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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thrown out of parenting FB group. WIBU?

294 replies

FuckingVipers · 30/06/2016 08:09

I attend a local baby activity with DD (think nursery rhymes and bouncing) and in an attempt to make some friends with babies the same age I joined the Facebook group some of them had set up. It all seemed fairly innocuous for a few weeks but now I've been shunned.

Yesterday one of the people from the group posted. She said her 12 week old DS had seemed a bit hungry so she'd given him a few spoonfuls of tinned tomatoes with pesto. Since then he'd been unsettled so basically she'd decided to fully wean him and wanted everyone's opinion.

I tried so hard not to hoik up my judgey pants but I couldn't help it. I calmly commented telling her why it was a bad idea and you know, tinned tomatoes and pesto aren't so good. I was calm.

Then the backlash! "Omg hun u know ur own baby! U know what's best!"

Everyone attacked me for not being supportive. It got pretty nasty. Not one person agreed with me and by the end the consensus was that every baby should pretty much be weaned before birth and possibly before conception if you think it's best.

I got thrown out of the group and sent a message telling me I shouldn't go back to the group. They're not the organisers, just people who attend. The group is this afternoon and I don't know if I should go.

WIBU? WWYD?

OP posts:
Balletgirlmum · 30/06/2016 10:53

He was 3 months old

Shouldwestayorshouldwegonow · 30/06/2016 10:53

Not sure the hv could do anything about this. Especially without a name and feel that would be ridiculously ott and interfering.

Original poster
FuckingVipers · 30/06/2016 10:53

Tomatoes are acidic. Pesto is rich. Both likely to aggrevate reflux.

OP posts:
Balletgirlmum · 30/06/2016 10:54

Salt is not added to tomatoes. They naturally contain high levels of sodium.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 30/06/2016 10:57

Given that this mum was actively seeking other mums' opinions on her food of choice you ANBU - seems she just wanted opinions that supported the tinned tomato and pesto diet not genuinely wanting to hear what others' thoughts were. Silly playground behaviour from the other mums - they sound rather limited. I still seek advice from other parents and mine are 15 and 17 - they need to get over themselves.

Find some other baby groups with more like minded individuals who are genuinely interested in hearing good advice.

Shouldwestayorshouldwegonow · 30/06/2016 10:59

Find another group and move on op.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 30/06/2016 11:00

Tomatoes - the poor child's backside is probably on fire this morning. She'll learn the hard way.

Go to the baby group and enjoy it.

2nds · 30/06/2016 11:01

Id have said something too. Dr Ranj is talking about bowel issues on This Morning as we speak.

If a GP advises that early weaning is necessary then it's time to wean, if not then don't.

WaitrosePigeon · 30/06/2016 11:03

Tinned tomatoes, pesto! Really???? Really?????

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 30/06/2016 11:10

Tinned tomatoes and pesto for a baby is one of the most bizarre things I've read on these boards. How on earth would it even occur to anyone 😳

SirChenjin · 30/06/2016 11:10

I'm surprised that the huns know what pesto is tbh.

Original poster
FuckingVipers · 30/06/2016 11:13

Apparently she was cooking and he looked hungry.

OP posts:
IrianOfW · 30/06/2016 11:16

You were correct in your opinions but most people take offence at being told they are doing it all wrong so I'm not surprised there was a bit of upset. Would you rather be right than happy?

justmyview · 30/06/2016 11:20

I calmly commented telling her why it was a bad idea and you know, tinned tomatoes and pesto aren't so good. I was calm

I'd like to see the exact wording of your FB post before judging if YWBU.

I thought that actually, weaning at 4 months was OK, but they tell us 6 months because they know that some people will wean early.

Esmeismyhero · 30/06/2016 11:23

I must be shot weaning dd at 14 months lol

bumbleymummy · 30/06/2016 11:24

12 weeks isn't 4 months and I don't think tomatoes and pesto are included among the foods recommended for early weaning.

ChocChocPorridge · 30/06/2016 11:26

Without wanting to add fuel to any fires, it seems to me that if the baby is formula fed then the leaky gut thing can't apply - they've already had non-human milk, so that ship has already sailed.

Obviously food choices still matter, and obviously it can't be that important - formula fed babies are completely healthy, but common sense would suggest that wouldn't it?

justmyview · 30/06/2016 11:31

not condoning tomatoes and pesto. also realise that 12 weeks isn't 4 months

dolkapots · 30/06/2016 11:31

I'd be contacting her HV

Really??? Misguided yes (what a bizarre first food as well) but highly unlikely to cause any harm. The histrionics about weaning before 6 months is OTT. It is a guideline based on current research, that is likely to change when the new research comes out to say that 4 months is better. The incidence of allergies/intolerance has actually increased, rather than decreased in the last 10 years.

I remember going to a paediatrician with my 5 month old baby and he chewed the face off me when I said I hadn't weaned yet. According to him the guidelines were based on evidence that showed BF babies in developing countries had better mortality rates when weaned later. He said 4 months was fine.

I remember one mum proudly telling me she cracked a raw egg into her babies morning bottle and when I calmly pointed out this was probably not a great idea due to salmonella she went into hysterics saying I was scaring her Hmm

RatSandmIce · 30/06/2016 11:44

NotBadConsidering I think there might be a decimal point in the wrong place on your tomato info - tinned tomatoes are really not 10% salt, more like 0.1g per 100 g (Tesco).

Fruu · 30/06/2016 11:44

I'd get some weaning leaflets from the NHS to dump next to where they serve drinks at the group or suggest to a local HV that they do the rounds of the local groups and give out advice, personally. If I'd read it I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I heard that one of the babies in the group had died due to stupid weaning choices and I'd be feeling bad about the poor kids possibly ending up with less serious illnesses because of it. You were absolutely not BU for sticking up for the poor thing and trying to educate the mother. If the other members of the group are defending her, they must be similarly ignorant and could actually be quietly grateful further down the line if someone gives them information without directly singling them out and embarrassing them.

user1465823522 · 30/06/2016 11:45

Having thought about this I came back to post - honestly, I think we all need to stop shaming other parents on their choices. A spoonful or two of tomatoes is not going to give your kid sodium poisoning. All kids are different and some are ready to wean earlier.

HardleyWorthit · 30/06/2016 11:48

Tinned tomatos and pesto??? I wouldn't even feed that to myself. What an odd combo.

dolkapots · 30/06/2016 11:48

I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I heard that one of the babies in the group had died due to stupid weaning choices

A tad over reactionary perhaps. Causes of infant deaths in UK do not have a "died of stupid weaning choices" category. Let's not forget 30 years ago the advice was to wean at 6 weeks and the vast majority of that generation is still going strong.