Thrown out of parenting FB group. WIBU?

[FuckingVipers]

I attend a local baby activity with DD (think nursery rhymes and bouncing) and in an attempt to make some friends with babies the same age I joined the Facebook group some of them had set up. It all seemed fairly innocuous for a few weeks but now I've been shunned.

Yesterday one of the people from the group posted. She said her 12 week old DS had seemed a bit hungry so she'd given him a few spoonfuls of tinned tomatoes with pesto. Since then he'd been unsettled so basically she'd decided to fully wean him and wanted everyone's opinion.

I tried so hard not to hoik up my judgey pants but I couldn't help it. I calmly commented telling her why it was a bad idea and you know, tinned tomatoes and pesto aren't so good. I was calm.

Then the backlash! "Omg hun u know ur own baby! U know what's best!"

Everyone attacked me for not being supportive. It got pretty nasty. Not one person agreed with me and by the end the consensus was that every baby should pretty much be weaned before birth and possibly before conception if you think it's best.

I got thrown out of the group and sent a message telling me I shouldn't go back to the group. They're not the organisers, just people who attend. The group is this afternoon and I don't know if I should go.

WIBU? WWYD?

I agree with MrsK's advice, go back to the group and make light of the whole thing.
I'm willing to bet some people in that group agreed with your opinion but we're too afraid to go against the tide and probably secretly admire your stance. However, you need to put it all to bed now and diffuse the situation.

If I were you, I'd find another group asap or give the whole mother and baby groups thing a swerve. I hated that sort of thing when mine were little. I always thought there was an undercurrent of bitchiness and competitive parenting.

CodewordRochambeau

There's actually more sodium in a tin of tomatoes than pesto (10mg per 100mg compared to 3mg per 100mg in my cupboard).

Sodium content is one of the reasons why starting solids before 4 months isn't a good idea, plus the risk of replacing appropriate nutrition i.e. milk. From an allergy perspective babies should be introduced to "allergy" type foods early: egg, dairy, peanut butter etc. Studies published earlier this year have shown it's protective to do so and debunked the myths that avoidance is best. See this paper from the Leap trial from earlier this year: www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa1414850

On those subjects you don't give a personal opinion. You show official recommendations.

If the level of discussion was similar to "weaning before birth", then I see how you upset them, and it might have little to do with your opinion, but how you presented it.

Cannot believe this sort of things happen in RL. You gave your opinion on something what's with the overreaction from their side. Take your baby to another group.

no loss. steer clear of the idiots I say. There are loads of baby groups uot there if that's your thing and you can find another one I'm sure.

Your DD is a baby - she really won't care.

I'd be like MrsKoala and brazen it out.

I'd also speak to organiser depending on whether the face book group was named same as group.

reality is the baby would have had tiny amounts of tomato and pesto.
they dont suddenly eat whole tins.

so not good and not advisable but very doubtful the baby was suddenly eating a plateful of tomato and pesto. probably a tiny taste no more

doesnt sound like a group you want to be in tho - just go along to the singing group smile and wave and be done. look for alternative groups til you find your tribe

This link, while not from PubMed, is interesting and implies that between 4-6 months is probably okay for initiating weaning.

scienceofmom.com/2016/05/03/whats-up-with-the-virgin-gut-do-babies-really-have-an-open-gut-until-6-months-of-age/

Worth a read IMO.

I've seen baby groups like this, they breed ignorance like maggots.

At this age..I would bear in mind you are all very tired.Many worry about doing it right for various reason.

Your DD at this age is not interested in others...These groups are for mums..I probably would go back today but not again..Find myself somewhere I feel more comfortable..

Without your exact words hard to know if you came across as judgemental but I don't think this is a group of people you fit in with.

I would also advise you to learn your audience..Some pople don't really want advice just want you to validate what they say..Someone who weans on tomatoes and pesto is not someone looking for advice.

Tbh, I'd probably send a message to the organisers and talk to them about what has happened. This is a group of bullies, bullying someone who could be quite emotionally vulnerable (because new mothers often are). And if something like that happened in the toddler group I help run I'd bloody well want to know so I could make it clear that bullying of any kind won't be tolerated.

My first two starting weaning at 12 weeks on government advice but it was very bland baby rice, merely one spoonful a day, with formula. They didn't start true weaning until six months. Basically until then it was bland foods mixed with formula, like a thick sauce.

My third was not weaned until six months, again on government advice. Started him off on the same regime and by eight months introduced more tastier foods.

It's crazy to give a baby of three months such a diet. His kidneys and liver cannot cope with it.

YANBU. Hope you find a group that better suits you and your babies needs.

She posted and wanted opinions and then took the huff when people actually, you know - gave them?!
YADNBU in the slightest, 12 weeks is too early to be weaning, and even when you do start weaning it's a bad idea to start off with tomatoes and pesto, as could easily allergic or even just unsettled after that as it's not exactly bland food to start off on, is it?
As for the berks all hunning that it's her choice, they sound just as daft as she is. Console yourself that you're the only sane one and ignore them.

I would screenshot the conversation (if you still can) and go back to the group and give it to the organisers. They have no right to dictate who should and shouldn't attend the group.

The salt content is too high for a baby of that age. It's really not something that's 'ur babe, ur roolz hun'

Was going to say, with my first back in the 1990s the advice was generally "wean from four months" - but even in those dark ages, pesto and tomatoes would have been a bit of a no - bit of baby rice only.

I'd go to baby group anyway - most people used to ignore me anyway but DD liked it.

Your comment has obviously caused a stir. I wonder if that means they'll remember it if/when the poor child has trouble with food intolerances in future..... they'll probably be even angrier with you if your warning comes true though. Unreasonable but there it is.

you are better off without friends this thick and bitch, fuck em

I PROMISE YOU you can find better friends

I would go back too. I agree that there are probably others who agreed with you. You have nothing to be ashamed of. If she didn't want opinions then she shouldn't have asked for them.

Perhaps you should go back today just so you can feel secretly smug when little Johnny starts projectile vomiting his tomato and pesto breakfast in the middle of Wind the Bobbin on.

This is why I hate 1) FB and 2) Cliquey mummy's groups.

You are better off rid!

Go back. Don't let a bunch of small minded idiots force you out. I remember those early days of desperately needing to find something to do on at least three days of the week so we had somewhere to go and adults to talk to.

But yes, find another group setting as soon as possible.

I hope the babys nappy explodes spectacularly today.

I attend a local baby activity with DD (think nursery rhymes and bouncing) and in an attempt to make some friends with babies the same age

This.
If you joined to make friends and these people have such different values to you, you need to move on and find a more intellectually compatible group

Never ever give your opinion on another's parenting unless it's actually abusive op. Rookie mistake.

I weaned my first 2 at 3 months as per the guidelines of the time and they survived.

They are guidelines not set in stone.

However she's an idiot.

Find another group of its rhythm tint there's loads.

I'd speak yo the local hv and tip them off about certain people (no need to mention names) and the group. If only for the risk to the baby with the amount of sodium they will consume. Try and find another group. I find it difficult myself so wish you all the best.

Life is too short - go find people you like to spend time with.

Important life lesson - Facebook mum's groups are not the same as mumsnet.