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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel frustrated at my DH reaction to paid for holiday?

414 replies

Nala1982 · 20/06/2016 00:35

A relative of ours has won some money and paid for all the family to go to Florida. The family is so appreciative and excited all apart from DH. Despite the fact that it is our kid's dream holiday, DH says it is not his idea of a holiday and would we mind if he spent 50% alone away from the disney/water park bullshit we are planning. Yes, I do mind because this family member has paid for us to go and it's cost thousands - and also because I will need him to help me keep an eye on the 2 DC's.

His lack of enthusiasm is actually embarrassing me. The family member who paid has already mentioned that he does not seem interested at all. DH says he appreciates the thought but he would much rather do a cheap holiday to Spain. I am mortified.

OP posts:
MrJones1977 · 22/06/2016 00:57

vine.co/v/eqgn6AQXzgT

MrsDrSpencerReid · 22/06/2016 06:54

We recently went on holiday to US (from Aus), with and paid for by my parents.
DH wasn't at all keen on the Disneyland portion of the trip (we had a 5 day pass, our trip was 3 weeks total) and rolled his eyes whenever it was brought up.

But guess who has already started saving and making plans to go back again?! Grin

AND that's after DH ending up in hospital in intensive care after the flight over there Shock ( he's fine, we can laugh about it now)

So your DH may end up enjoying himself after all Smile

In his defense though, Disney World sounds crazy crowded. The new Frozen ride opened today and the line to ride is 5 hours long!!

And Disneyland wasn't any of our favourite place. Even our DC said the Grand Canyon was their highlight. DS 6 cried when we left after spending 3 days there he loved it so much.

OllyBJolly · 22/06/2016 08:11

My 7 year old niece really didn't enjoy the parks at all, but loved the pool at the villa. She would happily have stayed there all day every day. When we were in a park she would ask constantly how long it would be until we could go back to the villa!

I think it's usually such an expensive trip people try to cram so much in to get "value for money" at the expense of having a nice holiday. I do agree with PPs that it's a myth that all kids will love Disney. Mine liked it, but ask them now what their favourite holiday was and it will be camping with my parents in remote parts of Scotland. despite my bankrupting myself to give them great holidays

dowhatnow · 22/06/2016 10:04

I wouldn't begrudge my kids two weeks at doing something they love if I didn't want to go - on the same note I wouldn't spend two weeks wanting to poke my eyes out doing something I hate.

So that's where compromise comes in.

Compromise Compromise. So everybody has fun.

The op has lots of other people to help her in the parks. Is it really so unreasonable for him to ask for a couple of days doing what he enjoys?

Jaxhog · 22/06/2016 10:53

Couldn't you plan some non Disney stuff in there too? He may not be the only one who doesn't want to do Disney every day, and there are lots of other interesting things to do in Florida.

But if he thinks it acceptable to go off on his own, then he - is an ungrateful shit - isn't very supportive.

JessicaRabbit3 · 22/06/2016 10:58

I'm on your husband side its not a holiday that has been planned together. Your family have paid for it so it comes across as what they say go the whole Disneyland for 2weeks seems excessive to me not to meantion exhausting. Your going to Florida surely there's more to see. Your DH is being dragged along on a holiday not of his choosing. Yes it's for the children but you could easily factor in something that EVERYONE can enjoy show trips along the coast.

JessicaRabbit3 · 22/06/2016 11:00

Also I don't agree he should have to grin and bear it because someone is footing the bill. You want there to help with the children surely you got extended family members for that. If he doesn't want to go he shouldn't have to or atleast accomadate something that the whole family can enjoy.

Sarn1234 · 22/06/2016 11:18

Tell Dh kids are really excited so please back you, next holiday he can choose. We have been to Florida 4 times, 5th time in August. My dh isnt keen on theme parks, we do a park day and a rest day. We go shopping, go to the resort pool, day at the beach. Maybe hire your own car and go off for the day, if you are staying on Disney Property you can still leave. He might find he likes the water parks, Typhoon lagoon has a massive wave machine that my dh loves. Next trip in August, two days universal and Typhoon Lagoon, then off to the beach for 9 nights that way everyone is happy! I agree if he doesnt want to go take someone else, but tell him he might be surprised and like it and make sure to include so stuff for him!

trafalgargal · 22/06/2016 12:29

Indeed
The husband seems to be incapable of graciously accepting a generous gift which isn't for him but for his children who (however people who don't fancy Disney for themselves are trying to spin it and make it all about them) - ARE excited to be going. He wants to sulk,, wants time alone for himself (which I do get I like some me time on holiday too) but no mention of offering his wife the same courtesy. If he was saying - I'd like to spend time just us and the kids as well as the big group days I don't think anyone would bat an eyelid- it's the wanting to act like a single man rather than a father and husband on holiday that sits badly.

