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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel frustrated at my DH reaction to paid for holiday?

414 replies

Nala1982 · 20/06/2016 00:35

A relative of ours has won some money and paid for all the family to go to Florida. The family is so appreciative and excited all apart from DH. Despite the fact that it is our kid's dream holiday, DH says it is not his idea of a holiday and would we mind if he spent 50% alone away from the disney/water park bullshit we are planning. Yes, I do mind because this family member has paid for us to go and it's cost thousands - and also because I will need him to help me keep an eye on the 2 DC's.

His lack of enthusiasm is actually embarrassing me. The family member who paid has already mentioned that he does not seem interested at all. DH says he appreciates the thought but he would much rather do a cheap holiday to Spain. I am mortified.

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 20/06/2016 06:57

who exactly are the "We" that are planning?
And who are the "family"?

A week of disney and waterslides is not every ones idea of fun and if you and the children are getting the dream holiday will your DH be getting his?

Given what you are suggesting I think that his compromise is fair.

WhisperingLoudly · 20/06/2016 06:57

bran some time in your own sure but half to me is too much. If you follow the MN "rule" of equal free time for both parent that leaves no time as a whole family which regardless of how much you hate the proposed venue is I think pretty sad.

That said I'm a working mum and feel guilty if I'm not with my DC FT on hols.

greenfolder · 20/06/2016 06:57

You need to book your own hire car. They are not expensive in Florida, else you will be joined at the hip with the rest of the party. If there is a big group you don't need him to help with the kids. I have endured Florida theme parks 3 times and get what he means. I was pregnant once, no rides and standing in blazing heat. The other 2 times I did a mix of rides with the youngest and standing around waiting for others. I insisted on a day to myself each week to keep me sane. We would also go out early for breakfast as a family.

Windsofwinter · 20/06/2016 06:58

I think a lot of people seem to have misread the OP. The DH isn't asking that they as a family (parents and DCs) spend half the time away from the theme parks, which WNBU. He's asking to spend 50% of the holiday doing his own thing. Alone. Without OP/DCs. That is hardly fair on the OP/DCs and would appear very odd and rude to whoever has booked the holiday. He may not be enthusiastic but it's not nice to be so ungrateful and unpleasant when hey presumably thought they were doing a nice thing.

Unless I'm completely weird and its normal for everyone else's DH to sod off doing his own thing for half a holiday Hmm

NashvilleQueen · 20/06/2016 07:00

I think that you do need to find a workable compromise here as to force him to spend the whole period with you will result in tension and family arguments. People will notice and he may be seen as ungrateful rather than someone who is not enjoying a holiday he never chose in the first place.

Do you have an ally in the family? Someone you could rope in to help with the children for the time he is away?

You may find once he gets there he finds that it's much better than he thought. Alternatively he may ask for more than 50% free time. You need to think about how you will handle that.

You will have gleaned that MN isn't necessarily representative of the general population when it comes to Disney. The reasons for that are myriad and all opinions perfect valid. That said, I can't help thinking you'd have had a slightly different set of responses if you'd said 'my family have paid for us all to go on a very expensesive skiing trip to (insert name of posh ski resort) for two weeks over Christmas and it's my husbands idea of hell. He would prefer to stay at home with his mum' Grin

fuckincuntbuggerinarse · 20/06/2016 07:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 20/06/2016 07:01

I would hate this type of holiday, it would actually give me shivers just thinking about it.

However, if someone gave me a free pass I would be very grateful and woman up for the kids sake, which is what your dh needs to do.

By all means let him have a whole day totally to himself, so long as he returns the favour and you get one too.

OrangesandLemonsNow · 20/06/2016 07:01

He's asking to spend 50% of the holiday doing his own thing. Alone. Without OP/DCs.

Unless he is assuming they will want to spend all the home in the parks and he doesn't want to stop them doing that?

Or there is an issue with the inlaws.

branofthemist · 20/06/2016 07:01

whispering I agree and I am the same. I rarely have time without DCs. It wouldn't be my choice.

