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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel frustrated at my DH reaction to paid for holiday?

414 replies

Nala1982 · 20/06/2016 00:35

A relative of ours has won some money and paid for all the family to go to Florida. The family is so appreciative and excited all apart from DH. Despite the fact that it is our kid's dream holiday, DH says it is not his idea of a holiday and would we mind if he spent 50% alone away from the disney/water park bullshit we are planning. Yes, I do mind because this family member has paid for us to go and it's cost thousands - and also because I will need him to help me keep an eye on the 2 DC's.

His lack of enthusiasm is actually embarrassing me. The family member who paid has already mentioned that he does not seem interested at all. DH says he appreciates the thought but he would much rather do a cheap holiday to Spain. I am mortified.

OP posts:
LazyJournalistsQuoteMN · 20/06/2016 00:39

I'm guessing it's one of your relatives won the money? Your Husband is being unreasonable, could you take someone else in his place?

RJnomore1 · 20/06/2016 00:41

Oh god he is NOT being unreasonable is the plan to spend every day in the park?

If he is anything like me I cannot imagine a worse torture yet he is willing to spend half the holiday there. He deserves a medal.

Vickyyyy · 20/06/2016 00:42

In this situation, I would be saying that he is ungrateful and suggesting he stays home if its that much of a problem. Florida is an amazing experience and I'm sure you and especially your children will enjoy it. Don't let him dampen the spirit.

sykadelic · 20/06/2016 00:43

Why does he need to be happy about it? Sure, he should be more discrete but it's not everyone's idea of a good time to have a holiday paid for without even being asked if you want to go. You've got a bunch of family coming so you don't need him to keep an eye on 2 DC, you would just prefer it.

You're actually being pretty inconsiderate of his feelings on the matter. If he can't be withdrawn as attending then him spending some time away doing something HE would enjoy wouldn't be the end of the world surely!

notapizzaeater · 20/06/2016 00:43

Are the children looking forward to it ? He needs to man up !!

I loath nay hate butlins but every year we have a week there for DS who loves every minute of it. That's what parents do

NicknameUsed · 20/06/2016 00:44

DD and I are going to Florida next month. One of the reasons OH isn't going with us is because it is his idea of a nightmare holiday. It isn't on my bucket list either TBH, but it is a post GCSE/16th birthday treat for DD.

blackteaplease · 20/06/2016 00:45

This would be my DHs worst idea of a holiday to go on but he would do it for the dc as they would love it. How long are you going for? Could you compromise on 1 day away from the park?

BillSykesDog · 20/06/2016 00:46

Florida is only an amazing experience if you like that sort of thing. If you don't it's a mosquito filled crowded noisy humid hell.

Why can't you and the kids spend some time with him doing a bit of exploring rather than spending every day in the parks? That way DC get watched and also he doesn't have to spend every day in an overpriced plastic enforced jollity gulag.

Pinkheart5915 · 20/06/2016 00:47

I can see your DH point of view, my parents booked a holiday for all the family a few years ago and it was surprise to somewhere me and dh had no desire to go but had to go and the activities planned weren't things we would of chosen so we did spend 50% of the time doing our own thing my parents didn't mind this as long as we had dinner with them in the same restaurant every night.
I learnt my lesson we are all going a way for a month in October to San Francisco that me & DH are paying for and each family member has a day or two they pick the activities for and where we eat, much better system then we all get our turn to enjoy things.

NicknameUsed · 20/06/2016 00:47

"I loath nay hate butlins but every year we have a week there for DS who loves every minute of it. That's what parents do"

Erm, no. OH and I loathe holiday park style holidays and despite DD pleading with us to go to Centerparcs we have never been there.

We once stayed in a caravan in Dawlsih Warren when DD was 2. The caravan was lovely, the park wasn't. We never did that type of holiday again.

2nds · 20/06/2016 00:47

Disney theme parks are the stuff of nightmares for me, my OH wants to go and I keep one day maybe but I'd rather not and no I wouldn't appreciate someone paying my way on essentially what is THEIR idea of a great family holiday.

2nds · 20/06/2016 00:48

I meant I keep saying

nooka · 20/06/2016 00:53

Personally going to Disneyland with my ILs would have been my idea of hell. I really dislike Disney and hate theme parks and rides. Sorry, but I don't see why your dh should have to think it's a wonderful idea, or not be allowed to escape for at least a bit of the time.

did the relative ask the people she/he has paid to go on this holiday, or did they just decide that it was going to happen and assume that everyone would be ecstatic? I'd feel awfully railroaded in your dh's position.

