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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ask MIL to stay in hotel when she visits - baby is 7 weeks old

523 replies

Ribenagirl1216 · 12/06/2016 08:42

My MIL wants to visit soon when baby (#2) will be 7 weeks old. I also have a 3/5 yr old. MIL lives 4hrs away by car. She last visited, along with FIL, when baby was 2 weeks old and they stayed in a local hotel as I had asked not to have house guests after the baby was born. She also came for a night when baby was born and stayed a night in our house to look after my 4 yr old while I was in hospital overnight.
I've asked her to book a hotel for her next visit (2 nights in a couple of weeks when baby will be 7 weeks old) and she's being huffy about it, partly cos of the cost and partly cos I think she feels should she be staying with us. We have a 3 bed house. The 4 year old recently moved into what we the spare room (where MIL has always stayed in the past in the 3 years we've lived here and she visits often for a coupe of nights each time and does babysitting for us while she's here) and his old box room is now the nursery though baby is in with us for now and the nursery is full of baby's things, clean laundry, baby gifts etc and a sofa bed that takes up the entire room when opened out. We no longer have a spare room. We only have one large open plan (kitchen/diner/lounge) space downstairs too so I don't feel comfortable having guests stay on a blow up bed or similar there.
AIBU? Not sure what the long term solution is but right now I don't want the hassle of sorting the nursery to make it suitable for her to stay in not do I want the hassle of a house guest, however low maintence, full stop.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ribenagirl1216 · 12/06/2016 11:42

My parents live close enough to not need to stay overnight. When they lived further away, yes they did stay in a hotel when they visited as we had a tiny flat. Everyone was more comfortable that way.

OP posts:
coffeemachine · 12/06/2016 11:42

Op, it's obviously not about space. you just don't want her to stay.

Where does your family stay on visits?

MrsDeVere · 12/06/2016 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 12/06/2016 11:44

I have always been accommodating of her visits thus far. To clarify, she visits at least every 6 weeks... Is it so out of order to get her to do a night of babysitting each time she's here?

So she can do some free babysitting then fuck off back to the hotel? You're really not coming across well, OP.

TellAStory · 12/06/2016 11:47

It reads as though you are happy to accept the babysitting but don't really want her there. Try putting yourself in her shoes, she must be very hurt!

coffeeaddictedandfat · 12/06/2016 11:47

I have always been accommodating of her visits thus far. To clarify, she visits at least every 6 weeks... Is it so out of order to get her to do a night of babysitting each time she's here?

Yes!!! esp if you send her to a hotel. Does it not make you think that so many on here respond with YABU? and honestly, your excuses are worse than your crime. Shock

pennygoodlife · 12/06/2016 11:48

When my DD was born my sister and dm were straight down. DM took major offence at having to stay in a hotel - however we were in between homes and me, DH, DS and and new DD and cat were all living in a small 1 bed flat - we slept in the living room DS had the bedroom. There was no room - DM still couldn't see why we couldn't bunk in together! Oh for 3 beds back then!

pollylovespie · 12/06/2016 11:48

Are you going to change your mind op? You know you have space and it's doable, and it's only for two nights. We (nearly) all think you're being unkind. Yes, in laws are annoying, and extra tidying is a pita but that's life!

Whathaveilost · 12/06/2016 11:48

I do think a lot of posters like OP wouldn't treat their own patents like this.

In real life I have never encountered situations like this, I'm not saying it doesn't happen because MN has opened my eyes to a lot of shoddy behaviour.

There also seems to be a trend of suggesting that Mil gets pushed out until it suits otherwise (babysitting, free child care while pants work)
OP you don't want the hassle of making MIL comfortable but you are happy to have her babysitting. You selfish user.

lemonny · 12/06/2016 11:51

In the box room is can barely extend and takes up the entire floor space when it does.

If it's only for a couple of days who cares about floor space?

OlennasWimple · 12/06/2016 11:53

You are being really unkind, and TBH I'm surprised you can't see that

lemonny · 12/06/2016 11:53

If you really insist that she stays in a hotel then you should at least pay, consider it payment for her babysitting duties.

Original poster
Ribenagirl1216 · 12/06/2016 11:53

So MIL is not being unreasonable to expect to be accommodated? She offered to look at hotels and only got huffy when I said 'ok, thanks' and when she checked the prices.
She doesn't babysit then go back to the hotel btw. She's always stayed here before, until the last time when she came with FIL and baby was says old.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ribenagirl1216 · 12/06/2016 11:55

Lemony, I'd like to be able to get in the room to get baby's clothes and change her, without falling over a sofa bed or having to fold it out of the way.

OP posts:
BendydickCuminsnatch · 12/06/2016 11:56

Meh, I think YANBU at all OP. Your house sounds like ours and it's going to be V tricky when DS is just a bit older to accommodate guests. Doesn't mean you don't like MIL and if you don't like her, all the more reason to not have her stay.

Jokeaboutmyhotchoc · 12/06/2016 11:56

What's wrong with someone sleeping on the sofa?

Confused
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/06/2016 11:56

Your older son could sleep on the sofa downstairs if you don't want your MIL contaminating it, that's what families do. It is doable, you just don't want to do it. I really hope your husband has a firm word in your shell-like because you need it.

Is it so out of order to get her to do a night of babysitting?... Just who do you think you are? Are you some sort of princess missing your staff? This is family and you are being every kind of awkward and inhospitable.

In fact, if I were your husband, I'd tell MIL not to bother coming, I'd take BOTH kids to visit her and stay there for a bit. You could stay at home because I wouldn't want you there. I really despair of these MIL threads.

Whathaveilost · 12/06/2016 11:57

Of course she's not be unreasonable to be expected to be accommodated!

bruffin · 12/06/2016 11:57

Change her somewhere else and get a couple of days clothes out in your room, its not rocket science.

Jokeaboutmyhotchoc · 12/06/2016 11:58

I have a 2 bedroom flat with a spare room chock full of stuff (we have a ten week old). It is us, DS, 2 cats. We managed to accommodate PIL the other weekend. Big deal. Our flat is only 500 sq ft!

MrsBungle · 12/06/2016 11:59

I think she offered to look at hotels because she feels unwelcome. What does your dh think about it?

MaudGonneMad · 12/06/2016 11:59

Just ask your MIL to fold up the sofa bed in the morning, then you can access the room all day if you need to change the baby. Simple.

PotteringAlong · 12/06/2016 11:59

Put her clothes for a few days in your room. Change her anywhere else. Am I missing something?

BYOSnowman · 12/06/2016 11:59

You are being deliberately awkward about the box room and very unkind to your mil.

We once had to ask mil to stay in a hotel due to building work we were having done. We booked and paid for it. That is the least you could do.

Whathaveilost · 12/06/2016 12:00

My mum and dad livelies from us.
When the boys were small and they came up to babysit mum and dad would have our bed and we would sleep on the settees.

Why not? They helped us out. It meant they could go to bed when everything was settled and we didn't disturb them when we came in.