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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD is starting school in September, but isn't toilet trained.

560 replies

BarkingMad12 · 09/07/2016 17:44

Hi. Not sure what to do. DD isn't toilet trained yet, we haven't rushed it at all and did wait until she showed signs, but she never did so we have slowly started trying more and more but it isn't going great. I'm worried as she's closer and closer to going to school.

Do I tell them? If so, when? Also, is she allowed to go? Even though she isn't trained? Advice would be great

OP posts:
Fairylea · 09/07/2016 18:10

www.eric.org.uk/Schools/Toilet_Training

BluePitchFork · 09/07/2016 18:12

with dc1 we took them to the shop, bought a toilet seat & a last pack of fancy pull ups.
then dc was told when this pack is finished there is no more.
dc was ready, just uncomfortable with the idea of change

RadicalPessimist · 09/07/2016 18:12

Right, well I would speak to the school about it now. Emphasise that you'll have a good go at cracking it over the summer but be clear that if she hasn't got it by September then they will need to put things in place. Legally they will have to take her regardless, but speaking to them now means they are aware it might be an issue and aren't taken by surprise when the new term starts.

Secondly, have a good go at cracking it. If you start now there is a good chance she'll get it over the summer. Don't mess about with pull ups (except for sleep). Take her shopping for some nice knickers (let her choose) and then talk about how she's going to wear them instead of nappies tomorrow. Take her to the loo regularly and give her lots of praise when she manages a wee. Good luck!

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 09/07/2016 18:13

Oddly enough, one of the things that helped my DD when she was little ( DS started school when my DD was 2.6) was the school toilets .

When she was nearly 3, we braved the not wearing pull ups for the journey (20 minute walk , I put her in the buggy) . She always asked DS to take her to the loo when she got there . The school were fine once all the DC had left.

Has she had a visit to the school? I worried about mine finding their way to a strange toilet but they were ok.
And, (my Top Tip) they didn't have loo roll in the cubicles (to stop them getting blocked) mine wouldn't remember to take some from the roll. I made sure they had enough paper tissues on them.

MrsDeVere · 09/07/2016 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaveSomeSpendSome · 09/07/2016 18:17

How about starting her next year at school instead of this year?

As shes so young i would delay starting her as i think you dont have alot of time really to fully crack toilet training.

SisterViktorine · 09/07/2016 18:21

Fairylea, all that accommodation IS possible. However, it's not OK if it's just because OP hasn't really had a good go at training her DD. Yes OP- it is late. My DS is August born too, late birthday is not a reason.

I am ultra sympathetic for a child with SN. I am a SN Teacher- so I get it.

EYFS staff do not need NT kids in nappies just because their families didn't realise it was time to get it sorted so didn't really try.

RadicalPessimist · 09/07/2016 18:21

How about starting her next year at school instead of this year?

That's just not possible at this stage Save. If the OP had wanted to defer Reception until 2017, she would have had to have put her case to the LA prior to the admissions deadline in January. If the OP was to defer now, it would mean her DC going straight into Yr 1 next September.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 09/07/2016 18:22

I'm a TA in Reception, let the school know in advance that there may be issues with her self care, I'd also say do your utmost to get her ready, which you will do clearly...

We have toilets easily accessible but it's very upsetting for some children to have to tell someone that they've wet or soiled themselves.

I've have to deal with toileting issues with an incontinent child and it's disruptive for them and the running of the class, sorry but it's true.

SaveSomeSpendSome · 09/07/2016 18:28

Sister

What a ignorant post!!

You can try all you want to toilet train a child but if they are not ready then you will FAIL!

Its not the ops fault her dd has no recognition when needing the toilet etc

Fairylea · 09/07/2016 18:29

Sisterv I am not suggesting people shouldn't try their best to toilet train their child before they start school, as I'm sure the op is aware and is trying her best. I do however feel people aren't aware of the responsibilities of school towards pupils who are not toilet trained, for whatever reason, and my posts were intended to reassure the op that if even despite her best efforts her dd is not trained it shouldn't be a barrier to attending school or being treated with respect, care and understanding.

SaveSomeSpendSome · 09/07/2016 18:30

Radical

Ahh i wasnt aware that you had to apply for them to not start school so far in advance.

