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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel frustrated at my DH reaction to paid for holiday?

414 replies

Nala1982 · 20/06/2016 00:35

A relative of ours has won some money and paid for all the family to go to Florida. The family is so appreciative and excited all apart from DH. Despite the fact that it is our kid's dream holiday, DH says it is not his idea of a holiday and would we mind if he spent 50% alone away from the disney/water park bullshit we are planning. Yes, I do mind because this family member has paid for us to go and it's cost thousands - and also because I will need him to help me keep an eye on the 2 DC's.

His lack of enthusiasm is actually embarrassing me. The family member who paid has already mentioned that he does not seem interested at all. DH says he appreciates the thought but he would much rather do a cheap holiday to Spain. I am mortified.

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 20/06/2016 07:43

I think the relative that has decided that everyone is going to Disney and will enjoy it and be grateful dammit is the one out of line. Not grateful enough? Not grateful enough that his holidays have been dictated and that they will be spent with his in-laws doing something that doesn't interest him.

I'd be questioning the motives of the relative. Are they doing this because they want to do something nice for everyone or because they want to bignote themselves and get all the glory for facilitating this 'trip of a lifetime'? What happens if you don't show enough gratitude? Do you get assigned the cheap room near the kitchen?

cupofrooibos · 20/06/2016 07:43

DH says it is not his idea of a holiday and would we mind if he spent 50% alone away from the disney/water park bullshit we are planning

This type of holiday would be my own personal hell but you don't just get to opt out of these things when there's children / family involved Hmm I'd be really unhappy if I were you OP. I'm guessing he's not offering to take over for the other 50% of the time so you get to be alone doing what you like?

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 20/06/2016 07:45

Holidays aren't 'one size fits all' especially within a large group. The fact that someone else is paying for it only makes it worse - as the reluctant one is expected to be grateful for something that isn't to their taste. However, he is getting a free holiday so the best thing for him is say thank you and put on a brave face. Spending a little time apart for some of the days might help, but go to evening meals together with the whole group.

NashvilleQueen · 20/06/2016 07:48

OP apologies if you've said already but may I check how it was arranged? Were you asked whether you wanted to come (and by 'you' I mean both you and your husband?). If he had a day at the time it was booked and didn't voice it then I think he is being unreasonable to ask for 50% time off now. If you dragged him kicking and screaming into it or agreed without discussion then he is perfectly entitled to do his own thing for part of the time.

namechangeparents · 20/06/2016 07:50

I can see where you DH is coming from. It would be my idea of hell.

If I won some money and wanted to treat a friend or relative I'd ask them where they wanted to go. This "paying for holidays" thing is bizarre and causes no end of trouble when you just book something without checking dates so people run into problems at work or with school.

And if we brexit, cheap holidays to Spain might actually NOT be there. We might need visas and they might cost a lot more. Whereas the arrangements for the US are highly unlikely to be affected so you can go anytime.

I'm with your DH. You don't have to accept something because it's given to you.

And I don't do theme park/holiday camp holidays with ds. He doesn't seem to have been scarred by it.

KayTee87 · 20/06/2016 07:51

I would really really hate it if I was told I was going on holiday with the in laws and every day was already planned for me. That's not a holiday in my eyes so I can see where your husband is coming from to be honest. I've been to Orlando and after a couple of days at the parks was bored out of my mind. Could you not arrange a day at the Everglades and a day doing something else your husband might like too just for you, DH and kids?

rookiemere · 20/06/2016 07:52

I'm someone with parents who despised Disney. We went to Florida when I was a DC and couldn't even bring themselves to go to the park for one day, even though they knew I was Disney mad - I got the cartoon comic every week, I had posters of it up on my wall.

I do remember and I do judge that they couldn't put themselves aside for one day and do what I wanted even though they would have hated it.

We took DS to Disneyworld Florida when he was 7. We've been on loads of other holidays, it's still his favourite and whilst it wasn't ours we're looking to go back.

For your DH I give you Kennedy Space Centre. Tell him he can have a full day there - or two if he wants. This was DH's absolute highlight.

KayTee87 · 20/06/2016 07:54

In fact I would hate it if I was told I was going on holiday with my parents too but at least I could tell them no.

Ragwort · 20/06/2016 07:54

I sympathise with your DH - why should he have to have an 'enforced jolly time' just because your relatives and the children want to go to Disneyland? Not everyone likes the same sort of holiday and as Midnite says - what are the motives for this holiday?

