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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD is starting school in September, but isn't toilet trained.

560 replies

BarkingMad12 · 09/07/2016 17:44

Hi. Not sure what to do. DD isn't toilet trained yet, we haven't rushed it at all and did wait until she showed signs, but she never did so we have slowly started trying more and more but it isn't going great. I'm worried as she's closer and closer to going to school.

Do I tell them? If so, when? Also, is she allowed to go? Even though she isn't trained? Advice would be great

OP posts:
BusStopBetty · 09/07/2016 18:43

She doesn't have to start in September. You could always delay her start a bit if you think it would help.

Fairylea · 09/07/2016 18:45

Nancy you shouldn't be having to go to the school to change your child. Please see the link I posted upthread. Print this off and show it to the school. Also if your child has asd and continence issues you may wish to think about applying for an ehcp - see the ipsea website for information and advice.

Marynary · 09/07/2016 18:47

I'm not really sure what signs you are looking for. When I toilet trained my children, I just put knickers on them. It didn't take long for them to stop wetting themselves and using the toilet. I think it only took a fortnight for them to be completely dry when awake.

youarenotkiddingme · 09/07/2016 18:50

Nancy why are you going into school to change your DD?

Another here saying give it a go. You have 8 weeks. If it takes a month then it's best to start now than leave it closer to the time and her not be dry.

Voddy4 · 09/07/2016 18:56

The fact she does do a wee on the toilet is good, I would say just go for it. Pop her on pants and give it a good week or two of many accidents every day and she will be toilet trained in no time!

TeenAndTween · 09/07/2016 18:56

BusStop has made a good point. As a summer birthday you can defer her start until as late as Easter.

My DD2 was late at 3.5 due to motor skills and other issues. She didn't really show any signs she was ready, and we had tried before and she didn't get it so we stopped. We had been doing sit on potty at bath time etc for ages. We went all out with Gina Ford, nothing planned for the week, first 3 days was depressing but after that she cracked it.

deadpool99 · 09/07/2016 19:05

OP, would encourage you to ignore judgmental posts that are suggesting you have not tried hard enough. We had loads of problems with DCs toilet training and had to talk to senco and teacher when DC started school. School were lovely and very supportive. My DC has got a bit of SN (not obvious sensory problems) and we didn't know about SN when DC started school. DC just couldn't feel the sensation. Academically DC was doing well in class so SN was not obvious. I am not suggesting your DC has got any SN btw. Other causes of wetting can be hypermobilty and constipation/stool withholding.
See if you can find NHS paediatric continence service in the area to help you. You may have dog around for this as my GP or school nurse didn't know anything about it. We also had the refusal to poo on loo problem that another poster mentioned and they really helped us through that.
Flowers as I know how stressful this is

MrsBobDylan · 09/07/2016 19:07

IMO seeing signs isn't necessary if a child is NT. A week or more of no nappies, multiple pant changes, wee puddles everywhere and it'll just click at some point.

You need to crack on over the summer op.

deadpool99 · 09/07/2016 19:08

Ps. I have one DC who took years to get it, and one DC who got it in a few day so please don't think this is about the way you are training your DC. Different children are different

ChocolateButton15 · 09/07/2016 19:11

You still have time. My daughter never showed signs of being ready. I think it's because nappies are so absorbant she wasn't aware of weeing. I put her in knickers, explained big girls wear knickers. Put the potty near where she plays. I also got a travel potty (pottete plus - folding loo seat so they don't fall in the loo and you can insert a pottere padded plastic bag if there's no look around) and lots and lots of bribery. Sweets for wee and I bought a big toy she was allowed after cracking the potty. I would say start now and don't stop, it is stressful but ones it's done it's a relief. Just buy lots of knickers and when she has an accident say "next time we do wee wee on potty" nothing negative or emotive and wees on potty get lots of praise even if she hasn't sat on it of her own accord

HighwayDragon1 · 09/07/2016 19:14

At dds school parents have to go in and change nappies (for NT children) unless an EHCP is in place and agreed with the LA.

rubybleu22 · 09/07/2016 19:14

Agreed, you just need to stay home for a few days, and concentrate on it, then take her out on short journeys, wee before you go, wee when you get there, same in reverse, its really easy to fall into the trap of just putting a nappy on because you need to go out, or busy, from tomorrow just take the nappy away in the day completely, you will get puddles on the carpet, car seat sofa etc, but stick with it, and make a big fuss when she wees on the toilet, I bet you will have the worse part over with inside a week at her age, if you really stick at it, but don't worry if u don't, speak to the school, they cant help if they don't know....let us know how you get on.....good luck

nancyclancy123 · 09/07/2016 19:14

Thanks for your replies regarding my dd.
According to her paediatrician he said 'it is a grey area'. We are due to see him again soon so I'll mention it and look inky an ehcp.
I know that the school in the next village would take her and support her needs (I know someone who works there). But she's so happy and secure at her current one, my other children all went to the same school (no toileting issues) and I'd feel gutted moving her, but sadly I'm not sure how long we can continue really.

hotdiggedy · 09/07/2016 19:15

Yes, it is disruptive for a reception age child to keep having toilet accidents. There are really very few children who are still in nappies or arent toilet trained when they enter reception unless they have some other needs.