I knew you could delay them starting but i honestly thought you just had to give maybe 2 months notice!

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 09/07/2016 18:30

Totally agree with Sister Viktorine. It is not fair on the class - children or teachers if a percentage of the children in the class aren't toilet trained by the age of 4/starting school. It takes valuable time out of the day and isn't fair to TA's who didn't sign up to be a nursery nurse to toddlers with regards to changing 13 nappies in a class of 30. Special needs are a different kettle of fish and I understand why some children may not be prepared. However as a nanny/childcare professional who has potty trained children I don't understand the philosophy that 1 day they'll just decide at age 6 to just do it. They need an adult to make a decision and teach/encourage them. In some instances it can be done in days in others it may take a little longer and yes there are regressions but I think it's part of the being able to go to school list - put coat on by self, go to the toilet unprompted, know their name etc.

Pengweng · 09/07/2016 18:32

My twins are august birthdays and start reception this September. One toilet trained herself at 2.5. The other one we didn't push as we didn't want to make her upset about it and make her not want to. She got to 3.5 and still had no idea she was having a wee until she had wet feet. So i decided she obviously needed to have wet feet for a bit. After a half term of wet floors and soggy socks she started to wee when i took her to the loo every two hours so she went back to nursery in pants. It took maybe another month of taking her before she started tellingme she neededto go. Now at nearly four she hasn't had any accidents at home or in school for a few weeks.

Sootica · 09/07/2016 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EarthboundMisfit · 09/07/2016 18:34

I would crack on asap and do proper toilet training. I am not a big Gina Ford fan but her toilet training method WORKS. It uses Smarties...was the first time I bribed my kids 😂😂😂.

It takes 2-3 days to do daytime training, mine had the occasional accident for about 2 weeks afterwards.

If it doesn't work for you, speak to your HV.

nancyclancy123 · 09/07/2016 18:35

You need to tell the school asap and then really try and get her dry over the summer. My dd is just coming to the end of reception, she has a diagnosis of ASD and her all round development has been significantly delayed. She is still in nappies and is showing no awareness (currently under a paediatrician/bladder & bowel specialist).
She has 1:1 support and at the moment I'm up at the school twice daily (more if she does a poo) to change her and sit her on the toilet.
My life at the moment revolves around this.

Littlefish · 09/07/2016 18:37

I agree with SisterViktorine.

I am an Early Years teacher and work with many children with SEN or very bad constipation who have long term, or short term continence issues. However, given staffing ratios in a reception class, we really do rely on the rest of the class being more or less independent with their toiletting when they start school.

You have 2 months until your dd starts school. I would talk to the health visitor and then just go all out to get her toilet trained before September.

GoblinLittleOwl · 09/07/2016 18:37

Start training her now, the summer is the best time.
If she is not trained by the time she starts, of course you need to tell them.

blowmybarnacles · 09/07/2016 18:38

Once she sees all the other children tripping off to the toilet, she'll get the hang of it. She won't want to be the one in nappies.

lljkk · 09/07/2016 18:40

I guess this isn't MN-approved, but tbh, I forced it with DC4. I knew he could hold for at least an hour (plenty nappy free time). He wasn't conscious himself, but I could see he had the ability So I found ways to coerce him to toilet train (not cruel, I promise). Not sure what signs you're looking for, though.

Littlefish · 09/07/2016 18:40

nancyclancy - why do you have to go up to school to change your dd when she poos? This is something your child's 1:1 support person should be doing.

Buggers · 09/07/2016 18:42

Get rid of the nappies, get some sticker charts up( I always make my own with dd, they take more notice if they helped making It) and get ready for lots of washing and wet floors! It sounds much more daunting than it really is, once their trained you won't understand why it seemed so stressful! Good luckWine.

SisterViktorine · 09/07/2016 18:42

I'm sorry Save but I do not think the OP has done everything she can to help her DD. She openly isn't even sure her DD 'should' be dry at this point. Luckily there is still plenty of time for her to follow the kind of plan Pengweng and Sootica suggest.

Pengweng · 09/07/2016 18:43

So basically i think you need to have another go at it. The more she pees her pants the closer she is too something clicking and her getting it. I would also speak to the school nurse now though and make them aware they may need to provide extra support. I've been there and it's hard i know. Hugs x

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