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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel frustrated at my DH reaction to paid for holiday?

414 replies

Nala1982 · 20/06/2016 00:35

A relative of ours has won some money and paid for all the family to go to Florida. The family is so appreciative and excited all apart from DH. Despite the fact that it is our kid's dream holiday, DH says it is not his idea of a holiday and would we mind if he spent 50% alone away from the disney/water park bullshit we are planning. Yes, I do mind because this family member has paid for us to go and it's cost thousands - and also because I will need him to help me keep an eye on the 2 DC's.

His lack of enthusiasm is actually embarrassing me. The family member who paid has already mentioned that he does not seem interested at all. DH says he appreciates the thought but he would much rather do a cheap holiday to Spain. I am mortified.

OP posts:
OrangesandLemonsNow · 20/06/2016 05:35

His lack of enthusiasm is actually embarrassing me. The family member who paid has already mentioned that he does not seem interested at all. DH says he appreciates the thought but he would much rather do a cheap holiday to Spain. I am mortified.

Sorry but why should he be overly enthusiastic? It isn't his choice of holiday. It doesn't sound like he had any choice in the matter at all.

It isn't compulsory to love Disney Land. To some it is awful.

He hasn't said he won't go just that he would like some time away from the parks. I don't see the issue.

You don't seem to want to compromise at all which is imo very unfair.

pearlylum · 20/06/2016 05:57

I'm with your OH.
Disneyland sounds like hell. It;s very rude of this relative to tell you where to go on holiday.

WhisperingLoudly · 20/06/2016 05:59

Disney is not my thing but with three primary DC I will suck it up and go next year because like it or not it is my DCs dream holiday.

OP presumably this is an one off treat - the relatives don't make a habit of dictating your holidays and you haven't been to Disney every year since your DC were born?in which case your DH is being an ungrateful idiot - it is decent behaviour to be appreciative of the fact that someone is facilitating your DCs "dream holiday"

And as for spending half the time in his own- as if?! Some time away from the park is reasonable but alone ?? When does the OP get her alone time?!

fuckincuntbuggerinarse · 20/06/2016 06:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotYoda · 20/06/2016 06:10

I don't think he is being unreasonable, unless he has been rude to the family member to their face. if you've passed on his comments to the family member then you have been disloyal to your dh.

I think if you've done a nice thing for family then that should not leave then totally beholden to you. That's not a gift

I am sure there's a compromise to be made here

Does everyone really need to spend the whole time together?

Tattieboggle · 20/06/2016 06:14

Just not to Disney's hell of make-believe

I was a sceptic and never interested in Disney until my then 37 year old marriage broke down and my brother and his wife who go to Florida/Disney every year took me there on holiday.

I was dreading it, but I loved it, and I spent everyday of our two week stay in the parks. I even danced with Goofy whilst waiting to have our character pictures taken and it was so emotional Blush I started crying and he wiped my tears with his ears.

Then there was the evening we went to a Sleeping Beauty dinner or something and Prince Charming bent down to tell me my perfume was lovely - and I believed him for a almost a whole year afterwards!

Now you can't keep me away and Ive been back with them every year since for a week of nothing but Disney Magic following a cruise. Im almost 60 and Im of the opinion if you want to have a great time at Disney don't take the kids or you'll ruin your holiday. Grin Grin

And strangely enough once Im home I never really give Disney another thought till the next time we are going, not like my daft SIL who buys the ornaments and sits and watches the movies at the weekend.

Im going again in September and we're taking a friend of mine who has a newly broken heart and Im sure its going to help her. I can't wait.

branofthemist · 20/06/2016 06:16

I love Florida. For us it's an amazing holiday.

However I can understand why some people wouldn't like it. Not want to go and spend everyday in the parks.

I have been with extended family. And quite honestly time away from each other is a good thing. I won't go and stay in one place with my dbro and sil. We are planning on going in 2018 and told them they are welcome to book, but they need their own car and own place to stay.

NotYoda · 20/06/2016 06:16

You seem to be fairly united against your DH - it's you and the kids want. Is that because he doesn't take much of a part in family life?

I think if my kids' dream holiday was Disney, I do a a lot of that and a bit of something a bit more world-view altering.

Canyouforgiveher · 20/06/2016 06:17

Do children really have disney as a "dream holiday". I live in the US and have never encountered this. Most children I know have not been to disney. Or if they have, it hasn't been their "dream holiday". Disney marketing is doing a fab job.

pearlylum · 20/06/2016 06:22

My kids have never shown the slightest interest in Disney. I see them ignore the TV adverts. They haven't mentioned it once. None of their friends have been to Disney. Maybe it's an English thing.

CoolforKittyCats · 20/06/2016 06:26

Not for anything would I have gone away on holiday with my in laws.

I think that could be a big part of it tbh.

