DD is starting school in September, but isn't toilet trained.

[BarkingMad12]

Hi. Not sure what to do. DD isn't toilet trained yet, we haven't rushed it at all and did wait until she showed signs, but she never did so we have slowly started trying more and more but it isn't going great. I'm worried as she's closer and closer to going to school.

Do I tell them? If so, when? Also, is she allowed to go? Even though she isn't trained? Advice would be great

The OP is perfectly capable of spending time online, I suspect she (and partner) watch TV, take trips to the park, etc. They do have time to train their child to go to the toilet, it's pure laziness.

There are hundreds of children who have feckless clueless parents who don't do the necessary things to enable their child to be independent of them. It's lazy.

Of course there are children who have a variety of needs who are excluded from NT expectations , but when it comes to potty training most parents by the time their kids are three nearly for have tried and tried and tried and then sought professional help if their kid isn't toilet trained.

Get these for toilet training
www.mothercare.com/Mothercare-Trainer-Pants-3pk/LG0614,default,pd.html
I think the problem lies with the disposable nappies. The children don't even know the sensation of being wet so don't know there's a problem. There is no incentive from their pointif view to be trained.

My daughter could read before she started school at 2 years and 11 months. I certainly didn't "hot house" her.

But - because she didn't walk until she was 2 - and not confidently until she was around 2.4 we spent hours and hours reading and drawing and doing what SHE wanted to do.

What were the benefits? No idea, other than when she wanted to read I helped her. She still maintains her absolute adoration of reading so it clearly wasn't the worst thing ever

yes ,the word "worthy" came up for me too along with "distain".

I am genuinely interested in the idea of a 2 year old reading. How does this work? Also how can a 2 year old do subtraction? puzzled really

what is a rich educational environment? How does that work if you don't speak English and are very poor?

Why would being poor and not English prevent someone from providing a rich educational environment?!

so outline rich educational environment for a child pre Reception

Big cups of tea, fresh smelling hand spray and air freshener to you both.

I hope it makes both of you feel slightly better to know that there are others who are going through similar (ds now needs industrial sized wipes, and I have developed a handwashing and air freshening routine bordering on the psychotic).

I also hope it makes you feel slightly better to know that some of us who work with children (I work in a preschool) look at changing nappies as just another part of looking after children, and one that should be done with dignity and kindness. It is often a time when we will sing a song or count things we can see or we chat about stuff, and I know that ds's TAs use humour and tell stories while changing him (he can get quite upset when being changed)

Rich educational environment

Talked to
Read to
Stuff to play with
Access to play outside
Someone who will engage with child and play/chat/goof around with (could be sibling, parent, friends, grandparents)

Stuff like that

It's the judging I hate. At the end of the day we are all doing our best. My nt child trained at 3, my dd with autism trained at three and my youngest who is non verbal and has autism at three is trained though we have to take her and remind her when out and she's just getting the pulling down of her trousers as she can't talk. I do get that you find lazy parents who make no effort but there's a lot of parents who throw everything at it and it still doesn't work. Parenting isn't an easy ride but I think the ones who post probably aren't the lazy parents they're the ones that care. My three year old for love nor money will not wear shoes. Everyone has their own struggles and I get looks and comments and it's a pain especially as I do think it takes a village to raise a child.

Op, if you're still here keep trying as calmly as you can because if a child senses a battle it can be a nightmare. I appreciate the schools have a lot to deal with as they're stretched and I say that as my middle child has a 1:1 but have a word with the teachers and do your best.

Miaow please don't cry. She's got another year. It's a huge proportion of her preschool life still ahead of her.

My only advice is to make a conscious effort to shrug it off. The head's coments - well you have done more than "at least try", you've put a lot of work in already. Tick. Your neighbour's comments: people are dicks all the time. They say boys mustn't play with dolls, or no child over age 2 should be in a buggy, or dummies are unremittingly awful. Judgement every time, and bollocks to boot, often said by people who've no real experience (eg buggy judgers who drive everywhere and never walk a 4 mile school run with a 3 year old. Those who've tried it get it, and don't judge.) Small children are just small children and we muddle through the best we can.

None of which makes shit wiping any less awful.

big hugs Miaow

TheRealPosie you made an almost identical post several pages ago and no one bit then so I'm assuming the reason for posting it again is just to wind folk up. All i can say is I issued a challenge on my first post. so you know, if you fancy an easy £500 for doing something that is such an piece of piss while I sit on my lazy arse, then I live in Leeds, when can I expect you?

so kids who do not have a rich educational environment are deemed to have additional needs?

So if they are ignored because Mum has depression or not spoken to because parents work 12 hour shifts and child minder is rubbish or come from a cultural background where books in English are not encouraged, they are SN?

Miaow I don't even know what a single letter phoneme is so you have over on me there but otherwise, yeah, my kid is quite bright too. He can spell his name, count to 100, he can do simple additions. He just also like crapping his pants sadly!

I'm a bit bemused that children learning to read = them being chained to a desk and never going out to play. Last time I looked it wasn't a mutually exclusive kind of thing. Plus who can play outside all the time in the UK? You need something to do when you're trapped indoors

Randomer - Yes a children may have additional needs because of the reasons you have given. Additional needs can be because of disability but they can be for other reasons to and the additional needs may only be temporary.

bloody hell...there must be a tiny minority of not additional needs...its quite potty

Why? If those things you mention in your list impact on a child's development or learning then they will need some extra support - those things might not impact on their learning or development though.

If a child is struggling for whatever reason then they will need some support. It is a good thing that there is more access to support now and we are more aware of children who need that support.

This is one of the reasons why "NT" is so ridiculous when used to mean "the set of children whose parents I will judge if they still have toiletting issues by the time they start school"