To feel frustrated at my DH reaction to paid for holiday?

[Nala1982]

A relative of ours has won some money and paid for all the family to go to Florida. The family is so appreciative and excited all apart from DH. Despite the fact that it is our kid's dream holiday, DH says it is not his idea of a holiday and would we mind if he spent 50% alone away from the disney/water park bullshit we are planning. Yes, I do mind because this family member has paid for us to go and it's cost thousands - and also because I will need him to help me keep an eye on the 2 DC's.

His lack of enthusiasm is actually embarrassing me. The family member who paid has already mentioned that he does not seem interested at all. DH says he appreciates the thought but he would much rather do a cheap holiday to Spain. I am mortified.

Imagine the OP being told to show gratitude if her MIL had booked and paid for a holiday that she had no say in

It wouldn't be his holiday choice but if your DC are excited, and you are obviously keen he could muster up some enthusiasm.

He probably will nearer time.

Maybe he feels a little embarrassed about you all being given such a huge gift.

I think if I was in your dh shoes I wouldn't be too pleased either but I'm not really a Disney fan. Depending on who the relative was and how long we were expected to tag along with them would be a big decider, I wouldn't be keen on spending all day every day with any of my family or inlaws other than dc and dh.
We were invited on a holiday with my inlaws but they made it clear they expected us all to eat together everyday and we'd only have one day to do our own thing so we decided not to go

Why should OP have to do this on her own?

He's being selfish. He should just suck this up for the good of his children.

This is exactly the reverse of the other Disney thread and everyone agreed on that one that they didn't have to go. Amazing how it changes when it's a DH not a DW.

Well if your husband is happy to do 50% then let him, he can spend that 50% doing things with his children - which leaves you with 100% of that time to do things that you would like to do. You pick up the other 50%. That sounds fair.

To be fair, the other thread had a child who wasn't keen on going either, so the OP of that thread could have stayed home with one DC while her husband took the other.

In this case, both children are being offered their dream holiday for free, so I think DH needs to suck it up for the sake of his kids. It's two weeks out of his life - he's a big boy, it won't kill him.

You appreciate your relatives gesture and are excited. I think Dh is allowed to feel differently. It's ok to not feel excited if it's somewhere you wouldn't choose to go or if you wouldn't choose to go with those particular people.

I think that he appreciates that you and the kids would like to go so he has accepted this offer but I think it's a fair compromise to let him have time to do stuff he actually wants to do, so that he enjoys the holiday too.

If you insist he drags along with you 24/7 you are going to have a miserable guy on your hands, whereas if he has time alone then he might actually enjoy spending time with you too.

Are your kids looking forward to it? If they are he needs to man up and be a father. He needs to consider this is possibly a once in a lifetime experience for your children (as presumably he won't be taking them) and get in the spirit/ being excited for his children and stop being a party pooper spoiling it for them. He's a parent, be grateful for the opportunity for his kids and suck it up. Spending time at kids theme parks isn't my idea of fun, but watching my DS enjoy himself and be happy is my reason to breathe.

I am not a fan of theme parks, been to a few for the sake of the Dc's when younger, but when we were on holiday in France we decided to take them to Disneyland Paris. The whole family had a great time. The Dc's were old/big enough to enjoy all the rides and because they were having such fun DH and I revisited our childhood and joined in.

You really don't know OP your DH might actually like it when he gets there?

As for managing your DC's how old are they, will they need supervision because of their ages?

There has to be a compromise in this.

If your DC are so young that you wouldn't manage on your own then imo they need 2 weeks full on at Disney will be way too much for them.

I would be pissed of with dh. If he can't give 2 weeks to his wife and children out of his life then what's the point of a relationship or being a parent.

I hate the cinema but the rest of my family unit loves going. So I go because I love seeing my children faces.

I'm going to Florida next year. I have gone to extreme lengths to overcome my fear of flying and I dreading actually getting on that plane when even the thought of it has my heart racing a million miles an hour.

I will do it though, because the kids will be awe struck

I thought I wasn't a Disney person... at all! After some time and realising it's not about me it's about the kids (we are going with family, my in laws, and I know they'll love it... but we're not doing Disney everyday) I can't wait! My own DS is too young to know when he'll be but it's still a family experience to be had.

Let him be grumpy, when he gets there he might see that Disney World is much more than a theme park (I've been watching a lot of YouTube Vlogs and there's a lot to do if one submits themselves to the experience).

I would hate a Disney holiday too. My idea of sheer hell. So I can see where your dh is coming from. He must feel he has no choice: he's being paid for, he hasn't been consulted?

Can you compromise? He can choose another family holiday that year?

Is the holiday for 2 weeks? That seems too long to me. Maybe you could do Disney for a week and stay at the villa/swim/explore Florida the other week?

Id hate to go to Disney and would hate for someone else to choos my holiday!!
Could you ask for club med skiing instead?

