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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thrown out of parenting FB group. WIBU?

294 replies

FuckingVipers · 30/06/2016 08:09

I attend a local baby activity with DD (think nursery rhymes and bouncing) and in an attempt to make some friends with babies the same age I joined the Facebook group some of them had set up. It all seemed fairly innocuous for a few weeks but now I've been shunned.

Yesterday one of the people from the group posted. She said her 12 week old DS had seemed a bit hungry so she'd given him a few spoonfuls of tinned tomatoes with pesto. Since then he'd been unsettled so basically she'd decided to fully wean him and wanted everyone's opinion.

I tried so hard not to hoik up my judgey pants but I couldn't help it. I calmly commented telling her why it was a bad idea and you know, tinned tomatoes and pesto aren't so good. I was calm.

Then the backlash! "Omg hun u know ur own baby! U know what's best!"

Everyone attacked me for not being supportive. It got pretty nasty. Not one person agreed with me and by the end the consensus was that every baby should pretty much be weaned before birth and possibly before conception if you think it's best.

I got thrown out of the group and sent a message telling me I shouldn't go back to the group. They're not the organisers, just people who attend. The group is this afternoon and I don't know if I should go.

WIBU? WWYD?

OP posts:
WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 30/06/2016 11:50

You can't argue with stupidity. I wouldn't go back to the group. Find another with like minded (sane) people. Life's too short.

DancingDinosaur · 30/06/2016 11:58

I mix pesto and tinned tomatoes (along with other stuff) for pasta sauce sometimes. It tastes quite nice. I assume the mother does something similar and gave the baby a bit of the sauce.

myusernamewastaken · 30/06/2016 12:01

Better to be shunned than hunned lol x

dolkapots · 30/06/2016 12:01

Dancing I can see how tomato+pesto as part of a sauce are perfectly logical ingredients. As a baby food on it's own? I would have thought an unsettled/hungry baby would benefit more from the filling nature of potato or another starchy veg. I can't see it doing any harm though although the nappy after that meal would be very interesting.

NotBadConsidering · 30/06/2016 12:06

RatSandmIce

You're right I meant 10mg per 100g. Although that's not 0.1g per 100g it's 0.01g per 100g.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 30/06/2016 12:09

There are varied opinions on early weaning but if you ask for thoughts from a group of mothers you need to be expect to receive a range of views and accept that not everyone will agree with your own approach.
Ostracising a person with opposing views to your own, particularly if they are put forward in a calm and rational way, and banning them from the group is immature and narrow minded.

greedygorb · 30/06/2016 12:11

Baby groups can be vicious. Like Mean Girls on post natal hormones. Never ever give any opinion on child rearing as someone will take it as a personal insult. Never ever tell them how you're doing it as someone will take that as a personal insult. Seek out the at least one other like minded soul who looks like she'd rather be poking sticks in her eyes than sitting there and have a laugh.

FuriousFate · 30/06/2016 12:18

Make sure the organisers are aware of the actions of these idiots - if it was a group I ran, I'd ban them and welcome you back with open arms! What right do they have to dictate whether or not you take your baby to class? How childish. And as for the food for the baby - dear God. What fools. Pity those poor children with mothers like that.

notamummy10 · 30/06/2016 12:20

I hate posts like this, the woman is definitely being unreasonable!! My guess is that she posted to gain attention and was looking for all of the right comments, the comeback 'all you know your child' is immature too!!

Rather than taking it upon herself to wean her baby at 12 weeks (that's far too early, their digestive system is nowhere ready for food yet so they only need the milk), why didn't she a) up the ozs (if he's being bottlefed)/switch to a hungrier milk or b) seek medical advice if she was worried!!

Tinned tomatoes aren't exactly nutritious with the added sugar, neither is pesto with the salt and dairy from the Parmesan (doesn't some pestos contain nuts too?). So there is a risk of allergies there too!

PerryHatter · 30/06/2016 12:31

Even if OP went, 'are you being fucking serious? You're feeding your 12 week old baby tomatoes and pesto and asking if this is ok?!' She wouldn't be being unreasonable. That poor baby, can't think why he was uncomfortable after, must've been hungry for more Hmm

AddictedtoSnickers · 30/06/2016 12:33

I'm just picturing this woman staring at her cupboards looking for something she can spoon into her tiny baby......hmm pesto......bingo!! Wow!

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 30/06/2016 12:41

OP I'm sure your response was perfectly measured and non-judgemental and you weren't unreasonable at all.

I can't help but laugh at the posters saying report them to the organisers. Seriously, what do you think they're going to do? Give them a detention or isolation? And as for banning half a dozen or more paying customers in support of one, however right that one is, it's never going to happen.

Best thing you can do OP is walk away, find another group and never get in to group discussions like that again!

WannaBe · 30/06/2016 12:41

I'm sure this really happened. (Hmm)

Numberoneisgone · 30/06/2016 12:44

Please go back to the group OP. You can be guaranteed that at least some other mother on that FB group was thinking the exact same as you. Don't leave her at the mercy of these idiots.

GoblinLittleOwl · 30/06/2016 12:50

People ask for advice, it is offered and then they take offence because it is not what they want to hear.
Sounds like mumsnet.
Report the unpleasant emails and the threat to throw you out of the group to the organisers, and then decide if you still want to attend.
It is frightening to think that these women are mothers.

Lweji · 30/06/2016 12:55

I'm just picturing this woman staring at her cupboards looking for something she can spoon into her tiny baby......hmm pesto......bingo!! Wow!

Maybe it was either that or hummus.

nuttymango · 30/06/2016 12:59

YABU. Advice on weaning children and on feeding nuts changes all the time. When I had #1 it was no nuts and solids at 12 week. By #2 it was nuts are fine and solids at 6 month, next time round it was all baby led weaning and nuts are a good idea to eat when pregnant and before a year old.

I made my own decision about what to eat and what food to offer and when.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 30/06/2016 13:02

She was cooking and he looked hungry
Let's hope he didn't look thirsty when she was sipping on her red wine afterwards. Grin

TheLittleRedHen · 30/06/2016 13:03

One thing that I learned as a parent is that just because other people are parents doesn't mean that you have to be friends.

Hope you find a nicer bunch of mums to be friends with - have you tried your local NCT or SureStart? TinyTalk classes are nice too.

Snowflakes1122 · 30/06/2016 13:03

They sound like a bunch of thick people anyway! Hate "Hun" phrase.

What idiot gives a small baby tinned tomatoes and pesto? Shock

Original poster
FuckingVipers · 30/06/2016 13:03

wannabe it happened!

Thrown out of parenting FB group. WIBU?
OP posts:
Cantusethatname · 30/06/2016 13:06

Do you want friends like this? Try another group. Your baby won't miss these people.
I have never forgotten a poor baby who was weaned early onto mashed potato and Bisto gravy. He died of kidney failure and wouid be 17 now.

busymumtime · 30/06/2016 13:09

Dipping a dummy in gravy???? Shock

I think you're well out of it, OP.

TheLittleRedHen · 30/06/2016 13:14

Warning after salt kills baby Sad

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 30/06/2016 13:14

They are uneducated idiots and you will be better of without them as friends.

It's a shame you aren't going to the group as they will see it as 'victory' and they are free to tell people what the hell they can and can't do. Who do they think they are ffs!

I love the 'hun' code. Grin Their replies clearly state they are part of that.