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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ask MIL to stay in hotel when she visits - baby is 7 weeks old

523 replies

Ribenagirl1216 · 12/06/2016 08:42

My MIL wants to visit soon when baby (#2) will be 7 weeks old. I also have a 3/5 yr old. MIL lives 4hrs away by car. She last visited, along with FIL, when baby was 2 weeks old and they stayed in a local hotel as I had asked not to have house guests after the baby was born. She also came for a night when baby was born and stayed a night in our house to look after my 4 yr old while I was in hospital overnight.
I've asked her to book a hotel for her next visit (2 nights in a couple of weeks when baby will be 7 weeks old) and she's being huffy about it, partly cos of the cost and partly cos I think she feels should she be staying with us. We have a 3 bed house. The 4 year old recently moved into what we the spare room (where MIL has always stayed in the past in the 3 years we've lived here and she visits often for a coupe of nights each time and does babysitting for us while she's here) and his old box room is now the nursery though baby is in with us for now and the nursery is full of baby's things, clean laundry, baby gifts etc and a sofa bed that takes up the entire room when opened out. We no longer have a spare room. We only have one large open plan (kitchen/diner/lounge) space downstairs too so I don't feel comfortable having guests stay on a blow up bed or similar there.
AIBU? Not sure what the long term solution is but right now I don't want the hassle of sorting the nursery to make it suitable for her to stay in not do I want the hassle of a house guest, however low maintence, full stop.

OP posts:
IHeartKingThistle · 12/06/2016 08:44

She sounds pretty helpful to be honest and so far she's respected your wishes. I'd be letting her stay. Sorry.

RNBrie · 12/06/2016 08:46

I think it's fine. My in laws stay in a hotel when they come to see us. We don't have room for them to stay. They did once suggest they should have our room and we should sleep on an inflatable mattress but I'm not doing that for anyone, sorry.

We have dc3 due any day now and we are sticking to our guns. No spare room means no overnight guests. Fortunately we live almost next to a Travellodge where rooms can be as little as £19 a night of booked in advance.

Pearlman · 12/06/2016 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LIZS · 12/06/2016 08:50

Seems a bit much for a couple of nights, especially if she will be alone. What if it were your dm?

StarlingMurmuration · 12/06/2016 08:52

Hmmm. Difficult. I think she is being a little unreasonable. You don't have a spare room anymore, you have a tiny baby and probably limited energy to make the nursery useable. Plus, is this a precedent you want to set, that when she comes to stay when the kids are older, you'll juggle them around to make room? It may not be something some people would care about, but it's fair enough if you don't want to.

I can see why she'd feel a bit hurt though... Do you think she would be happy sleeping on the lounge sofa? Maybe she could do that in future?

MatildaTheCat · 12/06/2016 08:53

So what do you plan for the future? If you won't move dc1 and can't use the nursery does that mean she can't ever stay again?

If it's a couple of nights and she kind and helpful then YABU in my book. Tell her it's a bit of a muddle and move some laundry around. Or better still get dh to do it. 4 hours travel is a long way, she must feel a bit hurt.

AintNobodyHereButUsKittens · 12/06/2016 08:54

What are your DH's thoughts? Would your DMIL be happy to "rough it" on the sofa bed surrounded by piles of nappies? Personally I'd give her the choice - I know your baby will be very young but I think that the effort of DH putting sheets on the sofa bed and digging out a clean towel are well worth it to safeguard the goodwill of a woman who's been helping you a lot.

insancerre · 12/06/2016 08:55

Yabu
Sounds like you are happy for her to stay when it suits you for babysitting

molyholy · 12/06/2016 08:57

I am wondering if you would feel the same if it was your parent? Would you tidy up , or tell them they have to stay in a hotel? I feel sorry for mil in this scenario. Sorry op.

IHeartKingThistle · 12/06/2016 08:57

When family come to stay, we shuffle the kids about. So does everyone I know. It's family.

I hate these threads. Fair enough if she's a heinous old witch but OP hasn't said that. She does have room for her, she just doesn't want her.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 12/06/2016 08:59

I'd let her stay.

Ebony69 · 12/06/2016 08:59

I get that it can be an inconvenience having people over to stay. However, this 'house guest' is your children's grandmother. It's only for two nights and it's not as if you don't have the room to accommodate her - I'm sorry but I think you're being very unreasonable. What does your DP think?

NavyAndWhite · 12/06/2016 09:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyFannyOfOmaha · 12/06/2016 09:00

Well it depends on whether you'll want her to babysit again in the future? For the sake of a bit of inconvenience for 2 nights you could be shooting yourself in the foot by refusing to let her stay with you.
Do you ever go to visit your ILs? Do they put you up, or ask you to pay for a hotel?

DetestableHerytike · 12/06/2016 09:01

What if you paid for the hotel?

RubyGoat · 12/06/2016 09:01

So will she not be staying over in future for the purpose of babysitting? If she's happy with the cramped room due to sofabed & the baby's things (I'm not suggesting you rearrange for her) & she's fairly low maintenance, why wouldn't you let her stay. Is there another issue here?

NickiFury · 12/06/2016 09:01

Only on MN have I ever seen it suggested that relatives should stay in hotels when they visit. In my world and every single other person I know, family stay with you and you muddle along. I wouldn't dream of asking a family member to stay in a hotel when they come to see us.

AntiHop · 12/06/2016 09:02

Does she mind sleeping on the sofa bed?

hellsbells99 · 12/06/2016 09:02

You are being unreasonable. It is your DH's mother.
My DDs always double up when we have visitors or if necessary would sleep on air beds downstairs.

ShowOfHands · 12/06/2016 09:04

It's your house and your rules I suppose.

Personally, I think it's unkind and you're looking for reasons not to accommodate your children's grandma.

Why do you have to sort out the sofa bed? Can't DH do it? My two at 3yrs old would have loved the adventure of grandma coming to stay and would have helped too.

takemetomars · 12/06/2016 09:04

YABU. And rude. Let her stay

mylovegoesdown · 12/06/2016 09:05

I think you could put up with two nights of a family member staying.

You don't mind her staying when she's babysitting.

stonecircle · 12/06/2016 09:05

Could she stay in your 4 year old's room and the 4 year old sleep on a camp bed/ blow up bed on the floor? When my dcs were little we had 3 children in a 3 bed house so when grandparents visited (both sets living 5/6 hours away) we always had small children on camp beds and adults in beds/ on sofa.

DragonMamma · 12/06/2016 09:05

I'm not a big fan of my in laws but I always try to accommodate them when they come to stay. It usually means one of the DC sleeping in our room on a camp bed or them going in the same room.

YABU - it's only 2 nights and it does come across as very rude.

monkeywithacowface · 12/06/2016 09:06

I think you are being rude. It's only two nights and a 7 week old isn't the same as jus coming out of hospital newborn. You do have space you just don't want to put her up (unless it benefits you for babysitting services)