ALongTimeComing · 20/06/2016 06:29

I'm with your DH. It doesn't sound like my kind of holiday. It sounds like one of those enforced acts of kindness that put you in an awkward position. From what I've read you should be spending 50% of your time away from the parks anyway! It's far too exhausting otherwise.

DeathStare · 20/06/2016 06:30

I think he needs to change how he sees it. Instead of seeing it as a gift to him that he doesn't want (and therfore probably feels a bit controlling to him) I think he needs to start seeing it as a once in a lifetime gift to his children that he will quietly endure for their sakes - much like birthday parties with 50 kids, piano recitals and standing in the rain by the side of a pitch for an under 10s football match.

I also think you and your family need to stop expecting excitement from him and accept that quiet tolerance is about as much as is reasonable from him. Disney isn't everyone's cup of tea and he doesn't have to be excited just because you are. Giving him a couple of days off the parks to go and do some thing else or to spend time just the two of you with your DC seems a perfectly reasonable request.

And I love Disney!

WhisperingLoudly · 20/06/2016 06:31

alongtime 50% of your time away from the park = fine.

50% of your time away from your own wife and kids = not fine

NashvilleQueen · 20/06/2016 06:33

Disney has a polarising effect on MN OP!

TheOddity · 20/06/2016 06:33

I just replaced the word Disney with 'F1' and realised I might not have been that gracious either!Blush

pearlylum · 20/06/2016 06:36

"once in a lifetime" jesus is that all we have to aspire to? A trip to Disney. The world is a big place. I can think of many places that are 100 times more awe inspiring, life changing, moving and spectacular than a trip to a theme park.

VulcanWoman · 20/06/2016 06:40

Leave him at home and go enjoy the holiday with your children. Don't let him spoil it for you.

LagunaBubbles · 20/06/2016 06:42

We are going to Florida next year for 3 weeks, probably go to Universal - and that's it regarding theme parks. So much other things to see and do. I can think of nothing worse than spending day after day in the theme parks.

LillianGish · 20/06/2016 06:44

One person's dream holiday is another person's holiday from hell. DIsney is such a Marmite thing. Just because you don't have to pay for it doesn't make it any more enjoyable. It's not the same as unwanted Christmas gift - in that case you have to smile sweetly and look enthusiastic for a few minutes before quietly putting it aside and hiding it in a cupboard when everyone has gone home. In this case you have to keep a fixed grin on your face for two weeks (or however long) 24 hours a day. In this context I think your DH's request to do your own thing for 50 percent of the time is a good compromise. You might find you and your DC would welcome the break as well.

WhisperingLoudly · 20/06/2016 06:48

My primary aged DC have lived in three countries on two continents the oldest has been to 15 countries the youngest not many less: they've treked wonders of the world, camped in deserts, kayaked in world heritage sights and skied in Japan.

Their dream holiday is still Disney Hmm

branofthemist · 20/06/2016 06:48

50% of your time away from your own wife and kids = not fine

Not sure I agree. If I was going on holiday with my in laws, doing something that was my idea of hell, I would want time away from doing that activity and away from in laws. If dh insisted on him and the kids doing all these activities and being with in laws 24/7 I would want time on my own instead.

DoreenLethal · 20/06/2016 06:52

Hang - on - there OP.

Your relative has basically told your husband that they are deciding which holiday they are going on this year and with who. And it's not even something that he wants to do - he has agreed to go and is not bending over backwards being ever so grateful. I'm with him on this.

An invite - yes be grateful.
A summons - not so much.

OllyBJolly · 20/06/2016 06:52

I've been to Florida several times, and DH and I did once pay for the whole family to go because it was their "dream". By Day 3 DH was wanting to leave the villa and move into a hotel - and it was his family! (Mine hadn't arrived). I understand your DH's point of view.

Compromise is easy. It's madness to think you would go to the parks every day - utter madness. Two whole weeks of falling into someone else's plans is my idea of hell. There's loads of interesting things to do in Florida. Think carefully about accommodation and transport. Hire your own car and consider renting your own villa on the same resort if it's a villa holiday.

And don't kid yourself it's all for the children. I've never seen so many unhappy kids in one place as I've seen at Disney. I think many would have preferred to play around the villa or hotel pool rather than spend a day queuing to get on rides that last 90 seconds..

mummytime · 20/06/2016 06:55

I love Disney.

But I can see your DH's point of view.
I would hate going along to someone elses timetable.
Not having down time.
Being around "other people" all the time - I wouldn't want to go on holiday anywhere with friends or family really - unless maybe we agreed to "do our own thing" the majority of the time.
I'd also hate to be cooped with my family in one hotel room rather than spread out in a villa - if that's what you are doing.
Oh and I'd hate having to "feel grateful" to someone else for something I might not have chosen.

If you are going with family can't they help you with the DC so DH can have down time?

And as a Disney fan, are you sure it really would be your DC's dream holiday? How old are they? Too young and they can't/may not like some of the rides. Older and they may have outgrown it (although I've had a 12/13 year old avidly collecting autographs.)