My parents are very generous and keep hinting about a 'big family holiday' that we can all enjoy - I can think of nothing worse, even thought it will cost nothing and my DS would probably love it - why should I put my DH and myself through two weeks of having to pretend to have a good time and be gracious about it.

If I was in the situation of winning a lot of money I would give it to my adult child for them to decide how they wished to spend it.

nousernames · 20/06/2016 07:58

I'm totally with your dh in this one. I tea value my summer holiday as time with my kids and husband. I'm not really that arsed about spending it with anyone else tbh.

Disney is my idea of hell as is holiday with the in laws. I think his 50/50 suggestion is perfectly reasonable. It's not stopping the kids from having the holiday of a lifetime it's just making sure everyone's happy. We don't have to sacrifice every single one of our own wants just because we have kids (in my opinion!).

nousernames · 20/06/2016 07:58

Really value not tea value!

LunaLoveg00d · 20/06/2016 07:58

I loath nay hate butlins but every year we have a week there for DS who loves every minute of it. That's what parents do

No they don't! I hate this idea that parents have to be martyrs to their children and their needs and wants. Holidays are for ALL of the family, we go on trips which suit everyone, not just the children.

The whole Disney thing is amazing, but it's also very full-on and can be tiring. I wouldn't be overly enthusiastic either about spending 2 weeks with my entire family and never leaving their sides. I need my space! If you're staying in a villa, then your husband has the option of a quiet day at home by the if he'd prefer that, or taking a trip somewhere like the Kennedy Space Center.

TheNaze73 · 20/06/2016 07:58

I personally would rather put out a camp fire with my face, than go on that holiday. I think his reaction could have been more sensitive but, to expect someone to be happy & enthusiastic, when they're not is almost asking them to lie.

belleandsnowwhite · 20/06/2016 08:04

I love Disney however going around the theme parks with someone who doesn't want to be there would be hell!

Msqueen33 · 20/06/2016 08:06

I can't say I'd be overjoyed but he needs to think about his kids. So he gets to sod off and see the sights while op is left with the kids?!

LindyHemming · 20/06/2016 08:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Banana99 · 20/06/2016 08:08

Honestly before we had children I thought Disney would be hell.
But we went and had a great time (and are going back) - it's very much a FAMILY holiday.
I really thought DH would hate it but he really got into the spirit of and had a great time - he loved the water parks and the food especially.

If he opens his mind he would enjoy it - I have the most amazing memories of my children enjoying themselves that we wouldn't have had elsewhere.
And if he doesn't want to see other family members the place is HUGE!

MidniteScribbler · 20/06/2016 08:09

That's what parents do

Nope, that's not what parents have to do. I'm paying for the holiday, so I'm damn well going to enjoy it as well. I plan our holidays with both of us in mind, not just him. So that might mean 1 or 2 days at a theme park, and the rest doing other things. My child will have many years of their future where they can spend their holidays doing exactly what they want.

I didn't sign any contract stipulating that I had to be miserable for my holidays for the sake of my child. It's a 'family' holiday, which mean everyone should be considered.

expatinscotland · 20/06/2016 08:09

Florida and theme parks every day are my idea of hell. I wouldn't be best pleased to blow my entire annual leave allowance on that.

PirateFairy45 · 20/06/2016 08:12

He's extremely ungrateful.

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 20/06/2016 08:13

A pity the OP hasn't been back to fill in all the blanks so that we can understand this fully....

a) who is the relative?
b) was the DH even asked if he liked the idea before it was bought and paid for?
c) how long is the holiday for?

And plenty more besides.

Xmasbaby11 · 20/06/2016 08:16

I wouldn't enjoy that type of holiday either. Time off is limited and parents are allowed to want a holiday they enjoy! I think it's fine to spend some of the time doing something non Disney.

AgentProvocateur · 20/06/2016 08:16

I'm with your husband - theme parks every day would be my idea of hell. And I'd hate to use my precious holiday allowance in a holiday I had no say over, with people I didn't choose to be with.

Shakey15000 · 20/06/2016 08:17

Well I think YANBU. Even if he detests the idea he could seethe inwardly and feign excitement for the kids sake. Not to mention the generous relative.

Even if the relative could have chosen something he'd liked, she hasn't, she's thought she's doing a nice thing and should be shown gratitude.

bakeoffcake · 20/06/2016 08:20

We did take ours to DL Paris for a weekend, that was enough and there's not a chance in hell I'd take them to Orlando. not a chance in hell.

I'm so with your DH.