It is unfair to expect the class staff and maybe office staff to deal with toilet training your child. Yes, they will have to deal with changing your child and clearing it all up but it will put lots of pressure on them. You must do everything you can now to get it sorted. Even if it means wet patches all over your floor in the meantime! Its summer so should be easier. Sorry if that sounds harsh. Also, like it or not, children will notice and say something about the nappies.

nancyclancy123 · 09/07/2016 19:17

Another reason for not wanting to move her is because she's got a great bunch of class mates who really look out for her, it might not be the same at another school.

maddy236 · 09/07/2016 19:17

Not sure if this will help, but we did a 'potty birthday' for my daughter....built it up, telling her a few days before we started, got friends to send some cards, bought some knickers etc to wrap and made the first day special with fun activities etc we could do staying at home. Had the potty in the living room for the first week, and got her to sit on regularly. Lots of accidents to start with, but by day 3 she had 'got it' (reward system rely helped too!). Then once she had got it, we moved the potty closer to the toilet each day until it was in the bathroom. I am sure she will get it with practice over a few days, just a it boring staying in! Good luck!

deadpool99 · 09/07/2016 19:20

Forgot to say that DC didn't go in with a nappy. Just used to go into school wet self. DC would then have spare pants to change into, wipes to clean self up and nappy sacks to put wet pants in. Not nice for DC. Thankfully it doesn't happen now.

SummerHouse · 09/07/2016 19:21

The way for us was just going with pants. Just try for a week and best of luck.

Owlytellsmesecrets · 09/07/2016 19:21

Unless you have an ECHP in place you will need to go to school to change nappies.
Crack on with the training.
My DS was only trained by 3 when he was due to start nursery we started trading in the summer and it took 2 weeks exactly !!!
We waited as we has DS2 with SN

namechangingagainagain · 09/07/2016 19:21

Well I have 3 NT children.
2 dry day and night at 2 1/2 yrs. Put them in pants few accidents and that was that.
Middle child not so much! Luckily he had a September birthday but even then it was halfway into yr 1 when he got it reliably and he's still wet every morning. We saw the specialists.... no definite medical issues......just didn't realise when his bladder was full.

Things that helped were the teacher being aware and prompting for him to go to the toilet at break times etc. Have a look at the ERIC website. There may be things there you haven't tried yet.
Before having him I thought parents of children who weren't toilet trained when they started school were lazy. I'm now far more sympathetic.

bigkidsdidit · 09/07/2016 19:24

You need to just get on with it. My two never showed 'signs' - I find the MN focus on them quite odd. I just set aside a week for it, went cold turkey into pants and mopped a lot! They both got it. You need to go for it whole- heartedly for a while and see where you are. You have plenty of time.

deadpool99 · 09/07/2016 19:24

ERIC have vibrating watches that you can time to remind child to go to loo at set intervals.

DuckWaddle · 09/07/2016 19:29

I know someone in exactly the Sam position as you so don't feel like you're the only one. I would focus on this over the summer though to see if you can get her a close to trained as poss

Lunar1 · 09/07/2016 19:30

Have you just stopped with nappies and really committed to it at any point. I faffed about with pull-ups, special pants, nappy off for a few hours thinking ds1 wasn't ready. But when I got rid of everything and made a decision to stick with it we had a hideous 2 days then improved every day and was dry within 10 days.

I think his barrier was my procrastination more than anything!

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 09/07/2016 19:31

3+ years out of nappies and my DD still has daily accidents. In the month before starting school these were still puddle sized. Now (approaching end of Reception) they are mostly small. She has absolutely zero urge to go, no bladder awareness at all. Despite chasing HCPs for 18 months we are only now on the waiting list to see a paediatrician. It drives me crazy when people say "just put them in knickers" because it's simply not always that straightforward! My biggest piece of advice is to get your DD getting herself tidied up and changed after accidents now, so she is well capable of it by September. Lots of spare knickers and socks/tights plus a "wet bag" for damp clothes. Keep in regular touch with school and get yourself a referral to your school nurse as soon as she starts

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