To feel frustrated at my DH reaction to paid for holiday?

[Nala1982]

A relative of ours has won some money and paid for all the family to go to Florida. The family is so appreciative and excited all apart from DH. Despite the fact that it is our kid's dream holiday, DH says it is not his idea of a holiday and would we mind if he spent 50% alone away from the disney/water park bullshit we are planning. Yes, I do mind because this family member has paid for us to go and it's cost thousands - and also because I will need him to help me keep an eye on the 2 DC's.

His lack of enthusiasm is actually embarrassing me. The family member who paid has already mentioned that he does not seem interested at all. DH says he appreciates the thought but he would much rather do a cheap holiday to Spain. I am mortified.

I was going to ask whether you meant "a holiday to Florida" or "a Disney trip". Seems like the latter. I'm with DH, I'm afraid. If anybody offered me the toppest Disney package there is, I'd still be quietly asking if a bog-standard Greek island holiday was an available alternative!

Florida sounds fascinating. I would love to go there. Just not to Disney's hell of make-believe

But the children will probably enjoy it (not guaranteed) so he ought to at least make an effort - which he is doing, with his 50/50 request. You never know, the kids might prefer a few days sailing or alligator-spotting instead of full-on fakeness all day every day.

I think it is very rude to insist someone be grateful for a gift they didn't choose and don't much want. His compromise is reasonable.

None of you sound very flexible, TBH. We have gone on holiday in fairly large groups with family and friends and the way it works for us is to agree from the start that we're not all joined at the hip, people can and do go their separate ways and do their own things whenever they want. (And it makes the meals, outings etc that we do spend together all the more pleasurable)

The thought of going around mob handed all the time makes me shudder.

In addition, Disney holidays can be hard work and I would urge you not to go to the parks every single day, there are loads of other, more restful things to do too. Can you not agree with your DH and family to proceed along similar lines as this? If he can explore other parts of Florida, nature trails, fishing, airboat rides through the Glades etc sometimes on his own or with just you and the DC he might like the sound of it a little more.

Otherwise the fabulous free holiday sounds a bit daunting. and your relative's behaviour comes off as a bit controlling too

Why would the person paying the cost here go to a place they don't like? I think they may have chosen the location thinking of the DCs of the family.

It would have been preferable to discuss things with all the participants and reached an agreement but would that have worked out any better. Maybe the DH mentioned would not have been pleased with anything other than his choice

It depends on several issues.

How old are the children? I could easily cope with two over 5, or a bigger age difference, but I'm not sure if they were younger.

How long are his holidays? Does this mean most of the holidays will be spent in Florida?

How does he get along with the family that are going? Is it your family?

I don't think he's unreasonable in not wanting to spend all the time at the parks. It's not my idea of fun, and I'm glad DS doesn't particularly like rides. And more than a few days in a big group can be quite tiring to some people (mostly introverts).

I'd rather listen to my least favourite song ever on a loop for a year than end up in all the Disney/Water Park bullshit.

It's very generous of your relative but cut your DH some slack here?

If It's your children's dream holiday I'd say he should suck it up and try to get into the spirit of it. Life is short and before you know it your children will be all grown up looking back on either a great holiday with memories of dad making an effort for them despite it not being his thing or they will look back at him being a miserable sod who never got involved.
Can you afford to do a second holiday and go to Spain as well or start planning next years so he has that to look forward to while accepting this year the holiday is for his kids benefit?

He needs to grow up. Sounds like a sulky teenager. My ideal holiday isn't making large sandcastles and digging out moats but the kids love it and it's about having FUN and making memories. If he's intent on spoiling the holiday by behaving like spoilt brat tell him not to go with you. (My idea of heaven is a quiet beach in a hot country and no kids.)

I'm with your husband I'm afraid. Can't you compromise? Half the days you all do waterpark/theme park bullshit and the other half doing stuff he'd enjoy? There's loads of other stuff to do in and around Orlando.

Surely its not being expected that you go to the parks every single day all day anyway? How long is the holiday? Generally 2 weeks or more for long haul trips, and there would be plenty of time after going round the parks (not just disney, animal kingdom, islands of adventure and the likes) to do other stuff and even just relax! If it is only a week then I get it would be mostly parks, as it would need to be to get round them all.

He needs to grow up. Sounds like a sulky teenager

Would you say the same to a woman who posted that her MIL had sprung a holiday in Disney on her but she hates theme parks, dreads the thought of dealing with kids after a longhaul flight, is sad she now has no holiday time left for the cheap trip to spain they were planning and is dreading the heat?

Would you tell her to grow up and stop being sulky?

In this case I do think that he needs to suck it up, and yes I would say the same if it was his mother and her being asked to do a holiday she would hate.

The lottery winner (assumption, but its going to be something like that) is doing this because she thinks that everyone will love it. She probably hasnt really considered that not everyone loves theme parks, but did it as it is most peoples "once in a lifetime" holiday. The kids would love it, and I do agree with PPs that sometimes you have to do stuff you dont like in order to give your kids memories. I cannot stand Disneyland Paris, but I still took the kids when they were younger (3 fucking visits so far....) and will take DC6 when she is a couple of years older.

I would say that being churlish over this holiday is like opening a gift on Xmas morning and then saying "Did you keep the receipt?" I would be saying to him that its a gift, grin and bear it and take comfort from the fact that the kids had their dream holiday. And also that while you hated it, at least it didnt cost you a penny!