Is Disney all about the rides....honestly it isn't -there's golf, nature trails, fine dining , horticultural activities, educational programmes as well as all the usual stuff you'd expect in a holiday resort plus the parks, rides, fireworks, shows and a lot of the "I'd never go" brigade would be very surprised if they actually researched properly or tried it (which of course they won't - and that's fine too)

I did wonder if all the planning has set this off- That he feels that every second of every day is going to be planned to the nth degree - I'm a big believer in having a plan as it's very easy to end up crisscrossing a park and walking for miles longer than needed if you don't know which rides etc are close to each other -but it's a rough plan not a millitary march. There needs to be down time and breakout time built in.
Frankly though if you read the trip reports on the Dibb you'll see that most people who have overplanned end up going off plan or ripping the whole thing up as not practical once there anyway. Throw in a slew of inlaws and all this talk about wanting to be able to opt out might be more logical.

This might account for the change from happy to go to trying to carve out some time - Maybe it's not to do with alone time so much as not wanting to be in a big organized pack for 14 days and plans to hire your own car and plans to visit places like water parks, Kennedy or even the beach just the four of you might be a better compromise.

Frankly there's few extended families who can sustain happy togetherness for a full 2 weeks especially adding in, over stimulated kids, adults wanting to do different things and people with different energy levels -let alone the early risers versus those who want to sleep later on holiday .

Getting allowances for these built into the planning could be the difference between the holiday of a lifetime ......or the holiday everyone needed a week off to recover from afterwards ;)

MrJones1977 · 22/06/2016 12:46

I couldn't and wouldn't accept a holiday paid for by someone else. Some people don't like Disney full stop, it isn't for everyone. So all the golf,fine dining,etc,etc isn't going to improve the experience. And a two week family holiday can be stressful, a two week group family holiday can be more so.
I am sure he may enjoy himself, I myself find sitting through a Disney(Pixar is okay) film more than enough punishment

scousesal · 22/06/2016 13:15

The thought of two weeks of my time off doing something I didnt choose and being forced to plaster a smile everyday does not sound like a holiday to me .He's going for the kids but that doesn't mean he should just expected having everyday planned for him by other people . Its lovely of your family but I understand where he's coming from ,its a gift with strings .

zofranks · 22/06/2016 13:23

Honestly...I with DH on this (sorry) - my DD wants to go and we have said we will take her when she is older but on our own - trawling around all week with our families would be my idea (and his probably) of hell - we don't do well on family holidays, we go away to get away from family not to spend more time with them. I think he should be allowed some free time to himself tbh and the other family can help you take care of the little ones - be grateful he is even showing up, if I presented this to my OH he wouldn't go at all!

LifeHuh · 22/06/2016 13:24

Haven't read the thread - has the OP suggested any compromises which DH might be happier about?
I'm struggling to see why he should be grateful for something he didn't ask to do and wasn't what he'd have chosen,and grouch that I am I'm not convinced adults should have to suck up 2 weeks hating something for the sake of the children.A day or so,yes.But family is about everybody enjoying it,or as near as possible to that.
Perhaps he would prefer a cheap holiday in Spain because he wants a nice relaxed family holiday with his immediate family rather than a busy fortnight (involving long haul flights ,always fun with children) with his extended family - that doesn't make him a bad father.

OllyBJolly · 23/06/2016 08:17

My older brother lives in the US and is celebrating a milestone birthday this year. Well, he doesn't know that as his wife and kids have organised a surprise party and there are a few of us flying over from Scotland. I have a lot of family in the US so going to take some time to visit Ohio, North Carolina and Georgia. All my family.

As a result of this thread, I've just booked DH and I a long weekend at a remote lodge in Scotland. That's his ideal holiday. He hasn't complained about the US trip but this thread has just brought home to me just how tough it might be for him!

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