Thrown out of parenting FB group. WIBU?

[FuckingVipers]

I attend a local baby activity with DD (think nursery rhymes and bouncing) and in an attempt to make some friends with babies the same age I joined the Facebook group some of them had set up. It all seemed fairly innocuous for a few weeks but now I've been shunned.

Yesterday one of the people from the group posted. She said her 12 week old DS had seemed a bit hungry so she'd given him a few spoonfuls of tinned tomatoes with pesto. Since then he'd been unsettled so basically she'd decided to fully wean him and wanted everyone's opinion.

I tried so hard not to hoik up my judgey pants but I couldn't help it. I calmly commented telling her why it was a bad idea and you know, tinned tomatoes and pesto aren't so good. I was calm.

Then the backlash! "Omg hun u know ur own baby! U know what's best!"

Everyone attacked me for not being supportive. It got pretty nasty. Not one person agreed with me and by the end the consensus was that every baby should pretty much be weaned before birth and possibly before conception if you think it's best.

I got thrown out of the group and sent a message telling me I shouldn't go back to the group. They're not the organisers, just people who attend. The group is this afternoon and I don't know if I should go.

WIBU? WWYD?

YANBU, she asked for advice but as per in these situations she obviously wanted people to validate her stupid choice.

If it were me I probably wouldn't return to the group but I hate confrontation. If I had the confidence, I'd go and brazen it out. Show them that you will not be forced out of a baby group over what is essentially a minor disagreement in the grand scheme of things. Then I'd move on and find a group with parents who might be a bit more open minded.

Either way don't worry about your baby missing out, there are plenty of groups out there. I never really went to many baby/toddler groups when DD1 was that age and when she started pre-school last September she was absolutely fine. DD2 has never been to a baby group and I'd imagine she'll be just fine too.

Bloody hell they sound like a right bunch of eejits.

Go back but only once or twice until you find a better group. Interestingly people with two or more children tend to avoid these groups.

I'd get some weaning advice leaflets from the HV, go early and leave them displayed prominently.

What an idiot - she'll be asking for the best cream for the baby's red raw sore arse next...

When dd was a baby itvwas in the news about a baby dying because they were fed normal food which the parents thought was healthier than tinned baby food.

Turned out they were feeding smash potato & something else processed & full of salt rather than home cooked blended veg.

Tinned tomatoes & pesto could kill a baby if continued to be given. At the very least what's wrong with starting on baby rice, puréed carrot & pear if the mum insists on weaning that early.

Madness!!!

honestly, i think it wasn't your place to judge someone else's parenting choice unless it was damaging the child.

every child is different - our have alternated between 4 and 7 months regarding weaning. I know kids who have weaned earlier and later. Without knowing the full ins and outs, including teh medical issues and history, you can't really comment.

If it's anything like the structured song groups we go to, you don't really have to interact with other mums whilst in progress (and there must be other people not in FB go?). Why not print out the message, attend today and if you feel uncomfortable and don't fancy returning, show the organisers at the end and explain why?

I've got a group of baby friends who have managed to navigate differences in parenting for the last six months, politely enough. People who can't aren't worth worrying about (although it's horrible if you are feeling lonely).

huns go NUTS if you break the 'ur bubba ur rulz hun' code.

What a great line, Arf!

In my mind's eye, I see Huns go NUTS T-shirts, mugs, the lot

user1238y]76023460683470260 (can't be arsed to type your lazy arse username properly) - giving a 3 month old baby pesto and tinned tomatoes is damaging the child.

It's not about 'every child being different' and there would be no medical reason to for doing it.

If you're going to troll, do make it less limp

Tinned tomatoes & pesto could kill a baby if continued to be given.

Wow. Overreaction and scaremongering much??

I agree with you that weaning so early - especially on something like tinned tomatoes and pesto - sounds like a bad idea and flies in the face of current weaning guidelines.
Problem is, she wasn't really asking for opinions. She wanted everyone to validate her decision and tell her that giving a 12 week old tinned tomatoes and pesto is just fine.

If you think your DD enjoys the group, then, if you have the confidence, go back a few times until you find another similar group. There's almost certainly mums in this group who either didn't see the whole FB argument, or who secretly agreed with you but decided not to post anything after seeing the reaction to your post.

user1238y]76023460683470260 (can't be arsed to type your lazy arse username properly) -

I assume this directed at me Linda, and so I'll point out what I have already pointed out - I have tried to change my username to a 'real' name but it won't - i get an error message telling me my password is incorrect - despite me just using that password to log in, but please, do tell me how to go about it Bill Gates?

Lynda "if you're going to troll, do make it less limp actually giggled out loud at that!

If to bothered to read my post you will see I referenced a case where s baby did die because they were weaned on similar high sodium content food

Said it in my head in a very Violet Bucket-esque voice

ballet, the case you're referring to was Leroy Elders who was only fed Ready Brek, Smash and gravy from well before 3 months because his parents couldn't afford anything else.

Not exactly in the same league as a taste of tomatoes.

FWIW I wasn't snarky, I was polite and tried to present the facts. I save my snarky side for MN.

Pretty much just said that if she really wanted to wean at that age she'd be better off with something bland and she should really ask her HV for advice. Told her that tomato would be full of salt and not the best.

User - I know medical history. Baby has reflux. Do you think tinned tomatoes will help that?

I've decided not to go and I'm going to entertain DD at home. She's 4.5 months and I worry unnecessarily about her not going to activities!

I started giving mine solids early because he was waking 2 or 3 times a night but it was baby rice and breast milk, not tined tomatoes.

Is this a subset of the group? If so, go. Your daughter enjoys it and if they act out in front of you then more fool them. Was it the administrator of the group who kicked you out and messaged you? Then you may find that within all the "u know ur own baby Hun" messages, there will be others who disagree with them for blowing one comment out of proportion. Fuck em. Go! As my Great Aunt Mabel used to say, don't let them win.

It was instant mashed potato & instant gravy powder that caused the sodium overdose.

That's an odd reaction to a perfectly normal post, Lynda.
What makes you think user1465823522 is trolling?

You can use cut and paste, btw.
hth.

user I can not think of one medical reason you would give your baby solids at three months of age. I can think of many (evidenced based) why you wouldn't and even if it was advised you would not start with tomatos and pesto.

I don't understand why anyone would wean a 12 week old baby, I just don't get it.
She did ask for thoughts on it and you said you didn't think it was a good idea and as long as you was in no way rude with how you said it you did nothing wrong.

OP I hope you find another group to join!

It's exactly the same. Just st because smash is cheap & pesto is expensive doesn't mean the end result won't be the same if the mum continues to feed high sodium food (I personally think the ready Brel was a red herring as it contains very little salt it was more likely the smash & gravy powder)

*User - I know medical history. Baby has reflux. Do you think tinned tomatoes will help that?
*

I'm not a doctor so I don;t want to give advice, but I also just looked at the tinned tomatoes in our cupboard and didn't see any added salt - different brands?