If he was paying then he would not be unreasonable but seeing as someone else has paid and the children would have a great time he is being unreasonable.
My parents took us on loads of holidays that I expect were not their ideal (Haven, Keycamp, Disneyland), but we had a great time and have good memories. DH and I have plans to do similar with our DC when they are past pre-school/toddler age. This is far away from our ideal holidays but we look forward to seeing them have fun.

Bogeyface, you've worked all year so far from January to june it may have been a stressful time at work, all you want to do is relax and then some in law decides that they are taking you on holiday, they don't give you a choice of destinations because they are paying for it and you would just suck it up? Bearing in mind this will also eat up at least 2 weeks of your hard earned holiday days? I'm.sure the kids would be perfectly happy going to Spain or somewhere if Disney hadn't even been mentioned.

I'm all for families being together but even I draw a line at all that.

It is rather weird to compel someone to go on a holiday without consulting them. Maybe your family member is financially controlling, maybe they're just thoughtless, but it's weird nonetheless. Why should your husband be forced to use his leave from work doing something he not only has no interest but, more importantly, wasn't consulted about. Perhaps if he'd been consulted about it he would have been happy to do it if you and/or the children would enjoy it. But an adult being told how and where to spend their time (and money, because it's likely there will be additional costs as a result of the holiday), with total disregard for their preferences, is rather odious.

I would just suck it up yes. The same way I have sucked up Disney three times, have sucked up spending all fucking day once a week in the summer hols at a localish park I hate and every year I suck up spending every day on the beach rather than visiting the historic castles and museums that I love and paying for the privilege!

Yes its 2 weeks out of his holiday entitlement but its also 2 weeks out of his whole fucking life! 2 weeks that his kids will still be talking about and remembering fondly when he is a grandad to their kids. Is that really so much to ask?

Bogeyface the point is you chose to go to Disney, he hasn't. Perhaps if a choice is completely taken away from you you'd feel differently?

Two weeks is a long time to have to tow the line for someone else and there's no Guarantee the kids will love it. If they are very young they might not even remember it, and if they are teens they might start missing their friends a few days into the holiday, not to mention heatwaves, bugs etc.
There is this added issue that they might want to go back next year and maybe OH and OP can't afford it. Is this holiday setting the bar too high financially perhaps?

Well as I said above, it seems to me like receiving a Xmas present that was bought with love and then complaining about it.

The OP said "This is the kids dream holiday", and presumably she actually knows them and what they like, so the likelihood of them having a miserable time is pretty slim.

I still don't see why OP couldn't go along with his 50/50 suggestion. It seems very reasonable to me. There is plenty of stuff they can do together as a family, outside of theme parks - and arguably better for their overall life experience. I mean, wouldn't you like your kids to have met Elsa and visited tropical wetlands? To have queued interminably for been on a load of water slides and seen turtles on the beach?

He's not refusing to take the kids to Disney is he? He's just asking that they don't do theme parks and waterparks every single day.

I'm struggling to see how he's denying his kids the holiday of their lifetime here.

Apart from the obvious, that he may just not be excited about a Disney holiday - could he be feeling emasculated by being bought a holiday?

Was he invited, or was he told he was going? TBH I'm in a similar situation and would rather eat my own feet than go to Disneyland. I just think of the annual leave I'm wasting. Still, it will probably be fine when I get there. Say yes to him with enthusiasm, but tell him that he's in charge of the kids for the 50% of time he is there. He might change his mind when he gets there, but al least he'll be dreading the holiday less.

I would just suck it up yes. The same way I have sucked up Disney three times, have sucked up spending all fucking day once a week in the summer hols at a localish park I hate and every year I suck up spending every day on the beach rather than visiting the historic castles and museums that I love and paying for the privilege!

When kids are very small you have to really adapt on hols. But once they hit 8 or 9 you can have a bit of what you want too. Plus you can actually not go to disney if you don't want to. It isn't a graduation requirement for childhood.

I am very happy for those families who love disney (our best friends go all the time plus cruises, the parents love it and they are always asking us to go with them - we say no), but I really hate the idea that a trip to disney is the sine qua non of a childhood holiday. No it isn't. Like I said upthread, my children have had lovely holidays every year in Florida in very beautiful surroundings with family and have never been to Disney. I've had no complaints. They have loads of lovely memories.

The relative who funded this holiday probably got a lot of oomph out of the "and you are all going to DISNEY" but in reality a trip to Mallorca or Greece in a villa for a week could have been just as lovely for everyone and formed really great memories. Nothing wrong with disney but is isn't a requirement and a lot of adults hate the concept - especially if it happens after a long haul flight and in 90 degree weather with humidity.

Our absolute best holidays ever were in the UK and also in Scotland visiting historic castles and museums - and battle sites (I will say we don't live in the UK so it was "exotic" to our pre-teen children). They loved them. Those 2 holidays are among the best we've had. And my children are very normal, not particularly into history or learning anything on hols.

Given the way this had gone, I think the husband has to go, be cheerful, and help out and then say thanks so much for a wonderful time for our family. But he doesn't have to pretend to his wife that this is the best thing ever to happen his holiday plans- it isn't. And he is perfectly entitled to want some time away from the extended family/theme parks - maybe with his wife and children.

It would be my idea of hell, DH and the DCs as well. There is so much more to Florida than the theme park shite.

He's not refusing to take the kids to Disney is he? He's just asking that they don't do theme parks and waterparks every single day.
I'm struggling to see how he's denying his kids the holiday of their lifetime here.

Completely agree. I don't see why you won't at least try and compromise tbh. It seems a bit controlling.