But yes my in laws are so annoying I would want plenty of time on my own. I would prefer that time with dh and the kids. But if the dh was insisting on being tied to his parents 24/7. I don't think I could take it.

But to be fair, when it comes to pils I don't think dh could either Grin

I can't workout wether he wants time on his own, or wether the OP has refused to spend time as a family away from her relatives. That would make the difference to me.

branofthemist · 20/06/2016 07:04

If my partner wasn't wanting to do anything other than theme parks and was trying to force me into doing them for the whole time I wouldn't do it and would say no you carry on ill do my own thing

this is what I am getting at. Put much better than I did.

Becky546 · 20/06/2016 07:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LagunaBubbles · 20/06/2016 07:08

OP don't you want to see anything else of Florida other than Disney?

Wonkydonkey44 · 20/06/2016 07:08

Take someone else and leave him at home, Disney world is amazing !

GetAHaircutCarl · 20/06/2016 07:08

Florida is a great place to visit.

Beautiful beaches, the Everglades, the Keys, Space Centre...

Visiting the parks everyday is just a daft idea. And I say that as a complete park enthusiast.

MustStopAndThinkBeforePosting · 20/06/2016 07:09

Your DH is being entirely reasonable and is being heroic for agreeing to tolerate half a week of disney/waterpark hell for the sake of the DCs and the in-laws. But the 50% of time spent elsewhere can still be as a family - your children could also benefit from some days that aren't focused on these industrial-scale venues.

LillianGish · 20/06/2016 07:09

I don't agree Nashvillequeen - I think it's the idea of enforced jollity in a group situation that puts many people off - whether that's Disney, a ski resort, a cruise liner or any other all-inclusive situation where you are tied to one place in a huge group of tourists. That's not intended as a criticism of any one who enjoys that sort of thing - for many people, rich and poor - that is how they define a holiday. Not everyone feels the same.

Friolero · 20/06/2016 07:10

I'm with your DH. A holiday to Florida will take quite a bit of his leave up, so why shouldn't he spend some of the time doing things he will enjoy too? The theme parks every day sound hellish - as generous as it is, I wouldn't be that happy about a holiday being booked for me without any consultation, and then being expected to go to theme parks etc every day and then having to appear enthusiastic about it.

NotYoda · 20/06/2016 07:11

OP could you clarify?

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 20/06/2016 07:13

What's so 'amazing' about the place??

LocatingLocatingLocating · 20/06/2016 07:25

I spend months and months looking forward to my summer holiday. It's the only time I get to spend a solid two weeks with my DH and DCs, it's the only time I get a solid 2 weeks off work (DH and I both have stressful FT jobs ), I love where we go, it is hugely important to me/us. If i had to go to Disney instead (as I only have limited annual leave) I would not be happy. And that's before factoring in ILs and extended family socialising! At the very least I would request time on our own as a family to explore areas beyond Disney (that's if I decided to go!).

Oh, and I'm not totally loaded, but to me its not about the money......it's about the freedom to spend the limited time I have with my own little family.

NashvilleQueen · 20/06/2016 07:25

Lilian although the OP doesn't specify anywhere that it's the enforced jollity he has an issue with. It's not explicit at all from the OP and people have taken that to mean that it's the Disney bit he wants to opt out of.

RabbitSaysWoof · 20/06/2016 07:35

I feel sorry for your husband. That sort of holiday would not be for me, if someone booked it for me and my dc without asking whether I wanted to go there I would not be pleased.

Alisvolatpropiis · 20/06/2016 07:40

Yabu. I've been to Florida lots of times, nobody actually spends a full fortnight going to the parks daily.

There's plenty of other things to see/do in Orlando and the surrounding areas.

IlikePercyPig · 20/06/2016 07:41

I'm with your DH, just because it's a free holiday it doesn't mean that he has to like it.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 20/06/2016 07:42

He has agreed to go on holiday to a destination that he doesn't want to go to with your relatives that he doesn't want to spend time with (or are you just going as a family) let him have time away from the parks. If it is just you four why don't you all do a 50/50 park other bits which is also popular

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