< joke>

EveOnline said: "If he can't give 2 weeks to his wife and children out of his life then what's the point of a relationship or being a parent."

I would say what's the point of a relationship if one partner has no say whatsoever in where the family take a holiday and is basically told by the other partner (and/or a member of that partner's family) that they will be going to X place, at Y time, whether they like it or not.

Florida would be one of the worst holidays for me. If a family member paid for me to go there without asking I'd assume they hated me and wanted me to suffer!

Does he want to spend 50% away from the family or just 50% away from the theme park type activities? You could as a family do other things so you're still together but not in an environment he'd find stressful.

I'd hop on a boat to a secluded beach on the bahamas with zero theme parks if it were me probably not a helpful suggestion

Agree with belle, who and Eve. When you have kids you grow a trunk and suck it up. We have all endured Mr Maker, Mr.Tumble and currently DAN TDM sets my fillings on edge. I met my husband backpacking but we have done centre parks and the likes and enjoyed it. He has made his point but it is only two weeks. Promise him the cheapie Spain next year. Tell him this is for the kids and suggest he show some gratitude.

Get the Lonely Planet guide or some adult guide and plan couple of things he can look forward to baseball/football game/diving/deep sea fishing etc. They don't have to be all day.

Tell the relative, he is grateful in his 'own' way and never really gets excited about anything until nearer the time (my husband). Alternatively, if he is that set against it have you considered swapping his ticket with a friend or friend's teenager who can enjoy it or help you with the kids. He could stay at home and sulk on his ownsome.

It's a shame that the op hasn't been back because I have lots of questions.

How long are you going for?
Will you have a car?
Where are you staying?
Is it a villa?

We have been to Florida twice with our children and loved it, however we didn't do the parks all the time. If you have two weeks you can do most of the parks and still have time to see other parts of Florida. Even as a lover of scary rides I did find the parks hot and exhausting and it was lovely to spend a quieter time at the beach or in lovely picturesque towns with fewer tourists.

My husband doesn't like big rides much, but he came to everything the rest of us went to because he enjoyed seeing his children having a ball.

So my advice would be to mix it up a bit if possible and definitely don't do the parks every day. Believe it or not you will get tired of them too.

We also stayed in a villa away from the Disney resort, so that we have a lovely home to go to and could detox from the full on Disney experience. The villa was no more expensive than staying in a hotel and it was our own space.

I'm with your dh, sorry. He needs to suck it up for the sake of the kids and NOT appear ungrateful, however spending a few days doing un-disney stuff as a family (i.e. Without the relatives) sounds very reasonable.
I imagine spending all that time with inlaws is as daunting as the disney bit (no disrespect to your family, sure they're lovely).

My DH is the same. Not Disneyfied like my family. Went to DLP last year, we did they aquarium one day and it was set that he would go to Paris one day. This was fine our then 3yo was given the option to go withome him. He had a great day. I had a great day at the parks with 3yo and 4 month old. Sister was there to so it was fine 3yo got to go on loads of stuff twice.

Did DLF before kids. He was fine too. Epcot was brilliant for him. Lots of physics science. Plus drank our way around the world, there was a food festival on and we saw Billy Ocean play.

Think your DHL will come round. Get him to check who's playing Hard Rock Cafe while your there. There'should also Cape canavral (sp?) Think he needs to look past the parks himself and it sounds like there is plenty of family around for you to slope off together for a night out. He wouldn't be able to do that if it was just the 2 of you and LOs in Spain.

Where has the OP gone?

Also, I'm a bit taken aback at the number of parents who martyr themselves to give children exactly what they want on holiday. A holiday should be for the entire family, not just the children.

Before anyone points out that this is exactly what I will be doing, I stated that Disney isn't on my bucket list, but I wouldn't hate going there. I have been to Disneyland in California and really enjoyed it. I will probably enjoy the Universal part more and am looking forward to visiting the Kennedy Space Centre.

When DD was little we took holidays that had elements that pleased everyone, so we would have a day at the beach, then another day sightseeing, then another day on a boat trip or a long walk. We still do that now. It isn't just all about the children.

We still haven't been to Centerparcs though

OP is hard at work as a journalist.

I wouldn't think of it as a holiday, the long flights, the heat, the queues, the tens of thousands of people, vomit inducing rides, the stress, the in laws.... Even if it was free I wouldn't accept.

A relaxing week on the beach in France for me. Is this instead of a proper holiday. Can you really not cope with your own children in a theme park for children? I think him doing half is a good compromise.

I wouldn't think of it as a holiday, the long flights, the heat, the queues, the tens of thousands of people, vomit inducing rides, the stress, the in laws.... Even if it was free I wouldn't accept

I'm totally with you. But if anyone would like to pay for me to have a week on the Orkneys my bank account is that way :)