people hate it but the Poo Fairy left lots of lovely presents for DS all wrapped up with bows and ribbons and every time he pooped on the toilet he could choose one to open, once he got the hang of it we down graded to a marshmallow and then a mini marshmallow and then he didn't even notice when that stopped after a few weeks.

detectiv · 09/07/2016 20:19

Chocolate buttons didn't work for mine.

Arse touched porcelain and she wanted a chocolate button. Then huge tantrum when I said no you have to wee.

So we fucked that one off in the first three minutes and she weed in the toilet just because that's what you do. If you don't, you get wet legs and that's shit.

It took about 4 weeks, including a week on holiday where I did nothing but wash shitty knickers in the sink. You just have to do it.

2nds · 09/07/2016 20:21

We are in the same position, we've been potty training on and off for a year or so now and it's been very tough, though this last few days we've been getting somewhere with it.

My advice for what it's worth is keep going. I think with the Warmer weather now it will help.
Do you have friends who have kids of a similar age that use a potty or loo, can you borrow that child for a day and bring both kids to the toilet at the same time?

Or would the doll method work?

The past few days I've been bringing my DC to the potty as soon as she wakes up and she uses it but throughout the day I keep asking her to come to the potty with me even if she doesnt do anything. Yesterday she told me she needed the potty, that was the first time she did that.I have to say I've had good results lately partly because I've been more relaxed about the whole thing. You've got weeks before she goes to school keep trying and don't worry.

kiwidreamer · 09/07/2016 20:21

*lovely presents were a multi pack of cars split up and wrapped, schleich animals, multi pack of books wrapped individually

2nds · 09/07/2016 20:25

Also I agree with detectiv don't bother with the chocolate treat thing it does cause tantrums.

kiwidreamer · 09/07/2016 20:25

Oh and biggest tip is be consistent, go all in and don't go back, no pull ups etc get a travel potty, get fancy pants... DD hated the thought of making Elsa wet with her wee lol

Lurkedforever1 · 09/07/2016 20:26

It's absolutely right that dc can start school without being toilet trained, after all sn isn't always diagnosed before reception age, and nt dc can have emotional/ home life problems that mean they are late to be toilet trained. But I do think that parents have a duty to toilet train when none of those reasons are applicable, rather than take advantage of the rule. Ditto for dressing and other skills. Staff have enough to do with dc who genuinely need extra support with things, without having to spend time on dc who don't really need it.

Interestingly dc from deprived backgrounds are generally more independent, ime the 'too young/ not ready/ only 3/4/5/6'' is overwhelmingly a mc culture.

downright · 09/07/2016 20:28

Is she in daycare?

After the week washing shitty knickers I was about to throw in the towel. Then I realised once she was back at nursery I'd only really need to do 5 til bed and they'd do the rest Blush

I somehow found the will to continue...

2nds · 09/07/2016 20:32

Those of you whose child used a potty, Did you guys bring pottys out with you when you were out? Also is the second child easier to train?

alwaysonadiet1 · 09/07/2016 20:33

Ginger- have you ruled out constipation? It turned out to be the reason for my DD's frequent accidents. It can stop them feeling the need to pee.

frenchfancy81 · 09/07/2016 20:35

Cracking on I'd say. It is very unusual at our school to get children in Reception who aren't toilet trained. Imagine if none of the children were...nothing else would get done! Good luck!

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 09/07/2016 20:38

2nds - we had a PottettePlus which was fab for travelling with

43percentburnt · 09/07/2016 20:39

I agree cloth nappies help. Dd was in disposable and TT by 2.5. Ds in cloth fully trained (even during his 2/3 hour daytime nap) by age 2. He initiated toilet training by asking to use the potty, which was next to the toilet. We bought him nice pants and chocolate buttons and ditched the daytime nappies. DH stayed at home for 3/4 days then gradually went out more and more. We used a disposable pad thing on his car seat when we went on a 4 hour journey but he didn't need it as we stopped on route.

Wet and poo pants were not much more faff than cloth.

surely pull ups are absorbent so mask the wet feeling which must confuse children?

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 09/07/2016 20:40

alwaysonadiet - ruled out by GP, practice nurse, HV and School Nurse but it's only now we've been referred that I'm hoping an ultrasound will rule it out completely (though I don't think it is a problem in our case - I think it's an over active bladder with very, very low capacity...)

suit2845321oie · 09/07/2016 20:42

If she's nearly 4 with no SN you need to take it into your own hands and force the issue. Take her out if nappies and be prepared for accidents. There's no reason why a child of nearly 4 should not be toilet trained bar the odd accident if there are no associated needs.

Primaryteach87 · 09/07/2016 20:45

Although the school won't refuse to take her, unless their are special or medical needs it would be viewed as a parenting issue to be honest.

The school won't have the time or resources to toilet train her and simply won't have the expertise to support you (as 99.99% of children are toilet trained by reception).

Wishing you lots of easy, speedy toilet time!

Primaryteach87 · 09/07/2016 20:45

^there not their

43percentburnt · 09/07/2016 20:46

2nds - no - DH stayed close to home for the first 3/4 days. Then ventured into town etc but knew where the closest toilets were. We took him to the toilet before going out and on arrival! Bushes are always an option on a walk etc.

Second child easier? Depends on the child. We thought DS would take longer as everyone told us boys are harder to toilet train but he was 6 months younger than dd when he was dry.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 09/07/2016 20:46

We used the gina ford (yes yes I know, her) book for potty training for both DCs. You take a week, decide you are going to do it and get on with it. No putting nappies back on, unless bedtimes, that just confuses them. I wouldn't have thought the teacher or TA would be thrilled about having a child that wasn't trained because the parent was waiting for a sign that wasn't coming.

AppleMagic · 09/07/2016 20:47

We went cold turkey on nappies at 2.5 and Dd didn't get it until 3.5. So it's not always the method/parental effort, sometimes it's the child.

Alasalas2 · 09/07/2016 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twinkie1 · 09/07/2016 20:49

What a load of twaddle. DD is 3 this coming November, has been clean day and night at her instigation since January but cannot jump with both feet yet, 5 months later.

Kids are all different. DD1, no signs, youngest in year trained at 3.1yr but not dry at night till 4.

DS dry day and night at 2.8, he wanted to wear postman pat pants! No signs though. Just decided one day.

Stay in for a day, have a couple of potties around the house, lots of kitchen roll and Dettol spray, spare knickers and stickers for the reward chart, if she gets it, go out and have a treat at a local cafe so you're near a toilet and just see how it goes.

Good luck. Don't worry too much, their all different but you'll crack it with her.

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