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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thrown out of parenting FB group. WIBU?

294 replies

FuckingVipers · 30/06/2016 08:09

I attend a local baby activity with DD (think nursery rhymes and bouncing) and in an attempt to make some friends with babies the same age I joined the Facebook group some of them had set up. It all seemed fairly innocuous for a few weeks but now I've been shunned.

Yesterday one of the people from the group posted. She said her 12 week old DS had seemed a bit hungry so she'd given him a few spoonfuls of tinned tomatoes with pesto. Since then he'd been unsettled so basically she'd decided to fully wean him and wanted everyone's opinion.

I tried so hard not to hoik up my judgey pants but I couldn't help it. I calmly commented telling her why it was a bad idea and you know, tinned tomatoes and pesto aren't so good. I was calm.

Then the backlash! "Omg hun u know ur own baby! U know what's best!"

Everyone attacked me for not being supportive. It got pretty nasty. Not one person agreed with me and by the end the consensus was that every baby should pretty much be weaned before birth and possibly before conception if you think it's best.

I got thrown out of the group and sent a message telling me I shouldn't go back to the group. They're not the organisers, just people who attend. The group is this afternoon and I don't know if I should go.

WIBU? WWYD?

OP posts:
MyBreadIsEggy · 30/06/2016 08:11

You were not U in the slightest.
Unfortunately, you can't reason with stupid when the stupid is that deeply ingrained in people Hmm

MollyTwo · 30/06/2016 08:11

Yanbu but to be honest I wouldn't have said anything. It's her baby, so she can feed him whatever she wants.

branofthemist · 30/06/2016 08:11

While I agree with your point I think ywbu to express it.

There is another parenting forum that i was part of 5 years ago. It was similar to this.

Personally I wouldn't go back. It's going to be shitty for you. Forget about them.

Suzietwo · 30/06/2016 08:12

Do you want to?

dementedpixie · 30/06/2016 08:13

Tomatoes and pesto would be very stupid things to give babies as both can be allergenic. I'd go to the group as long as there are others there that you can talk to

Minimalteserbunny · 30/06/2016 08:13

Seriously? Why do you even want to spend time with these people?
I mean pesto and tinned tomatoes WTAF Shock
That poor baby good for you for speaking up
If you like the group go, people are less confrontational in real life

AddictedtoGreys · 30/06/2016 08:13

YANBU. She wanted everyone's opinion but got one she didn't like.

Cakescakescakes · 30/06/2016 08:13

A mum I met at a baby group weaned her baby onto fruit pouches at 6 weeks old. She was on maternity leave but her job was looking after other people's young babies. Terrifying.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 30/06/2016 08:14

I would go and explain to who ever organises it that the group members tried to throw you out

Assuming it's a proper group

Wyldfyre · 30/06/2016 08:14

I'd go - fuck them. As you say they are not the organisers, they are trying to be the adult equivalent of the cool kids telling you you can't sit on the back seat of the bus!
And FWIW I agree with you that feeding that to a 12 week old is daft (I thought you were BU until I went back and checked the age)

Original poster
FuckingVipers · 30/06/2016 08:14

DD enjoys it so I don't want her to lose out. I know I can recreate at home but she'll miss the socialising!

I know she can feed her DS whatever she wants but he's 12 weeks. Poor thing!

OP posts:
CaptainCrunch · 30/06/2016 08:14

Hmmm, you should have read the room and realised you were on a hiding to nothing with your opinion. Frankly if this is the way they behave when their views are challenged I'm not sure why you would want to hang around with them.

TweeterandtheMonkeyman · 30/06/2016 08:14

Ha ha! You should NEVER offer your opinions on weaning or breastfeeding to a group of other new mothers. Rookie mistake! And really, I know it's not great, but the kid will probably make it to adulthood dispite a bit of pesto.

Maybe find a local group more in tune with your style of parenting?

Ilovenannyplum · 30/06/2016 08:14

What kind of complete idiot feeds their 12 week old baby tomatoes and pesto??!
Madness.

I think still go if you want too, if they aren't the organisers of the group how can they have any authority?

I am so shocked at that, I'd love to look inside some peoples strange minds ConfusedShock

Littleballerina · 30/06/2016 08:15

I'd go back with my head held high.
Such idiots.

Whathaveilost · 30/06/2016 08:16

What's the point of asking everyone's opinion and then getting upset when you get it? Confused

I used to hate baby activity groups because the only thing I had in common with them as was that we all had given birth.

Your opinion wasn't wrong.
I would leave the FB and never go to the group again. You've lost nowt!

Sighing · 30/06/2016 08:17

I'd stay clear. They're expressing a pack mentality. .. you'll be better off without.
Going forward you are better off 1. Without anyone referring to you in the catty 'hun' fashion and 2. Avoid all baby advice ever.
I was on a fbook baby group but left after some catty messages to me (still not sure why). Noone needs that shite.

Arfarfanarf · 30/06/2016 08:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cheby · 30/06/2016 08:18

YANBU OP. In fact I'd probably be calling her HV. I'm fed up of hearing 'it's her baby, she can feed when she likes' when people are doing actively dangerous stuff and making their kids ill. If the HV doesn't think it's worth bothering with then that's where it will end. If she thinks it's a concern she'll have a word.

Original poster
FuckingVipers · 30/06/2016 08:20

I think I'll steer clear of the group today then. Can't be doing with the childish behaviour.

OP posts:
Whathaveilost · 30/06/2016 08:21

DD enjoys it so I don't want her to lose out. I know I can recreate at home but she'll miss the socialising
Oh give over! How old is she if she is going to a baby group? A few months old?
There are loads of things you can do with a baby that doesn't involved crap like this.

Witchend · 30/06/2016 08:34

It depends on how you answered.
"I wouldn't because I would be worried because of the allergy risk"
Would be fine.
A long article highlighting several reasons why it's a bad idea ending with "... And that's why I will be waiting until 6 months because I want the best for my baby"
Is inflammatory.

At one of the baby groups I went to there was one mum who liked to lecture the group on how what she was doing which was naturally the only and best way (and sometimes wrong). She upset a lot of mums by her attitude.

ChocChocPorridge · 30/06/2016 08:35

Tinned tomatoes and pesto at 12 weeks.. that's an interesting choice...

I'd go back if you and your daughter like it, as long as that's just a few of the mums kicking off, not all of them (I bet any of the sane ones watched it happening and took a big step back, so the only danger is they don't come either)

Mind you, we do all make poor decisions, we gave DS some of our lentil stew when he was 8 months old. He loved it while eating it, but he was in awful, windy, intestinal distress all night the poor thing, so we didn't do that again for a fair few years!

Sellingyesterdaysnews · 30/06/2016 08:37

Sing nursery rhymes at home. Block each and every one of them on fb.

WeekendAway · 30/06/2016 08:40

I think you totally need to calm down about giving a baby solids at 12 weeks. It will do him NO harm whatsoever to have solids at that age and the advice these days is to wean VERY late compared to compared to when we, our parents and our grandparents were all born and I can't see that it's had any catastrophic effect on the rest of us.

However, tinned tomatoes and pesto is not a sensible choice at all as a first food so on that score I agree with you, it was an odd thing to do. But I don't judge the woman AT ALL for feeling it's time to wean her baby.

I think to say whether you were were being U or they were, we need to know exactly what you said and whether you came across as being too critical or hysterical about it.

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