2nds · 20/06/2016 00:53

Plus if he's worked all year and someone else has picked this holiday and he's had no say in it which is what I assume happened he's got every right to feel cheesed off.

whattodowiththepoo · 20/06/2016 00:54

I feel his pain.

Italiangreyhound · 20/06/2016 00:55

This type of holiday is for CHILDREN, (IMHO) any random children but specifically HIS children. he is contemplating leaving you to cope alone with the kids while he goes off somewhere!

This is a great opportunity for his children to have a fun holiday paid for by your relative. He sounds like a spoiled brat (and yes, I hate theme parks but I've been to Disneyland Paris and a number of other theme parks this year, guess why, for my kids......

Italiangreyhound · 20/06/2016 00:57

And presumably this will not use up all his holiday so you can afford a cheap holiday of his dreams too... if it was all the time, every year, I'd be on his side but as a one-off it is a great chance for the kids.

MadamDeathstare · 20/06/2016 01:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 20/06/2016 01:03

Can you really not cope with your own children?

What is it with Mumsnet that men who can't cope with their own children are utterly panned, but any woman who can't cope and their DP must "step up and be a father"?

Disney is my idea of hell. Holidaying with the in-laws is even worse.

Tbh your DH has my sympathy.

TheBouquets · 20/06/2016 01:05

I had planned a family holiday in the UK. However before that, two families who would have been part of the group went to a holiday park for a week. One family had thought that since there were 2 DCs of much the same that it would be enjoyable and get the DCs their first family holiday and to be at the sea. It turned out a disaster. The couples were arguing with each other and one of the couples were arguing between themselves. The DCs were bewildered.

I got a call from each of the "sides" complaining about the other set. One family came home early.
I consider that I had a lucky escape. I would have been paying for everything. Accommodation transport and food. After the way they had all interacted I decided to stop planning the holiday I would have paid for. Why does no-one think they were very lucky that someone was willing to take a whole group of family away to Florida. Does no-one see the kindness of the organiser(s)? I would hate all the Disney stuff and theme parks and rides but I would consider myself lucky to have been invited. Is there no gratitude? We as parents are always doing things to please our DCs which we would not do if there were no DCs and this is a big treat.

LaBelleOtero · 20/06/2016 01:08

RJnomore1 Really, he deserves a medal? He has been so unappreciative about an expensive free holiday that the person gifting the holiday has noticed, and he wants to bugger off instead of enjoying the trip with his wife and children? He sounds like a stroppy teenager. Cheap holidays to Spain will always be there (albeit maybe a bit less cheap depending...)

Florida wouldn't actually be on my wishlist either, but I wouldn't want to be the family wet blanket, especially if I knew my family were excited to go.

LaBelleOtero · 20/06/2016 01:10

What is it with Mumsnet that men who can't cope with their own children are utterly panned, but any woman who can't cope and their DP must "step up and be a father"?

Because the men we hear about who can't cope aren't dealing with two kids in a busy theme park, they are the ones who can't cope within the four walls of their own homes.

Canyouforgiveher · 20/06/2016 01:10

I would hate a holiday in disney (we go to Florida every year and have never brought our children to Disney - and I feel no guilt about this). I would also hate a holiday with my in laws, even though I get on really well with them.

if my lovely MIL went off the reservation and booked this holiday for us all, I would definitely be doing it only for the sake of the children, would only be appreciative on their behalf, would not be enthusiastic and would certainly be hoping that I would get some time away from the theme parks. Mind you it wouldn't arise because DH would just say thanks mum but no thanks.

I think this is not a holiday your dh would have chosen for himself. Why should he be enthusiastic? As long as he is polite, shows up, says thanks, and helps you with the children in the theme parks (god the thought of it), I don't see why he can't think wistfully of his cheap, easy holiday to Spain.

Or as others say, you could invite someone else who would love to go - maybe an older teenage cousin who could help you out?

Rumpelstiltskin143 · 20/06/2016 01:12

May I point out that Florida is 125% the size of England. It's like saying I've been to Blackpool and didn't like it so there's no point in going to England.

If you're all talking about DisneyWorld that's something different, but it's NOT Florida!

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 20/06/2016 01:13

It's not much of a gift if it's something the person you're giving it to hates.

Holidays like this are never entirely altruistic. It's more about the giver than the receiver.